Husband on Tinder!!

[chunkymonkeysmama]

I was destroyed last night to find out by a fluke that my supposedly loyal and loving DH has set himself up a profile on Tinder!!

I was unplugging the baby monitor and thought i would unplug his phone and give it to him at the same time. As i unplugged it, the screen lit up and there was a notification on there: Tinder - you have a new match.

I was absolutely floored by this we have a yound DD and I thought he was my soul mate. We have been married 3 years. I confronted him immediately and he tried to say "it's not what you think!" Errr yes it is!!!

I demanded he showed me the profile and he had used a fake pic, fake name and fake city.

I went absolutely ballistic and demanded to know why?! Eventually he admitted it was for 'wank material' and said I haven't been paying him much attention! I said 'Don't you dare fucking blame me!" I work full time, sort all the household bills and chores whilst juggling our young DD and older children and still give him sex 2-3 times a week!

If it was just for a wank then he would be on the usual porn apps but this is real contact with real women! I suspect he has tried to steer conversations with thess women to become sexual and pic swapped etc.

He will have been sat opposite me in thd lounge whilst messaging them or swiping pics, all whilst i look after our child. He spends quite a bit of time in the toilet too, i guess i know why now!!

I have told him to get himself a solicitor as I can never forgive this! Even if he didn't physically meet anyone, just by going behind my back and setting the account up is cheating in my eyes. He broke our vows and has no respect for me or our family.

I am so hurt. I loved him so much and have alwsys been there for him, supported him through some tough times and this is how i get repaid?!

Our poor DD will now have a part time Dad, all because he has been selfish and thinks with his dick!

I don't know what I am expecting from this post, just needed to vent. I have told my close RL friends and they are absolutely gobsmacked as none of us thought he would ever do anything to hurt/cheat on me.

I just feel like i never really knew him

@Josico58 lol, i did just laugh at your comment on your DH spending a lot of time in the loo as well! 🙈 i hope for your sake it's just IBS or something! Lol

@user1479305498

I'm sure that plays a part in it too. I am so busy working and looking after the family that I don't have time to be texting sweet/sexual nothings every 5 minutes! It's like a child that's not getting enough attention.

Quite correct chunky, who bloody does, it's like some people are perpetually 18 and want that buzz of 'who likes me' . My mother was like this even when middle aged, she needed to feel everyone fancied her. I admire you for taking no shit, even though I know it's devastating.

I’d be inclined to believe him. Flirting with real women is way different to clicking a mouse. Listen to him, I think he’s being honest with you.

I'm so sorry to hear! I'm currently going through the same thing except worse and I'm too ashamed to write the words. Our DD is 19 weeks old and unfortunately, I'm too weak to leave. I'm screwed. My life is shattering before me and I'm too scared to do anything about it! I wish you all the best and would love you to keep us updated as any advice you have would certainly help me! Good luck x

Do you even care what the loan was for? I can’t believe the entitlement of some men!!! And at the cost of their wives and families while they smugly tour their own superior moral values!!! I’m so sorry OP!!!

@lools591 Aww i am so sorry to hear you are having similar trouble. I am lucky in one respect as my older kids are teens and so very self sufficient, plus with me being the highest earner and main bill payer I won't miss him to much financially.

Have you got anyone in RL who you can turn to?

I had another long phone call with one of my good friends and again that reinforced to me that I am doing the right thing in ending it. We spoke about all these other incidents that have pointed towards him being a selfish arse as well and how much i have given him but how little i have received in return.

If you are able to DM me and you would like to talk the please do. Us ladies need to support each other

Your baby is still very young and i can totally understand that you will feel trapped in your situation and too weak to take control.

Whatever has happened, i am sure you too deserve better xx

@justilou1 I know right!! I questioned the loan and he said it was to pay his phone bill and another bil be was late on.

I just don't know what else he might have kept from me and that's the scary thing.

OP, so sorry to hear what you are going through. You sound amazing, strong and are an inspiration to others going through shit like this. I wish you the best of luck.

Hmmmm - the signs are very clear that you have done exactly the right thing for you and your children by being proactive early on. This guy is a liar and a self-justifier. Please hold your head high that you found out so early and didn't question yourself.

Thank you @Doublevodka

I know it's the right think. I got a bit emotional this morning whilst i was sat snuggling DD, just thinking why? Why? Why? He has ruined everything by doing what he did. Love is nothing without trust though and I don't want to live constantly wondering what he is up to.

@justilou1 Thank you. I am slowly moving forward. Our joint car was sold yesterday and the proceeds split between us. That money will enable him to move in to the flat when it is vacant.

I have my new car (thank God for family!) and extra money in the bank to help cover bills over the next few months until my first wage from new job.

It's so strange still being in the same house, sat in the lounge like it's all just a nightmare and not real. We are talking, i am not being nasty, it doesn't get you anywhere and I don't want DD to be affected by a bad atmosphere.

I just feel so sad that this is how things have ended up, but if someone goes seeking the attention of other women at the first sign of stress in the relationship, that doesn't bode well.

I am confident i am doing the right thing and my big girl pants are firmly pulled up!

Internet services have been my field over 20 years, I'm also published. Sadly it's very possible, easy even, to obfuscate ones location, regardless of location services.

I'm shocked at how quickly you have sold your car and he found the new flat to apply for. All within 3 days? That's impressive

You really are an ode to strong women, OP! An AMAZON!

@Mummylife2018

We sold the car back to the garage it was purchased from 12 months ago and they will stick at least £1k on top of what they gave us and have it straight back on the forecourt quick as you like.

He knows someone who is in a partnership where they rent properties out as a sideline and so he rang him on the off chance he might have something.

As luck would have it he has this flat! The current tenant isn't vacating until 15/02 and then it needs to be cleaned before he can go and view it properly but from the pics he has seen and where it is located, it seems ideal. Shops close by and nice for the kids.

He is looking for a moped to get to work.

He will continue to live here until the flats ready. It feels very strange atm. We are being civil, in fact he is bending over backwards to help!

He said to me earlier 'I feel sick thinking aboit you getting with someone else in the future' i just looked at him and said 'Well you only have yourself to blame!!'

@Jitterbugz thanks for imparting some of your IT knowledge, I don't have a clue how that stuff works! Lol

@justilou1 Thank you. I am just realising my worth. I still love him and it would be so easy to just go up and give him a cuddle but I won't. I have to keep reminding myself that he spared no thought for me and our child. If he loved me as much as he always said, that would have pricked his conscience and he would never have done it.

Anyone else sitting here reading this thread thinking they need a friend like chunkymonkey? No fuss, gets down to business. I'm in awe. I wish I rolled that way. I'm over here, unable to make decisions and waffling over what to do. Chunkymonkey's over here getting her hair cut with her new fresh start. Wow. How. Do. You. Do. It?

So sorry this happened though. It sounds like you're getting through it, even if at times it is hard. Keep being strong. You're an inspiration.

You’ve moved so fast you’ve made his head spin chunky, well done.
That is absolutely the way to do it.
I was cheated on throughout a lot of my marriage. I was totally unaware as he moved up the corporate ladder the opportunities were endless on business trips away. I only found out at the end of my 30 odd year marriage.....and he’d used prostitutes as well.
No mobile phones till the 90 s so much more difficult to be caught.

I’m thinking of you loolz. If I had found out my husband was on a dating site with three children under the age of 5 I don’t think I could’ve hadbthe strength to get himto leave...but they get bolder as they get older.

I had no reason to suspect a thing . He played the doting dad / caring husband card really well.
However looking back I realise that there always seemed a bit hidden with him. Well obviously there was.
The bit he never wanted me to find out about.
His devious side.
Watch him loolz. Be on your guard because the trust is gone.
My piece of doo doo never told me for ten months that there was another woman. He played me like an idiot.
The pp in her 50 s....I was 55 when I got divorced. I went through 4 years of hell.
I met my second husband just 10 weeks after my divorce came through and we’ve been together 10.5 years and married for 3.5
There are no trust issues whatsoever.
We are in each other’s company nearly 24 hours a day. We love and respect each other.
We are like a comfortable pair of slippers which is nauseatingly lovely after the tempestuous marriages we had.

Chunky I suspect your piece of doo doo is realising he’s lost more than he’ll ever gain.
I think that’s why my first husband couldn’t give me up completely till the ow pushed.
But you are doing so right in acting while the iron is hot.
I do acknowledge your sadness though...watch out for him trying to minimise his behaviour and worm his way back into you affections especially when he’s in his little flat on his Tod and wondering where it all went wrong.

As for the loan, It was only at my husband’s funeral that I heard from one of his so called mates, who gave an eulogy that when he was down on his uppers, he pushed a paper bag over to him with a £1000 in it.
Yep, I knew about that ...not!
Same mate spoke ‘ affectionately’ of how he liked to stand near the stairs in one of the pubs and watch the girls coming down the stairs.

So there you go loolz, my ex h was a sleaze ball through and through.

I firmly believe the mn mantra ..that what you find out is only the tip of the iceberg

Oops apologies...another long post yet again.

I would be more angry at the fact he actually tried to blame you o_0

Take some bloody responsibility for your own actions like why do people like that think they can just turn it around onto you and suddenly it makes it all okay.

Tell you what he will really be regretting his actions now, hope those trashy pictures were worth ruining his life over all for just a quick handy.

Sorry OP but you seem to have your head screwed on straight.

@AndTheSkyWasAllViolet Thanks for your comment. I have actually tried to follow the advice i would give a friend if they were in my situation.

Again today he tried telling me how he misses even lying next to me in bed at night and i just said 'oh well'. He said something about us being over without him having a chance to put things right!!

Honestly, is that what they really think? That no matter what you have done, you should be given a chance to fix things?! There is no fixing anything!! He made a conscious decision to do what he did, knowing full well the risks but he was depending on the trust i gave him and the fact i never ever looked at his phone! He thought i would be non the wiser.

It's funny cause im doing ww and have lost 11lb so far. That coupled with my new hair cut, he was fretting about me soon having other men after me! Ironic really, isn't it?!!

@Dowser God you have been through the mill! Some men are just so arrogant. I am pleased ypu found happiness in the end x

@Dvg Thank you. Oh he is regretting it alright. He annoyed me today by saying how he misses just sleeping next to me at night etc. Shame he didn't think about the whole risk to his life with us before he allowed his dick to control his brain!

My anger has subsided and i am left with a clear mind that's calmly sorting things out. The deeds been done, I won't change my mind (he knows this but keeps making the occasional 'woe is me' comment) i just want as little upset for the kids as we can.

It's my Birthday tomr and I am going out for a curry with some close friends. DH won't be coming...he is going to be home looking after our DD!

I still love him and this hurts. The temptation to cuddle him is strong at times but my head is ruling my heart for once. I deserve better than him!