Husband on Tinder!!

[chunkymonkeysmama]

I was destroyed last night to find out by a fluke that my supposedly loyal and loving DH has set himself up a profile on Tinder!!

I was unplugging the baby monitor and thought i would unplug his phone and give it to him at the same time. As i unplugged it, the screen lit up and there was a notification on there: Tinder - you have a new match.

I was absolutely floored by this we have a yound DD and I thought he was my soul mate. We have been married 3 years. I confronted him immediately and he tried to say "it's not what you think!" Errr yes it is!!!

I demanded he showed me the profile and he had used a fake pic, fake name and fake city.

I went absolutely ballistic and demanded to know why?! Eventually he admitted it was for 'wank material' and said I haven't been paying him much attention! I said 'Don't you dare fucking blame me!" I work full time, sort all the household bills and chores whilst juggling our young DD and older children and still give him sex 2-3 times a week!

If it was just for a wank then he would be on the usual porn apps but this is real contact with real women! I suspect he has tried to steer conversations with thess women to become sexual and pic swapped etc.

He will have been sat opposite me in thd lounge whilst messaging them or swiping pics, all whilst i look after our child. He spends quite a bit of time in the toilet too, i guess i know why now!!

I have told him to get himself a solicitor as I can never forgive this! Even if he didn't physically meet anyone, just by going behind my back and setting the account up is cheating in my eyes. He broke our vows and has no respect for me or our family.

I am so hurt. I loved him so much and have alwsys been there for him, supported him through some tough times and this is how i get repaid?!

Our poor DD will now have a part time Dad, all because he has been selfish and thinks with his dick!

I don't know what I am expecting from this post, just needed to vent. I have told my close RL friends and they are absolutely gobsmacked as none of us thought he would ever do anything to hurt/cheat on me.

I just feel like i never really knew him

I totally feel for you OP. I found out about a really heavy infatuation/emotional affair 11 years after it happened just a couple of years ago, went into a drawer in his office to find something and there were all his scribblings about his feelings . Lots of it. He was away at the time and I kept it myself for 6 weeks too. We have stayed married but i now know he has a secret really bad porn habit as well and it's like he is someone I don't know that we'll after 23 years. I wish i had the courage you had when i found out, we have a business and other complications but no real assets, so at the moment I am a bit stuck as mid 50s, like you my H sought to minimise it and said it was 'just a crush all on his side and he went a bit far' may be the case, may not be, don't think I will ever know. I have though gone right off men to be honest, a huge percentage strike me as being off their rockers and will do anything for ego boosts or titilation

I left my stbxh after finding out he was on dating sites. Once the trust is gone, that's it,for me anyway.

Thank you all. Sorry for late reply. I have just has my MIL round. I text her to tell her what had occurred (as I suspect he would not tell his DParents the truth of why we split!!) and she came round to see me (he is at work).
She and his Dad are both disgusted with him and can't believe he has done this. She said he has made his bed, let him lie in it. She totally understands I could never trust him again.

I think he thought he may be able to minimise his actions after id calmed down overnight but that is not the case. I was awake virtually all night thinking about it and it made me even more determined that this is over. At no point did he respect his marriage vows, think about what could happen if he was caught out, feel guilty about what he was doing.

If it was porn then i could handle it but this is real life women.

I will never forgive him.

I told him before he went to work that we need to sit down tomorrow when DD is not here and discuss next steps. I should legally have the right to stay in marital home as dependents are under 16, so that's something.

I will tell him that he needs to start looking for somewhere else to live. He spend last night in spare bedroom but that's only a short term solution. I want him out.

He has no money and so I may have to suggest we sell the car and split the proceeds so that he can secure the money to rent somewhere.

He loves DD and she love him to bits, they have recently started building a good bond up as he has been looking after her whilst i worked. Inhate him for the fact she will suffer now.

I honestly don't think i can ever trust a man again. I would rather be alone now. Just me, the kids and the cats!

I have barely anymore tears to cry. Had a banging headache all day and just 2hrs sleep last night.

I have just taken medication to make me drowsy, in the hope i can get some sleep tonight.

My RL friends are being so supportive. They know i am too god for him and he has lost the best thing that ever happened to him! ☹️

Bloody hell,OP. You definitely have your head screwed on and are 100% doing the right thing.

I'm pleased that MIL has understood and not condoned his behaviour.

@Florries I've made the decision based on the advice i'd be shelling out if this happened to one of my friends. LTB is definitely the only option!!

I bet he is sat at work now thinking 'wtf have I done?!' But it's too late, as I reminded him this morning as he said 'I'm sorry'

Sorry he got caught more like!!

Why do most men think with their dicks?!!

They ruin their families and all the future plans 😩

How old are the other children? I guess he is not their dad.

I think trust is difficult to rebuild especially if he blamed you. Well done his parents, zero tolerance to this behaviour is needed.

I hope you can rest.

@cushioncuddle you are right, the women on there he has contacted are being catfished, he is Selfish twat with no regard for anyone else!!

The silly thing is we watch Catfish the tv show and he always talks like he is on such a moral high ground!

@lifebegins50 They range from to 5-16. 4 are his (1 is our joint child) and I have 2 from previous marriage.

Whoahhhh! OP!

Be very VERY careful with MIL. Very.

Sorry you're going through this Op but well done for staying strong.

I was in exactly the same situation except it was an app called Wild - think it's a hook up app. I found it by notification the day we brought DD home from hospital. I had sepsis and was in for 10 days, and absolutely shattered me to pieces finding the messages. We are still together, it is forgiven but not forgotten and I struggle with it every now and again. Sometime I wish I'd have had the courage to leave.

Eventually he admitted it was for 'wank material

He knows PornHub is free right? He MUST know its free.

His excuse is a lie. Free porn all over the net. Hes on tinder to meet people simple as.

Good luck with the split.x

@RuPaul is correct. Its a lie and a not very believable one.

Im so sorry OP

@RupaulsGagRace

I know, he already makes use of the free porn sites (xhamster etc) and i have never had a problem with that.

Whether or not he would have eventually met up with someone through Tinder, who knows (maybe) but he was using somone elses photo and the wrong age and location so would have a lot of explaining to do to them...

I think so far he has most probably been trying to get women involved in sexting/xrated pic swapping, for the wank value and thrill of it.

All in all he is a totally pathetic arsehole!!

Eventually he would have met up. You caught him too early.
Or, he already has. Some people dont care if they're catfished, if the real deal is good looking enough then theyll still go for it i got catfished over a decade ago on good old msn messenger and i still met up with this dude after seeing his real pic
He changed the details not to catfish but to go incognito just in case someone who knew him saw him on there.
He most likely sent his real pic at some point.

Wow. I'm so heartbroken by what you've been through & really commend you for being so strong to end it immediately. That takes some guts. Well done OP.

Re: the comment about men, it's not just men unfortunately- just as many women cheat or do just as bad as this. It's some people unfortunately. And you can never tell which ones they are... because they behave differently in different relationships.. a cheater in one rel will be loyal in another... it almost makes it more sickening.. It's so hard to weed them out

Wow OP, you are being so strong. Do be prepared for the mil to change sides.

As a woman on dating sites I also feel sorry for the ooor women he may have duped into sending him wanking material. What a sorry fool he is.

just as many women cheat
Well that's just not true.
Men are more likely to cheat than women.
Women do, of course cheat but the % is higher for a man.

You go girl! Wish I had the courage to do the same.In my 50s, married 30 years!!!
Actually told him that if I was younger with kids and the prospect of a decent future, he would be out so fast ..probably will leave him anyway .
You won't regret it, you and DCs deserve better.Get all you are entitled to.And don't tell MIL all your plans,She may be conflicted.

@chunkymonkeysmama well done!! Many women don't have the courage to follow through with kicking the cheat out. Hopefully it will inspire them to never take shit like this. Stay strong, stay focused. You are setting a great example as you are worth more. I'm just so sorry that someone you trusted has done this. Shame on him!

I agree, there's plenty of women that cheat too, maybe not as much as men, but a significant amount. No cheating is acceptable, Ever.

But.. how many women use catfish pictures to coerce nude pictures from other men, chatting away and then using valuable family time sitting in the bathroom wanking over them half the day? Very very few I'd imagine.🤔

You can't post on tinder without a real pic, but if you are married you don't want your pic on there for everyone to see.

I assume they chat to you if you respond and explain. So he may have been looking to meet up. Some profiles explicitly say not single.

This must have come as a huge shock. Ironically tho, i don't think it means he doesn't love you or that he had any urge to leave. He probably just felt he needed something else, a thrill, a woman who wanted him sexually.

I’m confused as to how he used a fake location though?

tinder uses your current location as you’ve got to have ‘location services’ turned on to use the app so it knows where you are, and you then choose distance wise how far you want to match with people

Im pretty sure you can’t even enter a location. The app just searches for people within a certain mile radius from where ever you are.