A heartbreak support thread

[namechangedbutneedadvice]

I'm currently on day 7 of heartbreak central... split with my boyfriend of 16 months. It was a messy, semi-mutual ending but I still love him though know there's no way back from here. He's done. It's less than 2 years since I split with my husband (his 2nd affair) and I think the way I feel is a build up of heartbreak but it's just absolutely awful. It's a physical pain, totally distracting, I feel sick, no appetite at all, tearful, not sleeping. It's intolerable.

I posted a different thread about my situation but wanted to get some of us together for some support. I know I could do with some but I know it's helpful to support others too. Would you care to join? A place to offload and hopefully find a way forward xx

I'm going through the same x

I'm in the same boat too. Happened today. Not a partner but a very close friend who I'd fallen for - they don't feel the same way and no longer want any form of contact/friendship. I have stage 4 cancer and I feel like my world is collapsing around me.

Me

Sick.. Anxious
Lost all faith in men.

Scared and alone with my 3 boya

Hi bushka and thinking so sorry to hear that. It's just awful isn't it So raw. How have you been feeling? Are you managing to cope?

thinking I'm so sorry to hear that you have cancer. Sending so much love to you. I imagine it's harder when you've been friends first...

Another here. Split with H in July....he had a brief relationship then we decided to try again late November. I threw the towel in this morning. Still live him but I was miserable in the marriage. He is unable to show affection and I just felt constantly rejected. I'm heartbroken that we couldn't make it work.

Hi Greenmum hugs to you. I'm in a similar boat with two young DDs. I'm living on my nerves since divorce and although I was with my ex-boyfriend (oh god first time I'm referred to him as that... crying now...) because I loved him not for practical help, it was a comfort to know I had a strong man to help me.

Did you live together with your 3 DSs?

Hi 2019 oh so sorry. And it happened this morning? The feelings must still be very raw. How do you feel?

I’m in a similar position. Happened a few weeks ago now but seems to have only just hit me. We’ve spoken almost every day since it happened but just friendly/flirty chat. We’ve both avoided talking about what’s happened or why his feelings had changed.

I thought I could continue to be friends but the lines were getting blurred (for me at least) so I’ve decided I need to take a step back.

Feel totally drained. Sorry to hear you are also going through a hard time. Remember everything is temporary and this will pass. Or something like that x

Hi, I'd like to join. Left 3 months ago from a short but very intense relationship and dealt with an awful lot including emotional abuse. I'm having a really hard time getting over it. I did meet a friend today and had a good moan and that made me feel a bit better, plus am getting out to the gym. It doesn't help that I'm unemployed and live alone.

He got a new girlfriend after 3 weeks which really hurts. I feel heartbroken all over again and angry that he is now 'fixed' for his shiny new girl who he 'never argues with'.

I'm trying to move on and am going on a few dates with online dating. I would really like to be able to move on and forget about him. I don't want him back in my life and I don't want him taking up any more of my brain space but it's so hard. I am having lots of obsessive ruminating thoughts and they are difficult to deal with.

Hi Ashwater ugh so sorry. That does sounds hard... when it gets prolonged like that. You say it's only just hit you... it makes sense if there's been a kind of false hope. Imagine it is totally draining, how will you take a step back? Delete pictures / his number? Or just go NC for a while?

To be honest the thought that's calming me this evening is if we could be friends in the future. He said he wanted to but I said it'd be too painful. My sensible part says it's highly unrealistic but it's made me stop crying so I'm just going with that for now.

I’ll join in to...
Currently in limbo land, seem to be on a “break” (so might be a traitor) and don’t know what the outcome will be.

But I feel like I’ve lost my DP. The heartache, tears, anger, sleepless night, breakup diet etc... are horrible!

Hi namechanged it’s tricky because we work together so I can’t avoid him completely. My plan is to be polite but aloof. I’ve deleted his number, messages and boxed up all the bits and pieces he had here.

It’s not going to be easy as he has been initiating contact etc and one day I’d like to be friends but I know it isn’t doing me any good at the moment.

Take comfort where you can and don’t pressure yourself to feel better. It’s ok not be ok. Look after yourself and the kids. I find switching my phone off early evening gives me enough of a break to think a bit more clearly. If you’re anything like me then you’re flicking between apps all night! X

Barely coping tbh. Unable to eat. Have drunk a bottle of wine and spent most of the day crying. Just want to rewind time. Going to bed now and try to sleep. Head is throbbing and just feel so overwhelmingly sad and hurt.

thinking do that. Go to bed. But if you can't sleep get up and do something banale, get a warm milky drink to soothe you. Big hugs to you - check in again tomorrow

Sorry you’re having such a shit time of it @thinking. A decent nights sleep will definitely help. Have you got anyone you can talk to?

Hi Falaff and Duvetday sorry you have to be here too...

Falaff what a thing you've been through. It sounds like he's still managing to continue a kind of emotional abuse... or at least psychological punchbaggery. Can you go NC? The thing I always remember about my exH is that whoever he shacks up with next, is getting a turkey of a prize... a CHEATER. In your case and an emotionally abusive person. I'd pity her.

Duvet bloody hell... proper limbo. So unfair and torturous. How long has this been going on? Do you have a good support network?

My husband left me before Christmas, 10 years married, 23 years together, we have 3 children. I have good days and bad days, deep down I know I can be happier without him but he’s flaunting his online dating in front of my nose at the moment and that hurts. The thought of him with someone else makes me feel sick but I know I can’t stop him finding happiness. I’ve had two lovely hugs today from friends at work (that I haven’t spoken to for ages) and it meant so much, I am really trying to cling on to positive lovely things like that to help me feel better. Hope everyone else starts to feel better soon xx

Ashwater blimey you work together that's tough. How hard if he's initiating contact... do you actually bump into him very often? Hope you're managing to conceal your emotions at work or rather than you have a supportive friend in the know.

Well done for deleting his number and boxing up his things. I went through and deleted his photos/videos from the past 16 months... I had a horrible panicky feeling and was dry heaving at some points. I do feel better having done it though but the process was brutal.

Oh Ragcat so sorry to hear that. 23 years.... puts my 16 months into perspective.

It must've been so difficult over Christmas... hugs to you. And great to hear that you've got lovely friends around you... friends really can make all the difference. How are the children coping? And what is it with some men being complete shits once they leave when it's not necessary? Are you managing not to ruminate over him? I'm currently failing spectacularly... have deleted his number and unfriended him on Facebook but I keep checking it all the time. He changed his profile picture this evening and it's really upset me for some reason

@namechangedbutneedadvice it’s been on the cards for a few months, but the reality of the break has been 7 days. I still love him, but I think I just need to let go. It’s torture! I have a small support network, but think their getting fed up of tagging along on my emotional rollercoaster!

Hope your ok? And have a support network?

Is there a island somewhere we could all disappear to? I’m craving sunshine, empty days, and long walks in the sand!

It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster to be honest OP, I had to get through Christmas for the children, it was a huge shock at first. Then over New Year I got really angry because I found out he’d joined Tinder before even moving out, I said some horrible things and smashed his phone . Then he moved out and it felt a lot calmer and I was glad of the space but the last couple of weeks he’s used the joint account to pay for dates and taken the family car to drive his dates around in. He’s continued to see the kids and they seem ok at the moment. I just want the hurt to stop and to be able to move on, I’ve made lots of plans with the kids and am trying to be excited for our future x

OMG Duvetday our situations are quite similar. I still love him but am trying so hard to let him go and it actually physically hurts me. Especially because it was me that screwed it up. My eyes went all leathery from all the crying at one point (hopefully not as bad now). I was thinking today how I'd feel so much better on a sunlounger with the sun beating down on me. It's a nice dream...

Good to hear you have a support network. I do too thank goodness but am also struggling with not wanting to keep going on about it. Hopefully we can chat on here instead x and try to keep the faith....

In the same boat. We "split up" in Dec, he said he couldn't keep hurting me and needed to change. We are attempting space and no contact from tomorrow. We've never managed it before but think we have to try now.

I have nobody to talk to and often can't figure out how I got here.

I just want him back.

@namechangedbutneedadvice
I’m trying to stop droning off to my friends, but it’s hard. Feel like if I stay with my own thoughts, I’m going to go insane! Don’t beat yourself up, by claiming yourself. I just feel like my situation is out of my control, and I don’t know how to do. Feels like so much of my future is being thrown away.

@glosstwit I’m trying to do NC this week, and on the “break” hoping he changes, but think I’m just kidding myself that something is just going to bite him on the ass and make him realise what is being thrown away! I too don’t know how the hell ive ended up here, think I’ve questioned and analysed everything from every angle (stupid i know) but still don’t have a clue! I just want to go back to the happier days!!

@DuvetDay2day it's so hard isn't it? For the last six years we've never gone a day not talking. I have no idea what NC even looks like. Cried so much today I passed out