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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

A heartbreak support thread

316 replies

namechangedbutneedadvice · 28/01/2019 20:37

I'm currently on day 7 of heartbreak central... split with my boyfriend of 16 months. It was a messy, semi-mutual ending but I still love him though know there's no way back from here. He's done. It's less than 2 years since I split with my husband (his 2nd affair) and I think the way I feel is a build up of heartbreak but it's just absolutely awful. It's a physical pain, totally distracting, I feel sick, no appetite at all, tearful, not sleeping. It's intolerable.

I posted a different thread about my situation but wanted to get some of us together for some support. I know I could do with some but I know it's helpful to support others too. Would you care to join? A place to offload and hopefully find a way forward xx

OP posts:
Napssavelives · 29/01/2019 15:05

I cried in the car all the way to pick up, now sat trying to compose myself before I go get them. I honestly don’t know how I’m going to get us all through this, I’m heartbroken

thinkingaboutfostering · 29/01/2019 15:21

Now my work have just denied my annual leave to attend my oldest friends wedding. My week keeps on getting better!

Glosstwit · 29/01/2019 15:27

Anyone else finding they frequently forget to eat? Then spend 3 hours thinking about the fact they forgot to eat, then decide it's too late to eat?

Greenmum2019 · 29/01/2019 15:28

namechangedbutneedadvice

Hugs

💗

Duvetday2day · 29/01/2019 15:37

@glosstwit yes I keep forgetting to eat. DP (or xDP) said before when he popped in and gave me a hug, that I’ve wasted away!

@thinkingaboutfostering chin up! Have you asked why it’s been refused?

@napssavelives hope you’ve managed to compose yourself? It’s hard and it’s horrible.

It’s a blizzard here, I’m led on the sofa watching quiz shows, with a banging headache, with the fire on.

HoundOfTheBasketballs · 29/01/2019 17:26

@Glosstwit, I think today is the first day since Friday where I've consumed over 500 calories in solid food. I think I've been drinking more wine than I've been eating.

thinkingaboutfostering · 29/01/2019 18:39

Crying uncontrollably again 😢

Greenmum2019 · 29/01/2019 19:16

Let yourself @thinkingaboutfostering

Today I've allowed myself three episodes of crying!!
Ive dragged myself to Slimming world and lost 5lbs! So silver lining eh!!

Napssavelives · 29/01/2019 19:25

Sits with you @thinkingaboutfostering. One of my friends keeps telling me that I will keep breaking down but that each time I won’t go as low as the first time. It offered me sine comfort, when at rock bottom the only way is up.

My eldest son brought hone a book from the school library today called I love daddy . They don’t know what’s going on but it’s still very hard. I had to read it to them before bed and talk about the reasons why we loved daddy 💔

Greenmum2019 · 29/01/2019 20:50

@Napssavelives

It is so hard isn't it. Xx

Duvetday2day · 29/01/2019 21:12

@napssavelives
I feel like when your going through this break up / unknown period there are so many things which make you vulnerable. Whether it’s a jumper, item or food in the fridge, book, picture in the hall, sock in the tumble dryer. Tonight I’ve cried as I wanted to watch the next episode of a series, but it’s a thing me and DP did together.

@greenmum2019 well done for the sw! I need to jump on some scales, or join sw!

Original poster
namechangedbutneedadvice · 29/01/2019 23:26

Ugh I just wrote a message and it hasn't uploaded. the upshot was that I'm bloody shattered and going to bed. big love to all speak yo yuou tomo xxx

OP posts:
Bleubell · 30/01/2019 00:01

Just split with boyfriend tonight after 9 months. Not long in the grand scheme of things but we were very much in love and I'm not quite sure what has happened.

Feeling very confused and teary 😥

Sorry you are all going through heartbreak, it really does feel awful. Hopefully time will mend and in a few months or so we can all look back and think this was all for the best.

Greenmum2019 · 30/01/2019 09:27

@thinkingaboutfostering

Have you got any craft bits?? I could post you a crochet needle and a ball Of wool with some instructions and you can start a blanket?? It really does help.
As you cancer nurses if there is access to art therapy support. I am. An artist and have worked with so many people using craft as therapy.

Dm if you want me to post you a little parcel xx

Napssavelives · 30/01/2019 10:34

Another vote for crochet, in making the baby a blanket.

Im at CAB this morning, it’s heartbreaking and humiliating 😢

Original poster
namechangedbutneedadvice · 30/01/2019 11:00

Hello all and welcome Bleubell Flowers sorry you're here too Sad how are you feeling this morning? The first morning is awful. Do you have any time for yourself today? Get out for a walk or bang some box sets on? Hugs to you Flowers

I went to a concert at a big venue with my two DDs (9&7) last night... we got back about 10:30/11pm. I'm like a zombie this morning but trying to work from home.

Greenmum such a lovely offer... thinkingaboutfostering hope you do it. I really should get into crochet, it's right up my street.

Napssavelives hugs to you too. It might be humiliating but you're arming yourself with information which is only a good thing. Deep breath and focus on the bigger picture... I can't believe the book you had to read to your DCs Confused you're a strong beautiful woman. Did you come up with your thing you like about yourself yet?!

OP posts:
Original poster
namechangedbutneedadvice · 30/01/2019 11:08

Oh and the eating thing... yes... when I'm happy I eat loads, when I'm heartbroken I don't. Haven't been able to bear the thought of food or wine which is polar opposite to my normal... though with the prospect of talking to my ex this evening my appetite has come back a bit. Ended up snacking on things while we were out and about last night. I also have a family funeral tomorrow... it's been a shitty couple of weeks. But... onwards...

OP posts:
thinkingaboutfostering · 30/01/2019 15:45

Thanks everyone.
I'm doing a bit better today. I managed a shift at work and was really good to have some company. Had a bit of a cry in the car on the way home but right now I'm calm.

I've got a knitting blanket on the go actually! Sadly I can't croquet. I have a nerve problem in my left arm which means I can't keep the tension right whilst doing it. I can knit though and so I've been doing some of that. I think I just needed to cry and wallow yesterday and feel hurt.

I've started writing a letter to her as well. I'm going to give it some time before I actually send it - to give her some time to process and calm down. It's also feels less intrusive and more personal somehow than texting or emailing? I don't know. I need some time to get it right anyhow.

Dinky123 · 30/01/2019 16:24

Hi Guys,

Was wondering if I could join. Found out last week partner had been to a massage parlour. Found the receipt on the floor. He first lied to me when I confronted him about it but then told the truth when he knew I wasn't going to let it pass. This is a year after I found out he had done the same when away for work.

Am heartbroken. He is trying to minimise his behaviour by saying that he felt like he couldn't talk to me and it pushed him to do it.

He messaged today saying could I please take more time to think after saying things were over. Replied a couple of hours ago to say that I dont need more time and that I want to be on my own and get on with things. Haven't heard back since. This is the end isn't it? Sad

HoundOfTheBasketballs · 30/01/2019 18:40

Oh @Dinky123. How horrible. Thanks

Only you can say whether it's truly over or not, but for me that would be the end. Especially given the fact that he's not absolutely mortified and apologetic but actually has the audacity to try and blame you! Angry
What a shitting bastard.
Come and join us here. There's tissues and wine, chocolate, cake, chocolate cake and plenty of sympathetic ears.

Napssavelives · 30/01/2019 19:44

Went to CAB today, made me feel stronger . Financially we’d be just fine, we don’t need him. Still want him but we’d be ok, I could cope and support the kids. Knowledge is power and that, makes me feel more in control

SunnySideUpX · 30/01/2019 19:50

I'm going through the same, but would like to offer support.

If anyone would like to PM me I would be happy to WhatsApp/start a support group!

Greenmum2019 · 30/01/2019 19:53

Husband came home to change before his run. He looked sad and worried.

I've felt strong all day about the decision to split up. And now I just want to stroke his face and hug him.

Even thought I know it won't change anything.... He won't change and I will. End up hurting more in the long run.

This is so hard.

Being a grown sucks 😱😒😥

falaff · 30/01/2019 20:46

Hi everyone. Feeling a little bit better today but still can't stop the endless thinking. I think it's because I haven't had proper closure in that I want him to actually understand what he's done and give me a proper heartfelt apology instead of some mumbling one. But I know that won't happen and I need to leaen to let it go.

I think I am mostly mourning the loss of the relationship and the closeness we had, not him. I know that if he asked me back (which I was expecting at first but obviously not since he found someone else after 3 weeks) I would say no. It just all seems so very unfair.

I agree that crafting is a good distraction. I've started a new project so hoping to use that to take my mind off things.

Just wish I wasn't still feeling like this after 3 months. I feel like I'm completely broken.

Napssavelives · 30/01/2019 21:07

@Greenmum2019 agreed there is something about having them in front of you that makes it so much harder. J can’t help but be drawn to my DH, I just want to go to him, hug him and kiss him. I have a real beed for closeness and comfort right now