A heartbreak support thread

[namechangedbutneedadvice]

I'm currently on day 7 of heartbreak central... split with my boyfriend of 16 months. It was a messy, semi-mutual ending but I still love him though know there's no way back from here. He's done. It's less than 2 years since I split with my husband (his 2nd affair) and I think the way I feel is a build up of heartbreak but it's just absolutely awful. It's a physical pain, totally distracting, I feel sick, no appetite at all, tearful, not sleeping. It's intolerable.

I posted a different thread about my situation but wanted to get some of us together for some support. I know I could do with some but I know it's helpful to support others too. Would you care to join? A place to offload and hopefully find a way forward xx

Greenmum crying and chuckling sounds good to me. I've been mainlining 30 Rock because Tina Fey makes me laugh so much. It's been a saving grace. #reginaphalange

theneverendingcleaningcycle you're very welcome although sorry you have to join ugh another horrible limbo of false hope. So hard when children are involved. You've been doing brilliantly to cope with all this and be a mum during what's supposed to be a happy time of year then suddenly through a cold January. Wish I had some magic words my DDs have really helped to take my mind off things I hope that's the same for you. Offload on here all you like x

The talk happened. Even more confused. We've agreed to a single message at the end of the day just to let the other know they're alright. Said he loved me.

Currently sobbing on my sofa, where I sleep because the entire house and the bedroom has his spirit lingering over it.

Is it too early to open a bottle of wine??

I’d be on the wine if I wasn’t pregnant, go for it. Medicinal

Ah Glosstwit no it's perfectly acceptable after 11. It sounds torturous feeling his presence everywhere. Take all the time you need then eventually start re-claiming your space. I bought a new bed and bedding and can't convey how much it helped.

Still no email... though he may be working

It’s weird isn’t it how this can make us so crazy. If I text my husband and he hasn’t responded I find myself checking what’s app to see when he was last active to see if he is actually ignoring me. Been ignored makes me rage

Hi everyone, can I join?

Dumped on Saturday by my boyfriend of 18 months. Totally out of the blue. I thought we were doing great. But he's met someone else. I thought we'd gone beyond even looking at other people. The biggest problem is he's not a bastard. He was terribly apologetic, but obviously I just wasn't enough for him. It's such a blow to my self esteem.
I think I'm getting through the spontaneously bursting into tears and reaching the bitter and twisted phase now!
I'm not eating or sleeping properly and I'm self medicating with alcohol and cigarettes which probably isn't helpful.
I'm fine, as long as I keep busy. It's when I'm not doing anything that I find myself just sitting there, staring into space, getting all upset.
OP, you've been so amazingly lovely to everyone on this thread, which is such a wonderful, selfless thing to do when you're going through your own hurt. for you.

Yes thank you OP. I just wish he hadn't strung me along for a month. I feel so utterly despondent. I'm angry and sad and just done. It's so hard when you have to pull yourself together for kids and work just want to crawl into bed and not move.

@greenmum Glad you seem to find the strength. Some days I do, then I just seem to relapse.

@Glosstwit it’s horrible isn’t it, you think the talk will happen and a line will be drawn under it, or you’ll talk about a solution to getting back on track. The 3 little words come out and your left even more confused!

Well I’ve got up, had a shower, come downstairs to hear noises in the garage. It was DP and his work colleague, grabbing some tools, and putting some back. NC our the window, he stayed for a brew, and has left again now. I’ve just text him to say, I don’t mind him getting things he needs, but he could ask to come round, rather than leaving me surprised.

@napssavelives yes I did the crazy phase, WhatsApp, Facebook, messenger, and then just leave myself even more frustrated when they don’t respond!

@houndofthebasketballs
Don’t beat yourself up, all them emotions are natural, and you will just keep going through them. It will be this hours phase, then the next hour, then it will chance to this day I’m angry, the next day I’m sad! I too need to keep busy, but struggle to concentrate on anything.

I keep checking WhatsApp too. To see if she's read my message. Struggling to picture life without her support and love. My heart is breaking today - I can't stop crying and shaking

Hi Houndsofthebasketballs sorry you're here too what a shock... it would be easier to just hate someone and use that but it's not that easy is it? Like napssavelives said, it's weird how crazy this makes you. I've been at my wits end. And cycling through different emotions sad, rage, calm... Alcohol and cigarettes are fine if they're helping. Once they don't, stop.

duvetday the cheeky bugger. Well done for setting a boundary xx

Well he's replied to my email said he's open to talking but we can't find a day to meet til next week so might just chat on the phone tomorrow night. I can't do tonight as I am taking my DDs to a show, had it booked for months. I also received my 'things' from him about an hour ago. I'd forgotten, it was a wadge of paperwork I leant him to help with business planning. It was just that in an envelope... was half expecting a note it doesn't bode well.

I get the impression he is happy to talk because he's the sort of person who hates leaving things badly with people. It's what he's like, very decent. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing... even if we don't manage to work through things, I suppose it's marginally better to make peace with someone before you split for good. I've just eaten a sandwich, it's not sitting right...

And houndsofthebasketballs thank you for your nice words. If I'm being honest it's helping me to feel less alone, knowing others understand how I feel. Heartbreak is so lonely...

@thinkingaboutfostering it’s horrible isn’t it, can you watch a film? Meet someone for coffee? Try and distract yourself.

I’m currently sorting through clothes, trying not to cry, who knew folding washing could be therapeutic?

@namechangedbutneedadvicr atleast you have a reply. It may help just to talk through things and make peace with each other, despite either outcome. It may give you some closure? I understand that face to face is prolonging there conversation, and you rather do it sooner rather than later, but i personally would prefer face to face x

I've done all my dvds to death. I've just moved house (too be nearer to her) and currently got no internet or tv licence. Not got many friends around here either.

I've got the fire going. A cup of tea and am going to try and sleep a bit more. Wearing myself out with all the crying

thinkingaboutfostering she really does sound like she's behaving very shittily. I'm sorry keep drinking water or you'll dehydrate. Calm your breathing and have a nap. Is it worth going to the GP given your diagnosis, just to make sure how you feel is not impacting it unduly?

I've got support from my cancer care nurses who have been great.

It's my fault she asked me for space just before Xmas and then I was really ill over New Years so she was getting lots of updates from my family. I've then tried messaging her several times to which she never replied and I got cross when I saw her online on WhatsApp and ignoring my messages.
If I hadn't got cross she would still be here

thinkingaboutfostering it sounds like the pressure got to her a bit. Can I ask, do you think she just needs some space or is it a definitive end? Sorry to ask, hope it's not an unhelpful question. Either way, you need to prioritise yourself at this time. It's great you have supportive cancer nurses looking out for you.

I don't know. Part of me is clinging to the slight possibility that she is truly just overwhelmed with everything that's going on. She has autism and has also recently moved house. There's been lots of big changes. But I can't change them and that's life.

thinkingaboutfostering ah I see. I imagine the change is really making her suffer over and above a neurotypical person's experience. I don't want to stick my oar in, just try and keep connected to your friends even though they don't live nearby xx

No it's fine it's good to talk it through. I'm going to do as she asked and give her some space. In a couple of weeks/ month or so I'll send her a letter and see where that leads. At least with a letter I won't stress over whether she reads it or not and it removes any pressure her end. All I want is for us to remain friends - nothing more

@namechangedbutneedadvice

30 Rock... Just started it. Also it always sunny in philadelphia is one I can just stare at.

Now need to put my happy face on and go pick up the kids pffff

How is this my life?

Ah Greenmum... I will try Always Sunny in Philadelphia, I keep seeing that pop up. Hope you enjoy 30 Rock. Good luck with the happy face, I have to do the same shortly although managed to sob on my friend in the street yesterday at drop off. Solidarity...

Snap @greenmum2019 school pick up in half an hour then swimming lessons. I feel broken, I just found one his jumpers and it smells like him and j miss his and love him so much

Deep breaths napssavelives xxxxxx