A heartbreak support thread

[namechangedbutneedadvice]

I'm currently on day 7 of heartbreak central... split with my boyfriend of 16 months. It was a messy, semi-mutual ending but I still love him though know there's no way back from here. He's done. It's less than 2 years since I split with my husband (his 2nd affair) and I think the way I feel is a build up of heartbreak but it's just absolutely awful. It's a physical pain, totally distracting, I feel sick, no appetite at all, tearful, not sleeping. It's intolerable.

I posted a different thread about my situation but wanted to get some of us together for some support. I know I could do with some but I know it's helpful to support others too. Would you care to join? A place to offload and hopefully find a way forward xx

@namechangedbutneedadvice thank you 💕 I'm doing okay today, I've binge watched Netflix and comfort ate most of the day 😂 going to pull myself together and get up early tomorrow, go for a long walk with my dog and do some uni work! Back to work next week so that should help to get some normality back.

How are you doing? Hope you enjoyed your concert and you are taking care of yourself!

So sad to hear there is so many of us struggling at the moment 😢 my friend is also having some difficulties in her relationship so we have been reminding each other we are better than this, so just a reminder to everyone here you are all amazing and know your worth! 💕 hugs to all xx

I’ve had a bit so productive day, biggest achievement that in all the days I’ve been sat at home, someone has won on the chase! What has my life come too? Hoping to go back to work next week, for some normality.

@namechangedbutneedadvice how did the phone call go tonight?

It’s a horrible time of the year to be struggling, it’s cold and bitter outside. Everyone is miserable in January.

@thinkingaboutfostering glad you managed to do a day at work. The letter probably will help you get some feelings out, even if you don’t send it yet.

@dinky123 welcome! Sorry that your in the same boat, do what your gut is telling you. You’ve already forgiven him once

@napsavelives glad CAB helped today,

@Greenmum2019 my DP came here before (unexpected again) I asked him what the hell is going on? He just looked sad, fed up and shrugged his shoulders! All I ask is for communication. He ended it last week, said he needed space, this week we was meant to be NC and then he keeps showing up. Completely messing with my head. Wish I had your strength!

@Duvetday2day

They are selfish... Not realising that it is stringing you along.

I hid in the bath and cried last night. Felt so so low and sad.

This morning feel more optimistic. I guess it's like grief now.... 10 years and 3 kids.... Its gonna be a bumpy road

How is everyone this morning?

Heartbreak really is a good name for it,isn't it? I get a pain in my chest from think ing about my relationship(currently in counselling) and it hurts like hell when I am sobbing.
Sleeping better now but still sometimes wake up upset when another horrible thought comes into my head.
So sad so many people are going through this,especially with DCs that you are trying to protect while coping with your own grief.
It is horrible that people who once shared your life can be so cruel and just so unkind.
If we could find a suitable island, it would be so crowded! But full of supportive people.
One day at a time everyone, one foot in front of the other.

@greenmum2019 The selfishness and lack of communication is what’s driving me to breaking point. He makes his decision, I give him the list of things we need to sort out, he doesn’t say anything, but then just goes back to his old ways. At the point now where enough is enough, and I’m fed up. I laid down the law this morning as he left, (he stayed last night due to motorway closures and bad weather), I’ve said if he is “sticking around” this is his last chance and things NEED to change. If they aren’t going to change, he collects all his things, and the DSCs things and goes. He made his bed, time he lies in it. He’s not here tonight, so I’ve said he need to let me know at the weekend. Wish I was strong enough just to tell him to f-off! But I started the grieving process of our relationship weeks ago, and think I’m getting stronger to say it!

Glad your feeling better today, have you made a list of all the things you need to sort out / consider?

@Duvetday2day

I garuntee that he will want to. Change but want have the energy or intuition to do it.

We are waiting for the impossible to happen.

I also think they won't take the unitistive and leave. Which means we have to be the bad guys and kick them out.

I've made my list on my Phone. I covered time scales for him to move out..... A suggested financial agreement for our separation which includes me and the boys staying in our house and him. Paying the mortgage for 2 years then assess it. This doesn't need to be set in stone just a plan for us to work with.

I still think space between us for another week before I present this to. Him is best.
Unless he brings it up. Doubt that!

He's working till late tonight, I'm out tomorrow at my mums Saturday. Sunday eve will. Be the first time see eachother.

I'm like. A zombie today. Just about doing the bare minimum for. My tihbgest while. Others out at nusery and school. Tried to eat but threw it up. Feel. Terrible

@greenmum2019
My thoughts exactly. He’s had months to change, and says he will and doesn’t. When it all came to a head 2weeks ago, he said it was over. For the first time I accepted it, and starting the break up process. Think I’m going to have to throw him out, to make that reality. Made harder because I’m also throwing the DSC out.

I did that list. Things to sort like the house, belongings, business, holidays which are booked, new house which is verging on completion, the pets, accounts for his business. Luckily I own the house we live in. He has no right to it.

Atleast you have a little break from the DC, just try and have a day of doing nothing. Who cares if the washing goes on today or tomorrow. Good to see your having a few days away from him, do you think anything will change over the weekend? Could you ask him to take the DC to the park? Give you some space?

I’m so tired and under so much pressure and I’m cracking. I’m shouting at the kids, I’m crying , my body is under so much stress that I’ve lost weight again. It’s feels like I’m getting a migraine and I want to curl up on the sofa and cry.

Bad days all round

This just broke me....

I hear you @greenmum2019 stuff like that kills me too. What are your plans when the kids are in bed? I plan to get into bed with a hot water bottle and watch crap on Netflix. How I get through the next 2-3 hours is a different matter. CBeebies, quicker shower for the kids and more CBeebies. I’ve shouted at my boys a lot today, I’m cracking up. Keep getting random cramps too which makes me worry about the baby and ore term labour. I’m only 21 weeks. I need to try calm down, baby is too young, he can’t survive outside of me yet

Hi everyone... sorry for being absent these last few days. I had a family funeral today 100 miles from where I live so have been toing and froing. Hello to everyone who's joined since I've been absent you're very welcome here and as Houndsofthebasketballs said so well (which I love!), we've got wine, tissues, chocolate, ice cream and sympathetic ears here so avail yourselves

Greenmym and Duvetday2day excellent ot hear you both making plans and feeling stronger. Really really excellent It's such a rollercoaster of emotions... that pic Greenmum

Napssavelives ah you're under so much pressure. I too get irritable with my DDs... when I'd just split from exH it was the worst and I felt just awful bless them because they were struggling too. Don't be hard on yourself, just make it through to bedtime then go and crumble for a bit. Get in bed and feel snug. Then re-group tomorrow. You can do this and you will

I spoke to my ex last night for about an hour. It was a weird chat... we both stilll want eachother in our lives but we both have kids that we haven't met (not strictly true, I met his DSs once for about 5 minutes) and see eachother maybe once a week. I don't want another husband or to live together and neither does he but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. He doesn't want to call himself my boyfriend and said I love you but has now said shit like "but what IS love" It doesn't feel very respectful and while it suits me to take it slow it's a monumental head. I think we will meet up next week as friends but I'm otherwise going to take a step back. It hurts but not as raw as last week. And it's exposed all the things that are unresolved from my divorce. I can't decide whether to finish it completely... will see how next week goes.

And to add insult to injury it is bloody freezing and grey here. I can't wait to curl up in bed tonight. How are you all feeling tonight? x

My eldest son asked me to text my husband (they think he’s working away)

This is his message

I miss you daddy, I hope you come home soon. I love you daddy , I really hope you are coming home really really soon love from Xxxx ❤️❤️❤️

Broken

It gets worse, he’s just asked me if daddy is coming back . My poor boy

Oh napssavelives utter heartbreak I'm so sorry I still cry at the thought of the day we told DDs we were separating and DD2 climbed on my lap sobbing and apologised for getting tears on my t-shirt stay strong my lovely. I hope he really feels the pain of the shitty way he's behaving xxx

Oh my goodness that’s heartbreaking :(

I want to swoop them up put them on a plane and get us all out of this situation. My poor poor babies :(

They have you looking out for them which is the absolute best thing. I wish I had some magic words x all I know is that my DDs are more resilient and amazing than I already thought they were and even though it's hard for them to understand, they are fine. And they have friends who can relate to their situation. And with both me and their dad they just know the love they feel and that is the main thing.

@napssavelives Big hugs! If I find that island I will let you know. Have you managed to speak to your DH or is everything in limbo at the minute? He can’t just keep his head buried in the sand, especially with DC and a bother on the way. He needs to pick up the responsibility, hopefully that message may make him see some sense! Please look after yourself, try and relax. You found something to watch on Netflix?

@Greenmum2019 Big hugs! How your ok? I guess you have a DC in reception, as I did that homework with the DSC last weekend?

@namechangedbutneedadvice glad to hear that you have spoke, and got some answers and closure. Men struggle to commit and communicate IMO. Hopefully seeing him next week as friends, will give you some closure and answers to make a final decision x

Hi everyone.

I feel hollow. Just completely dead inside. Like someone came along and scooped out all the fun, happy parts of me and just left a few dregs of misery and bitterness.
I've stopped crying, and I've stopped drinking and smoking for the time being which is positive.
I've got a really busy weekend planned to keep my mind off things. But I honestly just feel a bit like I'm going through the motions. Like I'm sleepwalking.

I have stepped back myself but feeling very low...

Were together for a year and we had ups and downs...

1st of January spent together but I have witnessed him getting irritated by me and by my presence that day. I ended it. But miss him. I genuinely missed the person he was back in June-July 2018.

We are not in contact anymore...

Morning all Hounds and Inexperienced how are you feeling this morning? Hounds I guess now you've stopped drinking for a bit the feelings must really be hitting you. So sorry my lovely, I kept busy last weekend and found that there was healing in doing things. It did feel like going through the motions but I went to a museum and lost myself in culture for a bit. Keep heart.

Inexperienced so sorry you're here with us it's so hard when fundamentally, you just miss the person. And sometimes it doesn't equate to how long you've been together. Big hugs to you.

Everyone else Duvet thinking Greenmum naps ferfeckssake hope you're all doing okay.

Still talking to my ex... no further forward. Feelings not so raw but just feel down about it all. Am having to keep busy though so that's helping. Started wondering why I get such validation from men
Plans for today everyone?

Yesterday was the worst day ever. I couldn't control my sadness. I was sick and couldn't keep food down and cried all night long.

I need to talk with my husband. I need to understand properly what is going on. We have just given esch other space all week. But this weekend we need to unpack it all. And make a plan forward.

Tosay i cuddling my youngest and taking him to his therapy session. Then to the pub this evening. X

I watched Vicky Pattison - The Break Up on TV last night. Cried almost all the way through, but it does show that there's light at the end of the tunnel and it really does just take time.
So many of the things she said really resonated with me.
The snow now means most of my weekend plans are cancelled. So I can spend the weekend moping about the place instead!