A heartbreak support thread

[namechangedbutneedadvice]

I'm currently on day 7 of heartbreak central... split with my boyfriend of 16 months. It was a messy, semi-mutual ending but I still love him though know there's no way back from here. He's done. It's less than 2 years since I split with my husband (his 2nd affair) and I think the way I feel is a build up of heartbreak but it's just absolutely awful. It's a physical pain, totally distracting, I feel sick, no appetite at all, tearful, not sleeping. It's intolerable.

I posted a different thread about my situation but wanted to get some of us together for some support. I know I could do with some but I know it's helpful to support others too. Would you care to join? A place to offload and hopefully find a way forward xx

I don’t feel as strong as what I have in the last few days. Anxious over things that are occurring. DSC are here tonight for the weekend, I need to have the firm talk with DP and work our the path forward, we can’t continue like this, and I’m back to work on Monday. It all makes me feel sick, and I didn’t sleep great last night from tossing and turning.

I’ve wanted to watch that @houndofthebasketballs need to find it on catch up somewhere!

I'm trying to leave an emotionally abusive relationship. I'm heartbroken as I love him so much and when he's 'nice' I adore him. I know it's not healthy though and after 18 months I need to get myself and my 2 DC out.

Hi everyone, I'm feeling a bit better but still sad most days and the overthinking continues. I find it hard seeing people that we knew together, mostly from work, and I have to have a bit of a cry as it brings things back. It's definitely helping seeing friends though and also doing exercise.

Does anyone have any rumination techniques to share? I feel that if I can challenge those more then I will be a lot happier.

How's everyone doing today?

Greenmum hugs to you my lovely gah this will be a big weekend then... I hope you had lovely cuddles with DS this afternoon. Are you going to the pub with friends? Hopefully the change of scene and chance to chat will be helpful. Stay strong, deep breaths and hopefully you can sort some things out this weekend. Much love to you xxx

Hounds sorry your plans are cancelled. Do you have viable plan Bs? I don't think I'm ready for something to make me cry... I need comedy all the way... still ploughing through 30 Rock...

Duvet you have a big chat coming up this weekend too... hugs to you. It's weird how you can feel so different one moment to the next. Hope you get some sleep tonight xx

Falaff glad you're on a fairly even keel at the moment. Exercising sounds good... I'd say that's my tip for ruminating. Get out and do something that takes you into your body and out of your head. Mind you the museum trip last weekend really helped too... got lost in a bit of culture. As for thinking patterns I'm the worst person to advise I obsess over things so easily... bad where pining for someone is concerned...

Hi nowheretorunorhide your situation sounds very hard. But it does sound like you know what you need to do for you and your DCs. The battle of head over heart.... talk to people and find some allies to keep you accountable. You need to get out before the situation gets worse and your mental (and physical) wellbeing is eroded. Much love to you... keep talking

Hi Glosstwit am not too bad today. Though the minute I'm not around people, my face falls and I start mooning over things. Hope I sleep tonight. How are you doing?

I can't do this. I just want it over. I can't stop crying at the betrayal. I know I am pathetic. But I can't see any hope for the future. I'm humiliated, broken and confused.

I can't go on. My kids are in bed and I have a shit load of wine. I've deleted his shit off sky plus but all I want to do is take a shit load of codeine and sleeps and hope this has all been a fucking bad dream.

I can't do this

Brokeninside I'm so sorry would it help to talk about it?

I have nothing to say.

I just hate myself. I'm pathetic. He cheated and I'm the mess. I'm just destroyed. Never thought he would do this. It's not him.

It sounds incredibly painful and raw at the moment. You say the kids are in bed now... have a glass of wine but look after yourself. You sound like you're in shock apart from anything else xx

@brokeninsideandscared it will get easier, even though right now it won’t feel like it will. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions, but be strong for your DC, you deserve so much more than being cheated on and emotional abuse.

I’m a over thinker too, and a planner. I feel so upset tonight that all these plans, have just been cast aside, and I’m just worrying about the future and the bigger picture. Over thinking every scenario in my head. I spent the afternoon crying, then panicking, then the last few hours with the DSC. I’ve not even spoke to DP since he came home. I have said that we need to make the final decision this weekend, and act on it. He needs to take everything on Sunday. No more half in and half out! I’m sure I’m prob going to cry again soon!

Duvet you're approaching crunch time it seems, no wonder you're so up and down. I think you're doing brilliantly by the way, having to be the strong one while DP dordles. Cry when you need to and just go with the calm feelings when they come. Slow deep breaths x

I just want to die.

Brokeninsideandscared you've had a massive shock. Take a deep breath... Cry it out. Much love to you Don't forget the Samaritans number is 116123 if you feel like you want to speak to somebody xxx

@brokeninsideandscared I hear the pain you are in and I can really relate. Sometimes I feel feel so hurt and overwhelmed by all of this that dying feels like my only option . I think it’s hard to see past the pain when you are in that situation, I was there last night too but I do know these feelings do pass, it won’t always be this hard, then are up and down and this is the hardest part.

What are your plans for today? I plan on keeping busy, husband wants to come talk this evening and he’s looking after the kids tomorrow whilst I work. He wants to make a new plan for next week so I feel less exhausted but I can’t let him help me. I’m too angry st him. I’m pregnant ffs. You don’t do this to a pregnant person, I’m very vulnerable right now and he knows it.

I know I'm late to the thread, but I just wanted to share something someone said to me when I was first going through my own bit of trauma (nearly three years ago now-found out my best friend had been seeing my husband behind my back for a year and a half).
I really lost the plot tbh-I'd just started a new job and ended up losing it three months later-as a person that's always been good at my job that was also really tough. Anyway I was in a tangle and an older friend of mine said something like ' it won't always hurt like this. It will always hurt, but it won't always feel like this'. I felt he really got it, because he didn't minimise what I was going through-I will be stuck with this for life really in one way or another-but it did give some hope that I wouldn't feel as truly wretched as I did at that point.
And it turned out to be true... I was at rock bottom really-there weren't many trains I got on that first summer without first thinking ' I could just chuck myself underneath that and have done with it all'-but three years in, although I still have bad days and an sometimes still get side swiped by feeling upset about it all again out of nowhere, or triggered by something random-I'm much better.
Counselling has helped me-I didn't think it would-but it has. But more than anything else it's just time really.
You will all get there ladies-to a point where it still hurts but not in the same all encompassing way it does now... lots of love to you all.

I’m absolutely heartbroken today. I’ve been sick, panic attacks, anxiety, I am absolutely devostated, angry and upset. I can’t stop crying, need to take the DSC to swimming lessons.

*brokeinsideandscared You poor thing .I do feel your pain.At the beginning of January, I too felt the same.Suicidal , broken, lined up the pills to try to just sleep and forget.I did call the Samaritans who really helped talk me down that day.
It is now February .Things are not perfect, but I am coping.You will get there too.
I thought I could never recover from those awful traumatic feelings, but I guess our bodies and minds force us to go on.
It is such an intense time , it is hard to see an end to it.But having to go on for your DCs will give you strength.
Maybe make a note to see how you are on March 1st.,? You will be amazed how different things will seem.
I wish you well.As do many others.

Morning everyone how are you doing today? Thelastnigel what lovely words. It's such an incredible thing to feel like someone 'gets' you. Lots of love back at you x

Naps why do you say you can't let him help you? Yes you are in a vulnerable position through no fault of your own. This doesn't mean he shouldn't stump up and pull his weight, don't feel like you owe him anything for that. He should feel shitty about the way he's behaving and I hope he does. Sending lots of love for the conversation tonight, you deserve so much more than this.

I think I'm drifting into a friends scenario with my ex/non-ex. After 16 months of I love yous and joking proposals of marriage... It's twisting my head. It suits me perfectly in some ways. Why can't I stop overthinking this? Maybe my problem is more of a 'Relationships' issue now... just been feeling numb the last few days.

Duvet so sorry my lovely, I've absolutely been where you are. Heartbeat racing in my head and wondering how I can go on... just try and stay hydrated, get through swimming, feed the kids sandwiches for dinner and let them have screen time. This is a matter of survival today.

Or better still don't take them swimming at all and tell them it's a bed day today because mummy's ill and it's freezing outside. ABSOLUTELY fine to do that.

They are my DSC this will be there last swimming lesson, as it’s something I do with them for the last year.
It’s over, he said as much this morning. I’m in the “friend” zone. He’s out now with the eldest DSC, I have the 2 younger ones, they won’t leave my side. We’ve agreed that this afternoon I will say bye to them, it’s heartbreaking knowing I won’t see them again after all these years.

Oh darling, I'm so sorry. How awful You just have to be real in this situation. It's messed up. Take the chance today to tell them what you want them to know.

I just feel so sad, I’m loosing my best friend, family, partner, future home, plans, everything. It’s unbearable.
It’s going to leave a huge hole in my life, my home and my heart.
I’ve become strong in the last two weeks, and today everything around me is just coming crashing down, for a situation outside of my control.

I think surely today will be one of the worst bits it's natural that you're crumbling a bit today. You're right to feel devastated and I know that me saying "you'll get through this" won't really help. But you won't feel like this foreever and you'll rebuild a wonderful life for yourself. It doesn't mean this isn't the absolute pits... don't feel alone... (as much as a person on a Mumsnet thread can help you not to...)

Duvet. That's exactly it.

I'm forcing down toast. I feel lost.

But also weirdly proactive.