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Original poster

130k - AIBU?

192 replies

user18504 · 09/01/2019 19:32

Parents just inherited 130k from a grandparent. Nothing gifted to me or my sibling in the will.

I’m 32 and in about 7k debt which parents are aware of. Not frivolous with money - it’s a result of financing car on interest free which will be paid off before interest free period expires. It’s heavy going though and need car for work.

AIBU to wonder why they haven’t gifted me and my sibling a couple of grand each?

They know I’m struggling, although I get by. In interests of being objective they did contribute about a third of my house deposit some years back so I could get on the property ladder, I had saved the other 2/3 myself.They are not hugely wealthy but own 5 homes (buy to lets woth mirtgshes and their own with mortgage paid off) and one works part time (late fifties).

I know they’re not obliged to do this, just wondering what you’d do in their position. AIBU to wonder why they’ve not offered? It’s less that I expect it I suppose but more because I wonder why they wouldn’t want to help where they can.

OP posts:
Original poster
user18504 · 09/01/2019 19:33

*buy to let’s with mortgages

OP posts:
ItWentInMyEye · 09/01/2019 19:35

I think YABU to expect anything to be honest. Yes it would be nice, but maybe they need it for their own debts/mortgages? Or they might be saving it for you to inherit on their death?

NoArmaniNoPunani · 09/01/2019 19:35

Plenty of MNers will tell you it's their money and you're being grabby but I agree with you. I can't understand wealthy parents who don't help their kids out

Arrowfanatic · 09/01/2019 19:37

My mum will inherit around £150k when my nan passes away. Her brother will get the same. I'm one of 4 kids, my uncle has none.

I'm not expecting any money from either of them, its their money gifted to them......not me or my siblings

Would it be nice to get something, absolutely. I have debts I'd love to clear, should i expect it ......no.

You could always ask your parents for some of the money & see what they say.

Iloveacurry · 09/01/2019 19:37

Obviously you’ll replies that it’s their money, you’re being entitled, etc, etc ... but if it was me and I was in your parents position, I’d gift some to my children.

Original poster
user18504 · 09/01/2019 19:37

They don’t have any debts bar buy to let’s which have increased in value significantly since they bought them.

They want a retirement fund apparently.

I guess it’s fair enough, but given said grandparent left nothing to us, I feel I would at least have made a small gesture to my kids. Maybe i’ll Change my mind if I’m ever in that position haha

OP posts:
greendale17 · 09/01/2019 19:38

. I can't understand wealthy parents who don't help their kids out

^Me too

Original poster
user18504 · 09/01/2019 19:39

I did make a comment in a jokey way. They’ve said nothing about it since.

They’re doing a lot of travelling so it’s not much for that I suppose. It’s hard though when you know 2k would make a huge difference!

OP posts:
Original poster
user18504 · 09/01/2019 19:40

My parents wouldn’t call themselves wealthy. In fact they often think they have things quite hard.

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 09/01/2019 19:40

YABU. It is their money to do with what they think fit, no matter that think it would be best spent on your debt.

If the grandparent had specifically wanted you to inherit anything, they would have gifted it themselves.

It would be nice, but I think it’s greedy of you to expect it.

TooManyPuppies · 09/01/2019 19:43

It would be nice but shouldn't be expected. They inherited from their parents and one day you will from yours. Totally up to you what you do with it just as it is up to them.
I also can't see why you would be in the will either as per your first line. I wasn't in my grandparents will and my kids aren't in my parents will. It's up to them what they do with the money and just because they haven't gifted you any yet doesn't mean they won't. Maybe they are waiting on financial advice to ensure their future first. Not to mention they paid some of your deposit maybe they think they've helped you get on your feet already.

My mum gave me and my brother some when my grandmother died and to be honest I was surprised she did, it was unexpected.

starzig · 09/01/2019 19:43

Maybe they are keeping it for their old age. Private treatment/ care home etc...

AntiHop · 09/01/2019 19:43

When my in laws inherited money, they passed some on to their children. Of course it's your parents' money, but if I was in their position, I'd be helping you out.

Singlenotsingle · 09/01/2019 19:44

If it was me I'd have given them 5000k each. It's not a lot when you've just inherited 130k! The parents sound as though they're comfortably off.

Original poster
user18504 · 09/01/2019 19:45

I guess I just think 5k between your kids is a small gesture in the background of 130k.

If I won 50k I’d have given them some - I know it’s not an identical situation!

OP posts:
Hiphopopotamous · 09/01/2019 19:48

My parents wouldn’t call themselves wealthy. In fact they often think they have things quite hard.

They have 5 houses! Each of the BTL is earning an income plus increasing in value. Of course they are wealthy.

A few K would make a tiny dent in their windfall but make a big difference to you. I'd have no hesitation in helping my kids out.

CherryPavlova · 09/01/2019 19:50

I can’t imagine letting my children struggle if we could help. It’s not a right but most parents would share. It’s not going to be a very big retirement fund!

incendio · 09/01/2019 19:50

If it was me I would be gifting some to my children. I don't understand why they wouldn't want to help. My mum inherited 10000 and gave me and my two sisters a grand each, and I was so shocked and grateful.

Of course it's their money but a couple of grand sounds like it would massively help you and it wouldn't even make much of a difference to what they have.

Believability · 09/01/2019 19:50

I think you’re being unreasonable. It’s your parents money and they’ve given you money in the past. My parents are wealthy, I don’t know their income or savings as that’s their business but I’m fairly sure that their house plus BTL on several properties plus investments come to at least £3M.

They’ve never given any of their 4 children anything at all and neither should they. The money will no doubt come to us one day, I don’t know any details of their will but what I do know is that if we really and truly need money e.g for medical treatment / custody battles / legal cases etc, those kind of things they’d would be there like a shot

DeadBod · 09/01/2019 19:50

As others have said, you shouldn't expect anything but if I was in the same position then I'd be a bit disappointed that they didn't gift something.
My mil has a lot of savings and can be quite generous with her money. She says that she likes people to enjoy and use the money now rather than wait until she passes on. I hope that I will be able to do the same with my dc in the future.

sparkling123 · 09/01/2019 19:51

I would be a little miffed too but I don't think I would be upset with my parents, as they would just be carrying out their parent's will. I would be more upset that my grandparents didn't think to leave me anything specifically.
I would agree with PP, your parents are probably planning on leaving you your share when they pass away.

Original poster
user18504 · 09/01/2019 19:51

I guess my judgement of what wealth is is warped because I’m so used to them saying they can’t go to all the places they want etc and on a budget.

That said they spend 15k doing up the house last year so must have had some available money somewhere.

OP posts:
Original poster
user18504 · 09/01/2019 19:52

cherry if it’s not a big retirement fund then I guess they need it...?

OP posts:
Bubs101 · 09/01/2019 19:53

They find things hard but have 5 houses!! God would love to know what thier idea of wealthy is, I can hardly make my rent let alone a whole houe, not 5!!

Your parents just sound like typical Boomers, its not their fault thier in such an affulent position, but they're certainly not short of a few bob or two, and if you are struggling it seems a bit mean to not help out.

But hey just think of the money your set to inherit! Will be a hefty sum with those 5 houses and all....

sparkling123 · 09/01/2019 19:53

Just to add when all of my grandparents have passed away they have all specifically gifted money to their grandchildren, I guess to avoid awkward situations like yours.