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Original poster

130k - AIBU?

192 replies

user18504 · 09/01/2019 19:32

Parents just inherited 130k from a grandparent. Nothing gifted to me or my sibling in the will.

I’m 32 and in about 7k debt which parents are aware of. Not frivolous with money - it’s a result of financing car on interest free which will be paid off before interest free period expires. It’s heavy going though and need car for work.

AIBU to wonder why they haven’t gifted me and my sibling a couple of grand each?

They know I’m struggling, although I get by. In interests of being objective they did contribute about a third of my house deposit some years back so I could get on the property ladder, I had saved the other 2/3 myself.They are not hugely wealthy but own 5 homes (buy to lets woth mirtgshes and their own with mortgage paid off) and one works part time (late fifties).

I know they’re not obliged to do this, just wondering what you’d do in their position. AIBU to wonder why they’ve not offered? It’s less that I expect it I suppose but more because I wonder why they wouldn’t want to help where they can.

OP posts:
VeryQuaintIrene · 09/01/2019 19:53

Sadly, as I know all too well, 130K isn't much for a retirement fund if they end up in a care home. Maybe they are being provident for their old age and you will be grateful of this at some time in the future.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 09/01/2019 19:53

Yabu. They’ve already helped you out by contributing to your house deposit. Why do you expect them to constantly assist you by giving you money?

Original poster
user18504 · 09/01/2019 19:55

I don’t expect constant assistance whoknew I just think if I had that kind of money I’d have thought of them

OP posts:
Stopwoofing · 09/01/2019 19:55

But they already helped you with a deposit, and now you think you need help because you have a car loan, which almost everyone has? I think you’re entitled. Mine have helped us with a bit of money for unexpected transactions when we moved, but when they inherited they felt it was their money.

I could understand if they’d never helped you but they helped you get on the property ladder early in life - that’s more help than most get and you’ll get the rest eventually.

Stopwoofing · 09/01/2019 19:57

It’s easy to say that you’d have helped them though isn’t it? By the time I’ve raised mine, helped them through university and getting on the property ladder, maybe it’s fair play to leave off helping more for a bit.

Original poster
user18504 · 09/01/2019 19:58

Yeah I get that. +stopsooding* I was mostly interested to know what others would do. I would have helped out where I could in this context. My parents have had a decent life since younger than I am so they perhaps can’t identify with my situation

OP posts:
Original poster
user18504 · 09/01/2019 19:58

stopwoofing it is easy to say. Maybe you’re right and I would feel that way.

OP posts:
PookieDo · 09/01/2019 19:59

I watched my father and his sisters inherit a fair amount from my GM

Aunts shared it all with their DC (my cousins) my dad drank it and spent it on himself - no investments. It was much worse to watch that happen (they had big weddings, new cars and kitchens) whilst I struggled on benefits as a single mother. If your parents invest it then you will still inherit it one day no? Whereas I will not Wink

Morgan12 · 09/01/2019 20:02

They should give you it in my opinion. If my mum inherited £1000 she would still give me something.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 09/01/2019 20:03

I was mostly interested to know what others would do. I would have helped out where I could in this context

They already have helped you out though with a deposit for your house. Maybe they think it’s time to let you stand on your own two feet.

Cheerymom · 09/01/2019 20:04

They have already helped you out hugely regarding house deposit. They have not offered because it is their money and they are enjoying it. You are being unreasonable.

Stopwoofing · 09/01/2019 20:04

Your situation of having a car loan? I can’t get the angst of that - doesn’t nearly everyone have a car on finance? I also think that many people of our parents’ generation feel that inheritance goes to the immediate children.

If you’re struggling, and the car loan is a disproportionate amount of money, you might ask them for help but having expectations about an inheritance you didn’t get and aren’t directly in line for is weird. Usually I side with the kids in these debates but you have already had help and will get money later on. Why not prove you can shoulder the car cost on your own and they may help with the next big thing, rather than being stinky about it?

WhoKnewBeefStew · 09/01/2019 20:04

And to add to that, when they die chances are you’ll inherit eventually anyway.

Gazelda · 09/01/2019 20:05

They've helped you out with the deposit. So it's not as though they're not generous people.
And they know your debt is car loan, ie not overdraft or debts that many other households don't have.

But I agree that it would have been nice if they'd offered something.

Having said that, if I were you I'd be wondering whether they were just about to offer when you made your jokey comment. They may have taken your comment as a sign of entitlement and are stubbornly keeping the cash to themselves to 'teach you a lesson'?

maximumcarnage · 09/01/2019 20:06

I’m in the same situation. Accept the numbers are higher and the parent was estranged and I was originally supposed to get half of it. And now? Nothing. Also I’m not flush with cash as in I have to watch every penny. For instance if I found a fiver down the back of the sofa I’d feel like I’d won the lottery Grin

Am I bitter or disappointed? Nah. The way I look at is this. It was never my money to begin with, I never earned a dime of it. It’s not as though I had the cash and it was taken off me. I can’t miss what I never had. Don’t get me wrong, I’d have loved the money. I could have done a lot for myself and my future. Just hope the money is put to good use.

MummaBear90 · 09/01/2019 20:07

As a parent I would love to be in the position to help my children out financially, it will all go to your children one day so why would you want to see them in a difficult position! I would much rather see my children happy whilst I am around than keep it for myself and let the tax man take most of it when I’m gone!

Stopwoofing · 09/01/2019 20:07

I got a couple of keepsakes when my gp died and my p inherited, I am no saint by a log stretch but i never really expected to get money out of it.

Stopwoofing · 09/01/2019 20:09

But would you help a child you’d got on the property ladder who was finding a car loan to be an overwhelming test? I’m not sure I wouldn’t wait and see how it went.

bastardkitty · 09/01/2019 20:12

I would help my children in that situation. They sound pretty mean. They are probably thinking you will eventually inherit from them (possibly).

Closetbeanmuncher · 09/01/2019 20:12

"They think they have things quite hard"

Wow!!

Still though it's theirs and up to them what they do with it.

Original poster
user18504 · 09/01/2019 20:15

Yes they did help with house deposit but only by a third. If I hadn’t saved most I couldn’t have bought anything.

I’m not saying that wasn’t generous of them, it was. But saying I haven’t stood on my own two feet is a bit harsh. I paid for all uni and training courses myself, working alongside uni nearly every day. Yes many people have to do this, but let’s face it, my parent generation didn’t have to. I don’t think they actually get it when people struggle, particularly when they tell me they’re not well off and can’t do much. Pretty hard to hear from parents who own multiple homes and retired before they were 50. One working part time now out of boredom!

I say this in a non angry tone by the way. I just think it’s interesting how perspectives are so different based on different life experiences. I’m in a much ‘better’ job than either of my parents had, yet I’m far far worse off than they were at my age.

OP posts:
Original poster
user18504 · 09/01/2019 20:16

And to the poster who commented about seeing how the car loan played out. I manage my finances and meet the repayments.

It’s just hard. Having experienced this, assuming my kids didn’t fritter money away (I never have) then I certainly wouldn’t want to put them to a ‘debt test.’

OP posts:
2018SoFarSoGreat · 09/01/2019 20:19

This one is always a dilemma. If there were 5 DC inheriting, and between them they had 21 DGC, should the DGP's leave something to each of them? It is their choice to leave it to their DC only, then up to the DC what they do in return for their DC. I'd give you something - I think - but certainly do not feel you are owed it.

I adore my 2 DGC's but have not made a plan to leave directly to them, since one of my two DC has no DC, will have no DC, so anything they get means less for that one. It will all be split 50/50.

(In reality I have a savings account I am earmarking for the DGCs. Just doesn't have their names on it yet.)

diamondeyes10 · 09/01/2019 20:24

I have been in a very similar position and I really do understand your frustration, my fil is a MULTI millionnaire and has recently inherited £300k. Myself and my partner are living in a 1 bed apartment scraping money together for a deposit and although we shouldn't expect it (of course) naturally it would be nice to be helped!

Cheerymom · 09/01/2019 20:30

I think it is a huge generalisation to say your parents' generation didn't have to struggle. A lazy assumption. Unless of course they inherited money and have never worked. They do sound tight but sounds like you are doing fine financially,a car loan is hardly unusual. Stand on your own two feet etc they aren't going to give you anything and have no obligation to do so.

Much as you assume a generation have had it easy the assumption to inherit and be helped out AS AN ADULT could be seen as you expecting something for nothing. They're tight and mean but get on with your own responsibilities re earning money.