130k - AIBU?

[user18504]

Parents just inherited 130k from a grandparent. Nothing gifted to me or my sibling in the will.

I’m 32 and in about 7k debt which parents are aware of. Not frivolous with money - it’s a result of financing car on interest free which will be paid off before interest free period expires. It’s heavy going though and need car for work.

AIBU to wonder why they haven’t gifted me and my sibling a couple of grand each?

They know I’m struggling, although I get by. In interests of being objective they did contribute about a third of my house deposit some years back so I could get on the property ladder, I had saved the other 2/3 myself.They are not hugely wealthy but own 5 homes (buy to lets woth mirtgshes and their own with mortgage paid off) and one works part time (late fifties).

I know they’re not obliged to do this, just wondering what you’d do in their position. AIBU to wonder why they’ve not offered? It’s less that I expect it I suppose but more because I wonder why they wouldn’t want to help where they can.

I think you should have had some. It should of been in the will really.
My grandparents had 3 children and 2 grandchildren (me and brother)
The split inheritance into quarters with a quarter share between me and bro so 1/8th each. That was nice. They actually wanted most to go to the grandchildren as their children had life sorted and were doing well. 2 of which with two properties etc. Xxx

It's amazing how many people watch thier parents' pockets, expecting money or to be bailed out of debt. #Entitledgreedymindset

cheerymom that’s exactly what I have done. I’ve always worked since age 15, I’ve never been lazy. I don’t have kids and of course my opinion could change, but I can’t imagjne a situation where I have 130k in my bank, a number of houses and I don’t want to help my kids by 2 or 3k.

I'd go NC if my parents were that tight. Is your birthday soon? I'd wait at least to see if they might give you some then

We had 300 quid at Xmas so it’s not like they don’t give us anything!

I think it’s more the fact that they seem to think they have it hard. If they have less than 3 holidays a year then that’s been a bad year (granted they do sometimes go away to the UK so not necessarily overseas). It’s the idea that they have it hard that I find difficult!

I inherited £100k when my mum passed away last year. DH and I are not wealthy but our mortgage is paid off and I have been paying into a pension since the first day I started work at 18.

So we have put the inheritance into an account so that when our DC's (currently 21 and 24) want to buy their first home we can give them £50k each.

So yes I think your parents are being very mean.

My granny unexpectedly left her £400k estate all to charity. Not a penny to my poor Dad who tried so hard with her (she was a very difficult woman). That was a completely body blow for us all

sun that’s strange!!!

fairy sometimes I think people with more actually want to share money less.

Terri, you'd go NC on the people that loved and nurtured you because they wouldn't share their money with you as an adult? Really, I find that baffling, even if they loved you and brought you up to be a functioning adult? Even if you loved your parents? That is shocking!

Some people are really mean with money others share it out, I personally give away money beyond my means, thats my choice and moral conversation I have with myself. And like you OP I have paid for everything myself. I would NEVER expect money from anyone I had not worked for or as a willing gift. If you didn't know they had it it wouldn't be an issue. So magical thinking, you either pretend you don't know or accept they don't want to give it to you.

The idea of expecting parental money or going NC due to lack of it stinks of entitlement and immaturity.

I couldn't sit on £130k and five investment properties knowing that my hardworking DC were watching the pennies. I'd really want to give them something, even if it were a nominal £5k each.

Some people enjoy accumulating wealth though. Others think that those who don't have savings must be frivolous squanderers who can't be trusted with more than a tenner.

If you'd never received a penny then I'd think YANBU, however they gave you a third of the deposit needed to buy a property, and I think that's a pretty substantial bit of help.

super my parents know I’m not frivolous with money. They know I’d use it carefully. I just think part of it actually is they want me to struggle a bit. I think they would feel jealous if I didn’t. I know that sounds strange but when my sibling went on a big holiday with her partner (he earns a lot) my dad wasn’t too interested in hearing about it, it was a bit strange. They both feel they haven’t done much and want to do more, always comparing with their (even more significantly wealthy) friends. Actually I suppose if they compare to their friends I’m not surprised they feel poor

Yes I think you're being unreasonable. The money wasn't left to you so why should they share it? I'm assuming you'll be in their will, so you'll see your share eventually if they don't spend it all, as they rightly can.

I won't be expecting anything from my mother when she inherits from 2 relatives even though I could definitely use the money towards my mortgage payments. I'd have been ecstatic if my parents had put even a single penny towards helping me buy my property (they didn't), so you should be feeling very happy with what they've already done for you as they've helped you out a lot already in my opinion.

You don’t sound like you love them much - mine go on that many holidays, they’re old, howmany more years will they be able to do it? You can’t take health for granted once you get into your 50s.

Mine have that in the bank, saying your parents have more and want to share less is not a great way to think about your parents.

Mine didn’t give me 1/3 of a house deposit either. I don’t understand why you feel entitled to more right now from them as an independent adult with usual expenses

DH and I should be nc with all our parents by this yardstick of not getting money from the 2 lots of inheritance they’ve had.

It sounds as if you're not in any need of the money. It was your choice to buy such an expensive car (perfectly good and reliable cars are available much cheaper) and they have already helped you with the deposit. So no, there's no need for you to have any of the inheritance. I should just count your blessings that your parents are well off enough that you won't have to be helping them out financially in their old age.

stopwoofing point taken.

I do love them, they’re just quite odd with money. I don’t begrudge them holidays or retirement or expensive meals or new homes. It would just have been nice to have a couple of grand towards debt.

How much actual money did they give you for the deposit, out of interest?

Perhaps they thought it was enough money to have given you overall.

They gave me 14. It was significant and a third, including the legal fees/stamp duty etc.

They aren’t odd, they have different attitudes to you money to you. My parents feel very strongly that you leave money to your children, not your grandchildren and dh’s felt the same, as did their parents happily for all of those parties.

All of our parents also see helping their kids financially as a separate thing around key life milestones such as houses, weddings etc.

Yabu. If you're struggling you you could get a cheaper car? Why did you get such an expensive car if you can't afford it?

I got the car on finance and then when the term I ended I bought the rest on cc as thought it would be the cheapest option, which it was, interest free.

I dunno. It is their money, but if they've plenty of money I'm surprised they wouldn't want to be helping you out.

I know when my grandma died and my father came into some money, not loads but about £70K he paid off my remaining student loan straight away and gave me some money for a new (second hand) car.

I wasn't expecting it but was v grateful.
He said it made him happy to know I was ok and had a couple less things to worry about.

Obviously an option now is to sell the car and get a cheaper one and put towards the cc debt

suzi I think that’s what it is really. Even 1k would reduce my payments by 25 quid a month which would help massively overall.