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Original poster

130k - AIBU?

192 replies

user18504 · 09/01/2019 19:32

Parents just inherited 130k from a grandparent. Nothing gifted to me or my sibling in the will.

I’m 32 and in about 7k debt which parents are aware of. Not frivolous with money - it’s a result of financing car on interest free which will be paid off before interest free period expires. It’s heavy going though and need car for work.

AIBU to wonder why they haven’t gifted me and my sibling a couple of grand each?

They know I’m struggling, although I get by. In interests of being objective they did contribute about a third of my house deposit some years back so I could get on the property ladder, I had saved the other 2/3 myself.They are not hugely wealthy but own 5 homes (buy to lets woth mirtgshes and their own with mortgage paid off) and one works part time (late fifties).

I know they’re not obliged to do this, just wondering what you’d do in their position. AIBU to wonder why they’ve not offered? It’s less that I expect it I suppose but more because I wonder why they wouldn’t want to help where they can.

OP posts:
MissWilmottsGhost · 10/01/2019 08:13

I think yabu because they already gave you 14k

They HAVE helped you out

I agree.

How long ago did they receive the money? Maybe they want time to think about what they want to do with it.maybe they any to enjoy it themselves for a while before giving it to others. Maybe they think getting in debt just for a car shows you aren't sensible with money (not saying I think this but I know many of my DMs generation do).

EssentialHummus · 10/01/2019 08:16

I'd be sympathetic if it was a loan for something else, but that is a lot to spend on a car / PCP / leasing deal when you're not financially comfortable. There are cars available for much less that will be fine for even heavy driving.

Hellbentwellwent · 10/01/2019 08:23

Op, there’s a slot of what you say that sounds reasonable, but really depends on the context.
They gave you 14k for your house deposit, which is very generous. If that was a third of your house deposit then your deposit was 42k, how much was your house and where in the country are you?
How old are you? And what’s your salary? You said you needed a car for work so took out finance that has you stretched each month. What car did you buy and how much was it?
What I’m getting at is, if you’re 25, not long graduated on a great salary but bought an expensive house that’s much bigger than you need or could afford on your own and then bought an expensive new car that’s stretched you financially then most folk on here would have a different opinion on your situation. Those wouldn’t be good financial choices and maybe your parents might think your not mature enough to handle money well and make good decisions so have decided to wait and let you grow up a bit before they start dishing out more cash.... you’ve already had 14k!!!

WrongKindOfFace · 10/01/2019 08:31

I would want to treat my child if I was able to do so. Who wouldn’t want to make life a little more pleasant for their children?

AlexaShutUp · 10/01/2019 08:36

The OP has already said that she is 32.

pallasathena · 10/01/2019 08:49

i think it depends on whether the parents think their adult children are respectful or not. Whether they automatically expect a handout or would be pleasantly surprised if one was offered.
We have some grabby sorts in my family as well as some hugely decent, kind, would do anything for anyone sorts.
I know which ones I'd give money too...

ColdFingered · 10/01/2019 09:09

So they've already given you £14k, and maybe your sibling as well. They gave you £300 at Xmas.

They have the BTLs, but they have mortgages on these, so it's not all profit, and with Brexit around the corner, they may be concerned about interest rates.

They have just inherited £130k. You said "in a jokey way" that you deserve some of it, and "They’ve said nothing about it since."

When someone you love has died and you've "just" received the money, you may not be thinking about how you are going to spend it. I would feel disappointed if my daughter had said anything in these circumstances. (And I would also think that a £7k loan on a car was excessive.)

Boysandbuses · 10/01/2019 09:11

I would want to treat my child if I was able to do so. Who wouldn’t want to make life a little more pleasant for their children?

The parents already have and continue to make the upside easier

Boysandbuses · 10/01/2019 09:11

Upside????

That should have been op Confused

Karigan195 · 10/01/2019 09:12

Have you thought that maybe THEY might need it? As they get older and may need care and assistance it will be useful to have the money to get that care rather than just suffering alone in a cold house like many older people. In due course when they pass on you’ll probably get what they don’t need.

jacksonmaine · 10/01/2019 09:15

I don't think I would want to give inheritance money to clear off debt (unless mortgage). Perhaps when the debt is gone they may pass some over to you. I agree it's odd you didn't get left a few thousand in the will though.

I think when our parents are considerably better off than ourselves it causes tension. It seems odd not to help the next generation it bit more to even out the balance. Maybe they think it would be wiser to pass the money over when they die.

£130k isn't that much though really is it?

LadyKalila · 10/01/2019 09:25

I think it's rude of you to even ask the question. Then money was left to your parents not you. It annoys me when people expect something from a Will. It shows greed in my opinion.

PleaseLetMummySleep · 10/01/2019 09:28

I'm a firm believer that the best thing a family member can do is to look after their own financial situation (life assurance, pension fund, nest egg etc.) before gifting.

That way the children don't need to worry about having to look after the parents financially.

Once all that is done, yes I'd say gift some.

adaline · 10/01/2019 09:48

@WrongKindOfFace they've already given her 14k!

How much are parents supposed to help their children out? I thought raising children was about making them financially independent - not encouraging them to rely on handouts or inheritance funds?

If my parents' parents had just died I would be hoping they were okay and asking if they needed any support or help - I wouldn't be wondering where my share of the money was!

When my grandparents died they left my mum a fair sum of money - I absolutely didn't expect my mum to give me any of it! It's hers to do with as she pleases. She's worked hard all her life, let her enjoy her retirement I say!

puzzledlady · 10/01/2019 10:41

Yikes op - you’re not coming across well on this thread. You need to be an adult about this. It is not your money - money really does bring out the worse in people sometimes.

Original poster
user18504 · 10/01/2019 10:52

I was asking what people would do with the money and if they’d help.

I know it’s not my money. I just commented that when people say they’re not well off and they are clearly far far better off than you’ll ever be, it’s a bit shitty.

However I wanted some perspective and I’ve got some. Which was the point of the thread :)

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 10/01/2019 10:54

Good. Now forget about it and don’t drop any more hints

Boysandbuses · 10/01/2019 11:03

How do you know they are better off than you will ever be?

There's a good chance that when you pass the houses half will go to you.

You are single? Living with someone? You already have either a big house or a house in an expensive part of the country or a lot of equity in a house. Which is better off than a lot of people.

I own about 40% of my house. The rest is mortgaged. Your deposit would have bought over half my house. I can see that i am in a better position than alot of people.

You need to stop looking at what other have. You have alot in comparison to other people. Why not look at it that way?

Boysandbuses · 10/01/2019 11:08

When they pass not you pass....sorry

BubonicWoman · 10/01/2019 11:11

No offense OP but your parents are loaded and greedy
It seems the more people have the greedier they get. My parents didn't have much but they were generous

Stopwoofing · 10/01/2019 11:12

it's strange that it bothers you so much that it is your parents, haven't you had plenty of people that you suspect are better off from you making crass remarks? Your parents should be the ones getting the benefit of the doubt.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 10/01/2019 11:26

if my parents' parents had just died I would be hoping they were okay and asking if they needed any support or help - I wouldn't be wondering where my share of the money was!

This with bells on it

FlorencesHunger · 10/01/2019 11:35

It's money you never had op is the way I'd look at it. My mum is indépendant and doesn't struggle but is stingy, won't heat her house etc and at a cost of a decent life lived imo. I've lent her money in the past and wouldn't ask for it back and vice versa. If she got an inheritence I would be surprised to see a penny of it and wouldn't expect it.

I manage without its hypothetical existence.

Although if I was them I would certainly be giving some to my child. Being secure financially is all I need and anything else is surplus in my mind.

girlwithadragontattoo · 10/01/2019 12:13

You sound very entitled to be honest. If they hadn't of helped you before you wouldn't have the deposit for your house

pineapple22 · 10/01/2019 12:29

YANBU I hate this. What is the point of money if you can't help your children? What parent would sit on this amount of money knowing their children were struggling. I'd be annoyed if I was in your shoes OP and I'm sure any reasonable person would