130k - AIBU?

[user18504]

Parents just inherited 130k from a grandparent. Nothing gifted to me or my sibling in the will.

I’m 32 and in about 7k debt which parents are aware of. Not frivolous with money - it’s a result of financing car on interest free which will be paid off before interest free period expires. It’s heavy going though and need car for work.

AIBU to wonder why they haven’t gifted me and my sibling a couple of grand each?

They know I’m struggling, although I get by. In interests of being objective they did contribute about a third of my house deposit some years back so I could get on the property ladder, I had saved the other 2/3 myself.They are not hugely wealthy but own 5 homes (buy to lets woth mirtgshes and their own with mortgage paid off) and one works part time (late fifties).

I know they’re not obliged to do this, just wondering what you’d do in their position. AIBU to wonder why they’ve not offered? It’s less that I expect it I suppose but more because I wonder why they wouldn’t want to help where they can.

I agree with Alwayscheeful. Inheritance should if possible be preserved for future generations and frugality seems key to me. I think children of parents who have come into large inheritances feel put out out if they see their parents squandering money that their grandparents saved and worked hard to protect for the next generation.

I stand by the point that the money shouldn't just be spent as if a windfall a bit disrespectful really. If possible it shoukd be kept intact or invested for their children. I don't think inheritance is just spend, spend, spend who cares about the next generation infact I'm amazed people to read that most people on this thread think it is just a lump of money with no moral obligation to preserve or pass on.

Money brings out the worst in people? Yes the ones who hate sharing and want to keep it all for themselves.

Hang on. This inheritance means one of them has just lost both their parents - why on earth would you, as a grown up child, be more bothered about money than supporting your mum/dad?!

My mum was in bits when her mum died - yes she got a substantial inheritance out of it, but that was honestly the last thing on my mind! I wanted to make sure she was okay - supported her while she was dealing with the will and the estate, all while she was still going to work, coping with day to day life and dealing with the grief of no longer having her parents around.

Inheritances on here genuinely bring out the worst in people. They always mean someone has just lost a family member yet all people are worried about is when they'll get their share of the cash!

I also think raising children means ensuring they are financially independent. OP's parents have already given her 14k for her housing deposit and just gave her £300 for Christmas. Sounds to me like they support her plenty. She didn't need to take out car finance that she couldn't afford - why not just buy a cheap runaround like millions of other people do when they can't afford/justify the costs of a new car?

The whole thread leaves a very bad taste in my mouth - surely you want to support your parents' in their moment of grief, not wonder when they're going to hand over the cash?

I'm amazed people to read that most people on this thread think it is just a lump of money with no moral obligation to preserve or pass on.

Why should it be? You can attach whatever morals you want to it but people can do whatever they like with their inheritance. Some donate it to charity, some save it, some spend it - it's nobody else's business at the end of the day.

The whole thread leaves a very bad taste in my mouth - surely you want to support your parents' in their moment of grief, not wonder when they're going to hand over the cash?

^ This.

I’d help out my kids if they struggled and it sounds like your parents could do this without any hardship. OTOH you’d think they’d have been able to even without the additional 130K as the 5 properties etc must make up for a very comfortable life.

I’d help out my kids if they struggled

They've already given her 14k!

How much are parents expected to bankroll their children and for how long? They helped her out with a deposit and just gave her money for Christmas too. Surely adult children should stand on their own two feet and manage their own finances without needing constant handouts?

@jacksonmaine very eloquently put, I was posting from my mobile and could not quite put my thoughts into words.
In My opinion a spend,spend mentality is not deserving of large inheritance.

If I inherited £130,000 tomorrow, I would give each of my three children £10,000 and pay the rest towards my mortgage. But each to their own, it is their money. My parents consulted me before doing equity release as they needed money to mend their house. It will mean that within 20 years the value of their house will be completely gone, but it was their house and money, not mine.

PutDownThatLaptop the op has already had more than 14k off them. So more than you would part with

@LadyWithLapdog
The op says the 5 rental properties have mortgages, given the changes to tax calculations the OP's parents might well be making a loss on the properties and may have decided to reduce their mortgages.

At younger than 50 my df won a vast amount, I am an only dc, my dc are his only dgc.
We didn't get a penny between us.

He bought a house outright that his dw declared we would never visit!!
Been nc for over 20 years now.
His loss.
Remember you aren't their priority op, when they are old and needy don't make them yours.

adaline - Why the heck not give them money when I’m alive and wait till I’m dead?

However, gifts like this can come with strings attached. So you might get money for the car and then your parents feel resentful if you go on a fancy holiday. You might have planned the holiday anyway but the parents might feel it’s from their money.

Are people missing that they have already given her a huge amount?

Have they actually got the money yet, or have they just been told it's coming to them? If they haven't got it, they could be waiting until they have it before saying anything to you. Estates can take ages to sort out.

Remember you aren't their priority op, when they are old and needy don't make them yours.

What are you talking about? They've already given her 14,000 pounds!

They've already given OP loads of financial help. OP is behaving like a grabby, spoilt brat!

My parents have all of us a bit after my grandparents died. I'm very grateful for it. It paid for my masters. But I wasn't expecting them to give us anything. My parents are not well off but they didn't need all that they got. I would do the same for my kids. But I don't think inheritance should be expected. But I can understand being a bit disappointed.