130k - AIBU?

[user18504]

Parents just inherited 130k from a grandparent. Nothing gifted to me or my sibling in the will.

I’m 32 and in about 7k debt which parents are aware of. Not frivolous with money - it’s a result of financing car on interest free which will be paid off before interest free period expires. It’s heavy going though and need car for work.

AIBU to wonder why they haven’t gifted me and my sibling a couple of grand each?

They know I’m struggling, although I get by. In interests of being objective they did contribute about a third of my house deposit some years back so I could get on the property ladder, I had saved the other 2/3 myself.They are not hugely wealthy but own 5 homes (buy to lets woth mirtgshes and their own with mortgage paid off) and one works part time (late fifties).

I know they’re not obliged to do this, just wondering what you’d do in their position. AIBU to wonder why they’ve not offered? It’s less that I expect it I suppose but more because I wonder why they wouldn’t want to help where they can.

It is significant. I don't think you're very unreasonable to think it'd be nice for them to give you a couple of thousand, but they have helped you to get onto the property ladder with a substantial amount of money which is a pretty major thing, and worth more in a number of ways than just the actual value of the money itself.

I know this is a sweeping generalisation which I'm sure people will pull me up on.... but well off people can be really stingy, usually why they're so well off

It comes across as the car loan is giving you a lot of anxiety, so perhaps sell it and buy something cheaper? Then you might be a bit more relaxed about money overall.

I've had times in my life when I've been pretty well off and times (like now!) when I've not, and I know that when things are tight these kinds of things become bigger issues than they would otherwise.

Yes I think you’d be better off thinking about ways to make your car loan more affordable than working over this issue, they’ve not offered so how you feel about it isn’t going to do any good.

Jeez are you me?!!! Hilarious that I could have written this, only I’m 31.
Literally that’s the only difference.

I agree it sucks, but I’ve made a pact I will help my kids as best as I can because I’d have really appreciated a bit of support.

I think yabu because they already gave you 14k.

They HAVE helped you out.

Have they got pensions?

I can't understand people that have more than enough money but don't want to help thier children. My first thought if I came into a large sum would be who to give what to . Although 14k is very generous so maybe that is thier reasoning

It would just have been nice to have a couple of grand towards debt.

It was also nice to have third of your deposit handed to you.

Yes. YABU.
Are you really 'struggling' or do you still have a reasonable lifestyle? Spending £7k on a single car is hardly struggling! You are choosing to pay it off quickly too right? That's a lifestyle choice! Do your parents actually think you are struggling?
Having 5 btl houses don't necessarily mean cash is sloshing around, a lot of money tied up in assets. There will be costs associated with that income over and above the mortgage.
£130k won't go far if care or a care home is required for one of your parents.
They've given you a load of money already too.

With life expectancy for people your parent's age at late 80s early 90s, they have to keep themselves for over three decades, with no state pension for just under 10 years. In the current property climate, the BTLs may decrease in value. They may need to employ cleaners, gardeners, carers as they get older. They may need to go into a home - have you seen how expensive those are? My colleague was paying over 5k pcm for her mum. Also, your outgoings may increase or you really may need help - unemployment, disabled children etc. Perhaps they are being prudent thinking of you.

Curious as to why you didn't buy something more affordable? Why didn't you buy a cheap car, save and sell and buy a better car etc?

Hundreds of cheap ex deceased OAP low mileage cars about for around £500-£1K

I would expect parents to make sure their retirement is funded first, they do need enough to provide an income for the next 40 years. Helping you buy a house is helping with the important things. I also don’t expect inheritances to grandchildren - it all goes equally to the children in just about every case I know!

This is cringeworthy. You're an adult, stop expecting/hoping/wishing for your parents, or anyone else, to sub you. It doesn't matter how much they've got or where it came from, how nice you think it would be, how you would do it in their position.

Yeah I am also surprised that you seem to take issue with the fact that you didn't receive inheritance, yourself.

I think your parents sound generous! 14k house deposit and £300 for Christmas!

I don’t take issue with the fact I didn’t receive inheritance, it’s just been the norm among my friends that a token bit of cash was gifted. I didn’t expect it.

It’s the norm around your friends to inherit from grandparents directly? And you think your parents are playing with a wealthier set than they can afford to? It’s not a norm I’m familiar with.

Yes it is.

I’m not saying it’s normal generally!

Well you mentioned it several times.

I don't know anyone who has had inheritance from grandparents.

Your parents clearly feel they have already gifted you some money and now you are living with the decisions you made after they helped you out.

I think expecting more help now is unreasonable

Jesus wept then £300 at Christmas.

They clearly do help you out. Yabu to more just because you think they should.

Taking all points on board, thanks for taking the time to post

It looks like I needed some perspective!!

Yes they did help with house deposit but only by a third. If I hadn’t saved most I couldn’t have bought anything

This comment alone makes you sound like a foot stomping teenage brat.

Thank you tulips !