Husband abusing much younger sex addict girlfriend. What to do?

[JRulez7lek]

Yes I’m in a polyamorous relationship. No, that does not mean we are cheating on each other. Polyamory should not be mistaken for cheating or to be used as an excuse to have a harem. This video should help you understand what our relationship is about.

We were Polyamorous even before we got married and it always worked for us. We were happier that way for many years. There are many reasons why we chose polyamory over monogamy. Furthermore, my husband has always been the kindest, sweetest person I’ve ever known towards me AND my children. He’s never shown any signs of abusive behavior during the entire time we knew each other…

However, it has come to my attention that the dynamics he has between him and his new 24 year old girlfriend is not what I’d consider healthy. He doesn’t physically abuse her, but rather does things to degrade her and humiliate her. This includes but is not limited to, pressuring her to perform sexual acts on him in public places and take part in group sex situations while he watches. I happen to know that this woman is bi-polar and prone to doing extreme self destructive things. That said, I believe it is wrong to take advantage of someone else’s sickness/imbalance to satisfy one’s own sexual gratification. He’s basically playing out his porn fantasies with a broken extreme woman who seeks to be abused.

The only reason I know this is because I looked through his recent home made videos and saw what they’re getting up to. I personally know his girlfriend and thus am well aware of her psychological condition as well as her history with extreme self destructive behaviour.

In case some of you think I should report him to the police, keep in mind that everything they’re doing is technically consensual so he’s not breaking any laws (unless you consider public indecency, but that’d get her in trouble too). This is not an issue of broken laws. What upsets me is that he’s demonstrating a dark side of himself I really don’t like. At the same time, in the 11 year’s we’ve been together he’s never wronged me. I dare not end our relationship over this, but at the same time, I can’t really accept what he’d doing either.

What should I do?

PS; In I'm NOT jealous of the new girl. My friends think I am but that's not true at all!

Do you have a daughter? One way or another she will learn the truth about how he treats women. How would you or he feel if she were treated that way as a young and vulnerable woman?

Do you have a son? One day he may turn out just like this. How would you feel then?

I wouldn’t like to be in a polyamourous situation myself. But if done correctly I’m sure everyone can be respected and valued. This is not happening. Your husband is telling you who he truly is. Please believe him and extricate your children from him.

The fact that you're poly is irrelevant. The relevant thing is that your husband is getting off on humiliating and degrading a vulnerable woman. He's abusive.

Why do you stay with someone who's shagging someone else and messing with your head under the guise of a silly name which really means I'll shag who I want to and never mind the consequences. You need to get away from him now!

how could you ever find him attractive or let him anywhere near you now you know who he is?

What a disgusting man.

Well, if he gets arrested for having sex in public, you and your kids will be so humiliated.

Is looking at his home videos a normal thing for you to do? That he knows about?
If so, say to him what you said to us about the GF's precarious mental health.

If it's not a normal thing for you to do, did you look at them because you were concerned about the girl? Or why?

He’s abusing and taking advantage of a vulnerable person. Your options:

1. You accept this
2. You support her to dump him
3. You dump him

I’d suggest 2 and 3 but it’s not my call and I imagine it might be difficult, as it would be difficult to end any relationship. Are you a victim too?

But he sounds like a bad man, and whoever you thought he was before he’s clearly not a kind and considerate person if he’s behaving this way.

He's doing stuff in public? So kids might see? Urgh, how......... concerning

He's just a nasty creep really isn't he? It doesn't really make any difference what his sexual preferences are. He's still a creep

How do you know the details of their sex life? How do you know she isn't consenting and he's forcing her? What you have seen could only be part of the picture and in fact a mutually consenting part of their sex life. Ask her?

There's a whole bunch of irrelevant stuff in your post, OP. The polyamory factor is the rosiest of red herrings.

The key is that your husband is behaving atrociously in his sustained abuse and exploitation of a young woman.

I don't understand how that can be okay with you, in terms of you perceiving it as a separate issue, not really connected to your relationship with him. 🤷🏼‍♀️
This is about the person you are** married to. Are you honestly ok with that?

I'm polyamorous too, and I'd leave someone behaving like this (and have done). I'd be too worried they'd hurt me, and I can't justify having a close relationship with an abuser. Sorry OP. Can you talk to the woman?

He sounds like a nasty piece of shit taking advantage of someone.

Whether he’s abusing you or another woman, fact is he is a sexual abuser.

Do you want to remain married to a sexual abuser? Do you want your children growing up with a sexual abuser as their role model?

So you’re happy to be married to an abuser?

For those of you who think I'm a troll, I am not. I wanted to ask for some advice. I didn't expect to be given so much abuse, nor to be called a liar.
It was hard enough for me to admit to this in the first place.

Could you try talking to his GF and see what her side of the story is?

Does she have family that you know of?

I was wondering...are you allowed to have other lovers too?

I have to say...ad soon as it's not your bog standard thread...pp start troll hunting. Very annoying.

Just read your title again 'Husband abusing much younger sex addict girlfriend'. Completely ignoring all the poly bits, that irrelevant. He's an abuser. Why would you stay with him.

Is he a role model you want for your children. I don't know how old your children are but what about when they're teens, what if them or their friends come across him having sex in public? Or find one of his videos?

Your husband or whatever he is clearly has a dark side which you were not aware of and which he has hidden well. He is not the sweet, gentle soul he would have you believe. The choice is yours whether you choose to be with this abusive man. And you do have a choice.