Message from DH's colleague

[Drinkthruastraw]

Wrapping Xmas presents in our bedroom last night, DH's phone charging and WhatsApp message pinged and came up on screen, so I glanced, then had a proper look as it was 4 love heart emojis! It was from a colleague who he's worked with for 10 years, never had any vibes about anything untoward although I know they're friends. So I read the chain - her asking him what he thought of a new joiner, his reply, and then wishing him a merry Xmas and saying "I love you"!!! He then said it back with a kiss then she sent the 4 hearts!

Just not sure what to make of it. She was on the train as they'd been out for drinks (with others) so I'm veering between she was a bit tipsy and getting all sentimental or they're having a wild affair!

I'm being really off with him and he has no idea why - can't tell him I've read the messages and I do think there's nothing going on and they've just been friends for years but it's a bit inappropriate!

Thoughts?

Doesn't look good. Either an affair or very inappropriate messages.

Can you get his phone again and read further back for anything more concrete?

are they very good friends? i sometimes tell my good friends i love them when i'm drunk?

Mmmm, you will always want to hope for the best but be brave & do some more snooping, better to know either way otherwise these feelings of unease will undermine your relationship if you find there is nothing going on..if there is confront him & decide where you want to go with your relationship.

ive thought about this or a good few minutes. my husband has worked at the same place also about 10 years lots of females and im usually quite jealous or at least used to be when younger. if it were me given that they had just gone out probably a bit tipsy and they probably are good friends and you say no suspicions before that theres nothing to worry about. when im merry i always get all lovey and also do tell my friends i love them. however in the same situation i would just tell my husband what id seen. can you not to get some reassurance? excuse my rambling im very tired!

I've read all the other messages and there's nothing else like that at all...they might put a kiss or a hug emoji but nothing more. Had a look this morning and no further contact.

I told him I had a weird gut feeling about us and he was totally shocked, asking what on earth was wrong, he's not acting guilty at all.

I think it's the I in I love you that's thrown me, if she'd have put a breezy "love you/ya" it wouldn't feel so intimate, he replied "love you too x".

I don’t know OP, I think I’m one of the first to be uneasy about these kinds of situation but from what you’ve said, it feels to me more friendly, known a LONG time, friend chat and nothing more. I think if there was anything untoward, his notifications would be turned off so you couldn’t see anything pop up on his screen.

I think regardless of how you meet, if you have known someone for 10 years and have a good friendship and spend a lot of time together (as colleagues usually do) you probably do love that person on some level, just like you would any other friend you have a connection with.

I wouldn’t be too concerned in this instance but understand where you’re coming from.

The fact that they both said I love you is crossing a line. Ask him.

Ask him. Tell him how it happened - you weren't snooping the msg just popped up next to you.

If he deleted that exchange I'd be worried but otherwise I'd put it down to tipsy Christmas spirit.
The OW i know deletes individual texts and leaves the general chit chat up so it looks like they chat but in a mild manner. The sexts get deleted. Not saying that's what's going on here as it sounds like he's relaxed about it all.

I'm trying to imagine saying "I love you" to a man at work and him responding the same way. Surely nobody does this unless they mean it?

Hmm I have to say I wouldn’t be at all ok with dh doing that.

I'd guess it's friendship. But just ask him about her.

I couldn’t imagine saying I love you, to someone I work with. That’s not something most people do. Personally I think there is something going on

I don't know, just musing on this - I have a close male friend at work and it wouldn't be outside the realms of possibility for me to send a message saying love you, in fact probably have done it drunkenly at some point! But it would also probably be a bit more in context, like 'love you, thanks for being a good friend' sort of thing. More blasé as you said. Have been friends for May years too. I am veering to the side of it just being drunken texting on her part to a good friend and him humouring her.

I've never seen anything like it before but now I'm wondering if he's deleting anything dodgy from the chats! Mind going into overdrive! I've read this board too much I think!

I can't tell him as the fact is I did snoop and It's an invasion of privacy and also then he might change his passcode and I won't be able to snoop further!

I really think although it's weird and inappropriate they have known each other for 10 years and if something was going on then it would have been going on for all that time which I can't believe! Yes they probably do love each other but to say it like that was just shocking. I know he's been supportive to her over the years but tells me all about it and the other half of the time moans about her working ways.

If I confront him I think that will be the end as the trust will have gone from his side as well and there won't be a way back. Aargh just don't know what to do apart from keep snooping!

Me and a very close male colleague used to say ‘love you’. I do love him - he’s a best friend. Nothing romantic just old mates. Perhaps it is the same - that’s my guess but I’d be asking my DH about it!

The "I love you" and reply from him is odd. Tbh there is no good comeback is there? Either way you lose. You ask him and he says no/nothing. He is also hurt about the snooping. You don't ask then you will always wonder and the trust has gone anyway.

I wouldn't be best chuffed about this, no

What is the workplace like where he is? We only have 1 bloke as part of the (very close) admin team and tbh I think we often forget he is male 🙈 we talk about all sorts in front of him, and I did once say ‘love you’ and afterwards did think I should be more careful as people could take it the wrong way.

The message pinged up... you saw 4 hearts which is suspect at best.... moral high ground lost by that stage and to snoop in response is human. If it had have been a 'see you tomorrow' or even 'you missed a great night' even with one x or a smile, you would.probably not have looked further. You then saw them say 'I love you' to each other'. This is not what married people say to people who they are not married to or are related to them. It is perfectly reasonable for you to ask him about this and you do not need to feel guilty about snooping.

I'd keep it on a back burner, OP. It's not suspicious enough to to warrant further snooping or relationship ender but if anything clocks your radar in the future, you'll have a starting point

Both sides here

I worked shifts for a long time - those colleagues became family and there is one man I say I love you too and visa versa but it’s in a jokey way. He’s old enough to be my dad.

On the other hand my DH cheated with my best friend and I didn’t see it.

If it is going to play on your mind you have to talk it through with him

I have never and would never tell a colleague I love them. Or anything or the sort.

He may well be deleting incriminating texts. Don't be naive. This isn't normal behaviour, drunk or sober. I'd hazard a guess that something is going on ... people are good at hiding things and lying. Be watchful and careful. Don't make any acquisitions for now.

You can be colleagues and close friends. I’m really good friends with a lot of my male and female colleagues and we sometimes say “I love you” as we’re saying goodbye. We’ve worked together for 7/8/11 years and we spent more time together than our actual friends. It doesn’t sound dodgy to me.