Message from DH's colleague

[Drinkthruastraw]

Wrapping Xmas presents in our bedroom last night, DH's phone charging and WhatsApp message pinged and came up on screen, so I glanced, then had a proper look as it was 4 love heart emojis! It was from a colleague who he's worked with for 10 years, never had any vibes about anything untoward although I know they're friends. So I read the chain - her asking him what he thought of a new joiner, his reply, and then wishing him a merry Xmas and saying "I love you"!!! He then said it back with a kiss then she sent the 4 hearts!

Just not sure what to make of it. She was on the train as they'd been out for drinks (with others) so I'm veering between she was a bit tipsy and getting all sentimental or they're having a wild affair!

I'm being really off with him and he has no idea why - can't tell him I've read the messages and I do think there's nothing going on and they've just been friends for years but it's a bit inappropriate!

Thoughts?

Definitely something to keep an eye on. I would be furious tbh, and I think the vast majority of women would be.

I have to say a single woman being close 'friends' with a married man (at work,) doesn't sit well with me, when she doesn't know the wife. I have known of a few occasions like this, where a single woman insists she is best mates with a (married) man at work, and they share a special bond, and they have private jokes and so on..... And they are NEVER friends with his wife. In fact, they don't want to know her.

I wonder why?

From the sounds of it, I reckon it is innocent.
But I would still be miffed about the I love you bollocks. Wtf is all that about?

I get a kind of sick feeling reading this.

Do you think they could be having an affair but you haven't picked up on it as 'odd' because it's been going on for so long that everything feels 'normal' to you?

I would see if the "i love you" messages get deleted from his phone.

Well I'd be keeping my eyes peeled. Still, I don't think it necessarily means it's sexual in nature. They're just good friends. I tell my male friend I love him. He is gay though and we've known each other for 30 years.

Yeah, it's the "I" in "I love you"... Both in the message and the reply. Fuck OP, what a head fuck, that's totally not okay. In fact it feels even more off that you didn't ever question his relationship with the colleague before, if they're close enough for casual "love yous".

I have to say my DH would do this with close work colleagues. He works in a female dominated industry and has never really had close male colleagues. There was one colleague he was very close to and I do often think it may have tipped over into ‘emotional affair’ territory. They no longer work together and she’s moved away. In your situation I would just keep a close eye on things but not jump to any conclusions yet.

probably innocent. I'd probably text a longterm work friend that I loved them if I were tipsy, and if I found the same sort of texts on my partner's phone I'd think the same and be glad he had people he was close to.

But you aren't going to know til you talk to him. I don't think stewing over it is any healthier.

I am one of those people that tell people I love them when I'm drunk, I'm a very happy drunk 😂. I work with all men, some of whom I'm really good friends with I have sent texts like this on my train home after drinks. I have had similar messages to that of your DH, and I've had "piss off you drunken muppet" and similar.

And I can confirm I have absolutely no intention of any kind of affair with any of them, and nor they with me.

As already said,it's the I in I love you that raises my hackles... I would keep calm and keep snooping. If you go nuts at him now he will lock everything down. Does he work late? Nights away? consider a PI if so.

Have to say that I would not say this to anyone that I work with. I would be unimpressed if my husband did this and I am not a jealous type at all. But for me that crosses a line.

...And then the heart emojis... I mean this isn't just a casual "love you" is it, it's an exchange of several messages. Feels lie overkill. Ugh, I'm so confused for you OP.

I think it's totally innocent!

I would be thinking the worst. Luckily for me, the message on my DH's phone to his colleague said "I'm in love with you" so that was a bit more clear cut. CUNT. So many cunty men.

text back drinkthruastraw just saw our messages then wait to see.

Even if she was drunk when sending it's the fact he said it back would bother me. I'd be keeping quiet for the moment but keeping a close eye on his phone

My dh has colleagues who he loves and them likewise. They tell each other all the time, and they hug and kiss on cheeks when they meet.
They are good friends and I know I can trust him and their partners know they can trust them.

I’d just ask him.
I’d also say I read his messages...at the end of the day if my DH received love heart emojis from another women, I’d see it as my right to find out what was going on.
It may be nothing. He might lie. He’ll know you know though and if he is carrying on, it certainly won’t be as straightforward any more.
You’re married to this man, just talk to him. He might just put your mind at rest and you can put this behind you and get back to the wrapping :)

FWIW I had a close male colleague for over ten years and we told each other we loved each other when we were drunk or sad. Both married to other ppl, nothing going on at all.

I think that if your DH had been in the middle of a conversation with OW, the phone wouldn't have been plugged in and charging in the bedroom while it was still ongoing.

I'd just ask him and be honest u weren't exactly snooping

I have a male colleague who is a very good friend, but nothing more. I was once on a call with him at work and ended the call with an absent minded “love you, bye” - since then it has been a standing joke between us and we often message it to each other, but to an outsider it could look odd!
If nothing else has given you cause for concern, I would give him the benefit of the doubt - when my ex was getting too close to a female colleague, I had lots of signs there was an issue.

There's no man I work with or have ever worked with that I'd say this to.

I'd say nothing and get through Christmas.

Or if there is anything going on you can see the nature of any messages over Christmas if you keep an eye out.

Of course it isn’t innocent - sorry, OP

Must admit, the conversation was innocent until he replied with the ‘I love you’. Are they having an affair in plain sight?

I think I would wait and watch. Put it to the back of your mind, and enjoy Christmas. However, at the same time, keep a careful eye out for anything suspicious. Does dh possessive about his phone? Later working days? Unusual trips out?

My dh got a sleazy text once, which turned out to be a bit of drunken banter. However, dh eouldn’t Show it to me (I half saw it over his shoulder). Not showing me was more suspicious then the text itself!

I think mn does make you more suspicious. However, it can Also make you more aware of things.