Message from DH's colleague

[Drinkthruastraw]

Wrapping Xmas presents in our bedroom last night, DH's phone charging and WhatsApp message pinged and came up on screen, so I glanced, then had a proper look as it was 4 love heart emojis! It was from a colleague who he's worked with for 10 years, never had any vibes about anything untoward although I know they're friends. So I read the chain - her asking him what he thought of a new joiner, his reply, and then wishing him a merry Xmas and saying "I love you"!!! He then said it back with a kiss then she sent the 4 hearts!

Just not sure what to make of it. She was on the train as they'd been out for drinks (with others) so I'm veering between she was a bit tipsy and getting all sentimental or they're having a wild affair!

I'm being really off with him and he has no idea why - can't tell him I've read the messages and I do think there's nothing going on and they've just been friends for years but it's a bit inappropriate!

Thoughts?

Its not innocent. Its likely they are having an affair. I really dont know how id handle this situation. Maybe see if the i love you message gets deleted and take it from there.

Seriously OP, that’s not remotely appropriate messaging and he’s taking the piss on a grand scale by acting surprised. Love heart emojis and all would be rammed up his very festive arse.

I love a former colleague, now friend, totally innocent but I do. I tell him that I Love him when squiffy. Maybe it’s that?

Would he be happy if you were exchanging I love you with a male colleague? I would confront him, I can never quite understand the fear of being accused of snooping versus confronting the dodgy text messages.

text back drinkthruastraw just saw our messages then wait to see.

Would be interesting if the colleague then rang his mobile in a panic and drinkthruastraw could pass the phone to DH "Its for you..." then watch him try to squirm his way out of that one!

I'm veering towards saying that they're just good friends having worked together for so long. BUT I've been in my job 10 years and can't imagine writing that to any of my colleagues, so who knows.

I would bring it up and say you saw the messages pop up as you were sitting near his phone and it's worried you. Hopefully there's nothing in it.

Don't think the worst I was pissed once and me and dh were waiting for a lift from brother in law, when he said he was outside I messaged love you! Fwiw I don't love him or like him much for that matter! It might have been the drink and the fact hed approved the joiner she asked about maybe.

I find some of people’s working relationships here very odd and lacking appropriate boundaries. Some people need to be working harder!

It’s not just the I love you though, he replied the same THEN she responded with 4 love hearts, come on people, this is emotional love not a typo

Does he send love you texts to you OP?

I agree Bumble

You know your husband. Does he text other people that he loves them; drunk or otherwise? That will be your answer.

text back drinkthruastraw just saw our messages then wait to see.

agreed

I am one of those people that tell people I love them when I'm drunk, I'm a very happy drunk 😂. I work with all men, some of whom I'm really good friends with I have sent texts like this on my train home after drinks. I have had similar messages to that of your DH, and I've had "piss off you drunken muppet" and similar

Sounds like very unprofessional attention seeking behaviour.

Op I would say nothing but keep an eye for now.

But Ops dh said i love you too and he wasnt out drinking.

Sounds suspect. I'd keep quiet for now and keep checking his phone until you have evidence

You know whether or not he's the type of person to say/reply "I love you" when drunk i.e. a happy drunk, as a PP said. I know a few people who are like this. I also know plenty who aren't.

So, if it feels ok to you, it probably is.

But if it doesn't feel ok to you, it probably isn't.

I think it’s innocent but I also think it’s deeply, deeply inappropriate and I would tell him so.

No man I know tells work friends that he loves them. Its not appropriate. The casual way it was said suggests this is how they normally talk to each other. I wouldn't be ok with that.

Did you also check texts and emails?

Even if it’s completely innocent, neither of them is respecting your feelings. I know it’s his phone but there’s always a chance a spouse will see a message. Neither of them has considered that the messages could be misconstrued or what you might think if you saw them.

Truthfully I think it's drunken texting. She'll probably wake up cringing at her sent messages. I don't think he's up to anything. Drunken emotional ramblings I reckon. I can understand your feelings towards it though. I'd certainly get me paranoid too. I'd just keep a distant eye out for any other suspicious signs but don't let it eat you up. If it really playing on your mind I think you should speak to your husband and tell him what you saw. It sounds like you have a healthy marriage.

Eww... that's vomit 🤢 inducing. Either he's having an affair or he's a totally wet lettuce. I could not be with someone so childish to say "I love you" to a colleague.

You don't love your colleagues you get paid to work not act like a prat sending heart emoji's to random colleagues. It's unprofessional to form such a strong attachment with a colleague even if it's "innocent".

God there are some miserable old boots on here .."work harder" .."unprofessional"

We often spend more time with work colleagues than partners and often have more dramatic and bonding experiences (other than childbirth and marriage) with them as well . Working long hours on accounts or in stressful situations can lead to emotional and physical affairs BUT not always .In jokes and common war stories can lead to bonding that excludes partners...I bet there's nothing to this OP other than boozy mateship .

A similar thing happens to me, i saw love heart emotions on emails to Dh from a work client. When I read the emails going back, she was crossing a line, telling him she loved him, loved having him in her life etc. Dh basically ignored those comments and stuck to work issues or he mentioned me or the dc and what we were up to. iIf he’s texted back I love You, I’d have thought something inappropriate was going on.

Agree wholeheartedly with ginandbearit.