Tyedye...ive left him

[tyeanddye]

He assaulted me and ive left him at last.crying alot but ok.

Try telling him and his family that!my god,youd think he invented the wheel AND sliced bread!

We are all behind you, TyeandDye. Stay strong for yourself and for your children. xx

Hi - I don't know you but just wanted to post and tell you how brave I think you are, and having read your thread, how desperately I want you to stay safe and get through this intact. I was with a manipulative man for a time (thank God I dodn't have kids with him) - he would do this, be violent in terms of throwing things, he pushed me out a moving car, then he would be all upset, so sorry etc etc - IT'S ALL AN ACT! but you know that...

Stay strong, and do NOT feel bad about keeping your babies away from this nutty bloke. They deserve to grow up with a loving mother, keep them and yourself safe.

So glad you have your mum to support you. No-one knew when it was happening to me, it's really hard to get your sense of 'self' back IYSWIM but it does come, and it gets stronger every time you don't fall for one of his tricks.

Its a very hard and odd time,im getting to know my teenagers better(ones pestering to go on here as i speak)
They hid away in their rooms for years and were withdrawn and depressed.
I should have dealt with it a long time ago,am so grateful i jumped ship before they left home!

i cant imagine the shit uve had to deal with.........just know u dont have to put up with it anymore, and he is an evil human being to have abused you for all these years. dont be sorry for not doing it years ago because the main thing is i u HAVE done it now and many women never do.......be proud of urself and dont let him take anything from u ever again x

Domestic violence teafortwo,is a many layered trait in men,it doesnt matter wether you actually take a punch as such>I have a friend who preferred the odd smack to the alternative,weeks of mental cruelty,it resolved quicker,til the next time...
If a victim of extreme violence reads this,i am not putting myself over very clearly,but the effect on mental health to women of mental abuse is as bad as that for victims of physical(apparently)

I know , the incidents of 'actual' violence in my 'relationship' were few and far between but the manipulation and verbal abuse was daily. I was suicidal at one point, I SH a lot but I came through it. God only knows why but I still have twinges of 'if only I'd done such and such a thing differently' but only twinges and then common sense cuts in again.

I'm rooting for you, lets add another DV survivor to the numbers

tyedye> what you said "but the effect on mental health to women of mental abuse is as bad as that for victims of physical(apparently)" is very very true.
most of the women i spoke to at the refuge i was at last year who were physically abused said that as horrible as that was, constant mental torture and abuse is in so many ways worse, as sometimes its so much more subtle, making it harder to cope and deal with.

just keep strong and keep building your support network. did you go to medatiation? (sp??)

has he filed for any contact orders? or have you filed for residence? i empathise SO much. there is nothing worse than dealing with offical stuff with solicitors and etc when you're so emotionally drained.

you can do it

i have a quote to post for you..let me go find it (i actually have a few that helped me..)

American Trish
are you from the US.

Tyeanddye

Don't ever put up with crap like that from a man. Your are worth so much more and there is a man out there who will appreciate you.

quotes:

?I realised that sometimes we?re tempted to stay in the hell we know.
But you have to do what you can to stop an intolerable situation ?
Throw yourself off that burning ship.? ? Trisha Goddard

(that is the best one! by trisha too! who also escaped a horrible relationship!)

"Never look back unless you are planning to go that way." - Henry David Thoreau

"Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated,
you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps." - David Lloyd George

"I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship."
~Louisa May Alcott

"What you can you do right now to begin to turn your life around?
The very first thing is to start making a list of things to be grateful for."
-- Dr Joe Vitale

"what seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings
in disguise" - oscar wilde

"Other people?s opinion of you does not have to become your reality." - Les Brown

?We must let go of the life we have planned,
so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.?- Joseph Campbell

leati> i am indeed (i've lived in england for 4+ years now though)

hey check out my thread, Am I being unreasonable. I want to know if you have heard some of the stuff in there.

Tye Dye,

Sorry, I was short a minute ago. But I hope you know that any man who hits a woman, is a peice a crap anyway. I would hate to see any woman get sucked into the cycle of abuse that all to often happens. You should be so proud of yourself for walking away.

exactly, tyedye, when you look at yourself now, KNOW you are a woman of great strength and courage. what an example you are setting for your children! not to stand for being treated so horribly!

Teafortwo, I self harmed for the last time several months ago when i lost partial use of my left hand after severing a tendon.
That was the last time.
He was being abusive about my own kids from a previous relatioship and i lost it,he shouted abuse at me whilst mopping up blood,and calling me a drama queen etc,i never did it so any one would SEE IT!!!!!
I didnt mean for him to either but it was so bad i needed help,im permanently damaged now,thumbs buggered.
I cant tell you americantrish how nice those quotes were and thank you so much!!!in paricular the last one!!!?
Everyone else,i cant tell you how much mumsnet has helped me recognise and deal with what was happening to me and my children.
Thank you all so much,xxx

hi sweetheart ('tis fm)
((((((((((((((tyedye)))))))))))))))))

Hi you,i know you babe,thank you,xxxxx

I have the Gloria Gaynor track on itunes for you,but not the PAN!

virtual flowers for you as not sure i know you in rl

I know you on mn?

Mr chummy has chucked his teddy out of the pram again after my solicitor pointed out to him that pinning me in my car door was an act of domestic violence,and that my trying to get my car door open when he was trying to force it shut to restrain me from escaping,was not an act of violence against him!
Akin to a burglar sueing for injuries when he bruises himself on your coffee table whilst unplugging your tv/dvd?

tydye, i have posted on one of your other threads i think.

it does seem like that burglar doesn't it?! how you getting on now sweetheart? i hope you are getting there

Im not doing too well today,very hormonal,and packing up my lovely home into boxes,i never imagined i could live somewhere so idyllic,but it was a gilded cage,i will get there thanks,x

Really bloody down actually.

things will get easier tyedye
(my harrypotter name, dumbledoreisaliveitellyou, was toooooo long so i changed back!)

i appreciate that things are very hard for you at the moment, but that's the important thing - to realise it's just for the moment. you willhave a lovely home again but this time it will be free from the past.

(((((((((((((((((((tyeanddye))))))))))))))))))))))))