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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Tyedye...ive left him

221 replies

tyeanddye · 24/06/2007 21:35

He assaulted me and ive left him at last.crying alot but ok.

OP posts:
mylittlestar · 25/06/2007 11:54

Good for you for getting out. The hardest part is done now.
You will have many good times ahead of you now, I'm sure.

{{{{hugs}}}}

Original poster
tyeanddye · 25/06/2007 20:36

Hi all,im doing ok,i take his kids to see him everyday in the house i am still funding,and hes moaning he cant buy food,
time he got a job?!....
Not going everyday anymore,ho got our 3 yr old on the phone when she got upset to pressure me to come back,rather than divert and distract like any other human being.
i was holed up in a layby as he was mentally abusive and controlling the minute i stuck my nose in the door,
his effing mothers stirring too!
shes just jealous cos she never left his dad,who still abusses her daily....verbally and mentally.

OP posts:
Original poster
tyeanddye · 25/06/2007 20:43

even after a night in the cells,he took my keys off me to stop me leaving a few days later,then threw them after me and they hit me in the head,he was beside himself and i do believe he didnt mean to hit me,but he shouldnt have either had them or thrown them should he!?...

OP posts:
fireflyfairy2 · 25/06/2007 20:47

So who has the kids then? Are they with you?

Original poster
tyeanddye · 25/06/2007 20:58

theyre with me,but i take them to see him every morning before school,tea every evening and all day sat and sun
time i stopped being so reasonable i think?!

OP posts:
fransmom · 25/06/2007 21:07

i think so! how about he gets off his arse to see them occasionally? sorry about the verbals but he gets on my nerves! i think you've been more than blardy reasonable. fm x

Original poster
tyeanddye · 25/06/2007 22:01

he has sucked me into his tissue of excuses for so long ,i almost believe its all my fault!
i have invested everything,my kids,my capital ,my soul.....and im abused for it,as are my own kids,not his,(we have 2 together)
poor lamb was wrenched out of his lonely rented crummy house,given the kids he had always wanted,and the lifestyle,god what a bitch am i for doing that to him,he should have seen me coming!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
Pinkchampagne · 25/06/2007 22:10

You've done the right thing, Tyedye.

madamez · 25/06/2007 22:12

Best of luck to you. It is hard but you have done the right thing, never doubt it.

Mercy · 25/06/2007 22:16

Stay strong - as madamez says you have done the right thing - for you and all the children.

fransmom · 25/06/2007 22:17

you are better off now you out of it tyedye. how you feeling tonight?

Mercy · 25/06/2007 22:17

and pinkchampagne of course

(sorry)

Pinkchampagne · 26/06/2007 22:40

How are you, tyedye?

Original poster
tyeanddye · 27/06/2007 21:03

i feel like shit,never felt worse,our little boy was so upset yesterday i was engineered into staying the night at the house by the most appalling emotional manipulation of our 6 yr old son who ended up hysterical,our 3 yr old daughter told her daddy off quite thoroughly,i slept on the floor on the landing with my car keys and mobile in my pocket,hed blocked the door to the room i was using before i left him so i couldnt get in,he has since piled on the abuse saying that i bullied our son etc,i feel so fucking bad i wish i was dead,he will just get worse,i never thought he would behave this bad,hes bonkers.

OP posts:
Original poster
tyeanddye · 27/06/2007 21:04

last ime i stay there

OP posts:
Original poster
tyeanddye · 27/06/2007 21:08

i feel like a refugee,like i will wake up and it will all be a bad dream,our son misses his daddy so badly but i know this isnt my fault.how many second chances can you give someone like that?my womensaid counsellor is very concerned,i didnt think he could be as bad as some abusers,no punches or rape etc,but shes an experienced lady,and she thinks hes dangerous!!!
his back is to the wall and hes losing it,i keep thinking of the man who jumped off a balcony in greece or somewhere,with his kids in his arms when his wife ended the relationship,he killed his son yet survived himself.

OP posts:
crazylazydaisy · 27/06/2007 21:09

tyeanddye - sorry, am useless at advice, but wanted to bump this for you. So sorry you and dcs having such a bad time of it. Thinking of you xx

Original poster
tyeanddye · 27/06/2007 22:03

thanks crasylasydaisy,im in a funk atm,xx

OP posts:
Original poster
tyeanddye · 27/06/2007 22:03

spellings a shocker again..........

OP posts:
crazylazydaisy · 28/06/2007 20:51

How are you and dcs today tyeanddye? Hope things are a little better xx

Mommalove · 28/06/2007 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Pinkchampagne · 28/06/2007 21:22

So sorry you are having such an awful time, Tyedye, it sounds horrendous.

Are you not staying at your mum's?

I would try & keep away from him as much as you possibly can for now.

TimeForMe · 29/06/2007 09:36

Hi, I really hope you do not mind me butting into your thread and adding my twopenneth but i could not just let it go by without saying your situation sounds not only horrendous but highly dangerous.

I can sympathise and empathise with you over your children. We all want what is best for our children and we as women do tolerate more than enough in the name of our children.
However, i think sometimes, no matter how much out children cry, beg and throw tantrums we have to look at the bigger picture. They are unable to see the danger we as grown women can see. Would you allow your children to swim out to sea when you knew a storm was coming? I doubt very much you would. No matter how much he begged and cried you would not let him do it because you are the one with the wisdom and will not let him under no circumstances get into a dangerouse situation. You would do everything to keep him safe.
Please, please, exercise some of that same control and wisdom now and do everything you can to keep your children and yourself safe. This man is using his children to control you, he is using the love you hve for your children and he is playing on the guilt you feel for taking the children away from their father and their home. Please do not let him do that.

Also, i do know what it's like to be in an abusive, controlling realtionship. I know how difficult is is to break away, to leave and to stay away. I also know how easy it is to 'hide' behind our kids, use them as an excuse for staying. You are in a really difficult position. As a person I can understand you will be feeling completely torn, your emotions will be all over the place. My advice to you would be to take all the help and advice that is on offer or avilable to you. This is a lot for you to have to handle on your own. It's too much. But try to have faith in yourself, you can do this

ChristyC · 29/06/2007 10:34

Dear Tyeanddye,
you are being so strong and you need to keep it up although I know how exhausting it is - I too am in the same place and tho I have never been hit, I know that he was very close to doing it, and anyway, no-one should be in this situation and fear for their future. I too also worry about whether he will use the children against me at some point and just cling to the hope that his love for the kids outweighs his own hurt. Its so hard to hand over your children to the man who has been violent towards you and it kind of goes against a mothers instinct. My OH is having the kids tonight - I don't know how we will work it as he has no place to go with them, so he will come back here and I think I will have to go out. I am worried that he won't let me in again! Anyway Tyeanddye - please keep strong, you are so brave and I send you loads of hugs xx

americantrish · 04/07/2007 17:39

tyeanddye, did you used to use a similar name??
i think we used to email..i used to be lunar(or lunarx, i cant remember which now!)

i'm glad you got out. i'm so, so so glad.
there is support out there for you. and you are far from alone. woman's aid can help, as can the dove project (both are google-able.)

have you reported him? i know that might not be on your mind as you just left, but its something to consider, especially if there are children involved and if it ends up in a custody battle. i know your mind is probably in a lot of directions now, but just a thought.

abusive men have the best abilities to get other people to believe them and take their sides. this is an issue so very close to my heart, i cannot speak out enough on it.

in the meantime, take care of you..
and know..

you are safe.
you are loved.
AND
YOU ARE FREE.

stay strong. don't go back.
(and maybe change your MN name in case he knows it.) xx