Anyone else know they need to split but either too chicken to go through or delaying for other reasons?

[relationshipwoes]

I’m getting closer and close to thinking we need to split, things have not been good for a long time. But Christmas is coming and we have a holiday booked first half of next year.

It seems like there will often be a reason for it to not be good timing - kids birthdays, etc etc.

And its not just the timing, but it just feels too big a things to bring upon us all, the affect on the children, finances etc etc.

If your partner is abusive and things are “ok” (but not good enough) how do actually summon the energy to actually split?

[purplepandas]

Can I please join too? I just can't do this anymore. Trying to steel myself to tell DH tomorrow. We keep going back and forth but the thought of this as forever destroys me. I feel so selfish as two primary aged DCs and he is a great dad.its just not enough and our house is not a happy place. Clearly awake stressing about the impact of what I need to do and whether I can do it.

[Picoloangel]

Hi all

How is everyone doing? I am getting more rather than less confused. We have been to counselling a couple of times but I think what’s really going on is that I need to go but can’t face actually making the break. I know that if I could go to sleep and wake up in my new life I would do it but I almost don’t have the energy to move home, buy a home etc.
Where we seem to be after a couple of sessions of counselling is that my response to DP’s chronic untreated depression needs to change 🤔 I think he has no idea how miserable my life is when he’s in the clutches of an episode - he’s v anti meds.
I think I get overwhelmed by the prospect of being a single parent and all that that will entail - financially, childcare, moving house etc etc.
I lived alone for years before I met DP so I know I can do it. I can even envisage us being good friends because there’s no real anger there anymore just frustration and sadness for me that he’s no resistant to getting help. I am just paralysed by my own indecision I think I also have a fear that I will be lonely and regret it or that we both will and it will be undoable.

[DishingOutDone]

WantToBeStrong - have you checked to make sure you are not me?! Sounds very similar

[DishingOutDone]

There's thread going on in Relationships about a woman whose husband is abusive to her and her young children and other posters have come on to talk about their experiences of their mums leaving abusive dads, or not as the case may be, and saying things like they lost respect for their mums for not leaving. My youngest teen DD says that she feels its her fault I have stayed!! But you know I think kids will always struggle with it once they are old enough to understand some of it; had I left I bet she'd be saying she felt it was her fault we split up

There's no doubt in my mind that I have done the wrong thing staying this long. Very soon there will be no choice, the house will have to be sold, DDs will be adults and I will be left facing a retirement with him or alone. Alone has to be preferable. Older DD has said to me "if you don't leave we (as in her and her sister) would find that VERY confusing!"

My mum lived in an abusive relationship in the 1960s until her death in the 1970s she was only 54 - in those days the financial and practical obstacles were enormous, so I often say to myself that I owe it to her, as well as my DDs, to get out. I am scared of being alone, even more scared of his reaction. But for now we have to stay.

[Misty9]

I can't remember if I've posted on here before but I am in this situation too :(

I've more or less decided to split but having the weight of being the one to broach it is making me hesitate. I've felt unhappy for years (together 11) but it would be such a bombshell for the dc (2 under 8) and one really doesn't cope well with change

I'm thinking of sharing my thoughts of separating with dh. We've had counselling and been trying for ages so it won't be a shock...