Dating thread 142: love will tear us apart...again

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Hi all...
Mr Disappearing has texted now to say let's not do today, let's do it another day. He has named the day but I have no guarantee he will turn up for thy either. I feel ridiculously upset for some stupid reason. I feel a fool for giving him a chance. Feeling v low - realising that soon both my kids will have left home and I am all on my own :(

Haha i was all set to not go etc! But then he msged and said how he'd been looking forward to it all week etc. At the end of the date when we got back to our homes he msged and said he didn't want it to end and he didn't want to let me go! So cute! He was a very good kisser!

How on earth do you not get swept up in it all so it doesn't hurt as much when it goes tits up?!

Aww daffo I'm sorry to hear your having a shit day! Don't think about when the kids leave it's just not worth upsetting yourself. Me right could be right around the corner! Xx

Daffo If he's making you feel like that then he's not worth any more of your time and emotionally energy.

Sorry to hear that Daffo 🌺

@Apparentlyacatch told you! Overthinking can be a bugger, glad you had a good night ☺️

Checking in

I figure I'm due a good un after all my dullards so I'm just waiting for him to show up 🙄

Ghosted by Mr F. Always the quiet ones!... Usual story, messaging on WhatsApp, he likes me feels a connection blah blah blah. Then stops responding and unmatchs me from Tinder.

I told him.that he should be honest with women instead of ignoring them! Then I blocked him.

May karma bite him on his big round arse!

daffo sorry to hear your feeling down...

I think it's better when men show their true colours early... Saves them seeping out later on!

They are so many good men out there, I can't see you being alone. But hey if you were it's 2018 you can have a string of 20 something toy boys to keep you entertained

@Apparentlyacatch sounds like a great time was had by both of you

@Daffo hugs, onwards and upwards, you never know what's around the corner.

My date with MrAbs last night was the best sex I've ever had . My god, those fit ones have got stamina. We only started chatting on POF on Saturday night, he cooked me dinner at his last night and it was epic . I think it scratched an itch for both of us, trying not to over analyse it, but I've had lots of lovely messages this morning.

Got my date with MrOld at 11am today. MrAbs knows about MrOld. He says he won't ask me to cancel, but he hopes it goes badly

apparentlyacatch I think 'rules' two and three on here are the hardest to ever keep too. I overthink and overinvest on everything, still doing it 3 months in to my relationship with Mr T, it's very hard to stop and if someone comes up with a foolproof method to not to it please tell me!

Daffo sorry to hear about Mr Disappearing my two kids have recently left home and I'm feeling it big time, it's tough, but make the most of you having them still there and cross that bridge when it comes.

JeSuisPret - fab news, enjoy your date today as well!

@Daffo that sucks big time but as stated it's best the true colours come out now.

@apparentlyacatch and @JeSuisPriest glad you had a good time! Does Mr.Abs have a brother he can send my way???

Still been chatting to Mr 4amGuy. The others i had matched with on Tinder and Bumble didn't amount to anything. i messaged them all first trying to be a modern woman lol, but nothing back from any of them. oh well, their loss!

I have had several messages from new guys this morning and have started chatting with another guy as well as 4amGuy, but this guy (Mr Tartan i think suits him as he has a tartan shirt on in his profile pic) lives further away so not likely to amount to much.

@daffo thankyou for starting the new thread and sorry to hear you are feeling down. MrDisappearing sounds like an idiot so bullet dodged but I know what you mean about being let down and how much it can hurt.

@apparently, sounds like a great date. Plans for date 2?

@JeSuis, OMG jel of MrAbs. Fill your boots!

I met Mr Music last night and after a shaky start, we had a really nice evening. He's attractive and funny. I liked that he asked me for a second date last night and we arranged it then. No guessing. Seems like a good guy and I'm looking forward to date 2 :-).

MrEx is confusing me a little bit, lots of apologies and he's made a massive mistake etc. I was SO into him it was insane but he hurt me badly. Not sure if I opened myself up to being hurt though and trying to have a stern word with myself. The connection was amazing and that's whats making it so hard :-(

Does anyone know if @TooOldForThis67 is ok?

@wishywashy no haven't seen TooOld, hope they are okay.....

Quick question about POF guys, I'm spending this morning replying to messages as I seem to be quite popular today lol. But the majority of them are from a major Scottish city about 2 and a half hours from me......I haven't changed any settings (that I'm aware of anyway lol) so why would i suddenly be popular in this area?????

Phew - found you all!

Sorry to hear you're feeling this way @Daffo :-(

Planned another date for this Thursday, bowling and dinner afterwards haha!!

What do people do on dates?! I really struggled to come up with an idea.

Can I please get some perspective from you all?

Im a pretty seasoned online dater but I'm finding it hard these days to know whether or not I'm over reacting due to all the crap I've had whilst being on OLD.

9 days ago I received a message on one of the dating sites from a guy I've been speaking to on and off since February. I will call him Mr Music
We've always got on well but never actually managed to meet up for various reasons.

Eg I asked to meet up in Feb but he was ill. This illness turned into pneumonia so we never met up

Then end of March I met somebody , ended up dating for a few mths but it didn't work out.

I went back on the site middle of June he didn't seem to be around. Then I got a message from him mid July saying I was 'a site for sore eyes'

Unfortunately I was going into hospital a couple of days later for a fairly major op which meant I'd be out of action for a fair while. So we didn't meet up

I was off the site until mid October, went back on talked to a few people had a date etc nothing mind blowing.

Then 9 days ago I was out with my best friend discussing how I should give up OLD for good as it felt like I was trying too hard. Up pops a message from Mr Music, told friend about him etc but didn't message back until the following day.

We spent the whole weekend talking to each other and every evening since then.
Last Friday he text to say he was driving back home from London after being up at 5 am. I text back saying drive safe, could see th message had sent but not been read.
Then I heard nothing for 48 hours. I thought I'd either been ghosted or something had happened to him.

He text me at 9pm last night saying he'd passed out early hrs of Sat morning and just woken up. And how had my weekend been ?

I was too pissed off to respond and left it til I'd calmed down today. Told him I thought he'd either blocked me or something had happened to him. His response ' I wondered what was going on when you didn't reply last night.'

When I said I'd felt like that all weekend because I'd heard nothing he said 'all i can do is apologise for my sleep pattern'

That's not an apology is it?

AIBU for feeling so pissed off? Or am I just over reacting?

Obviously I know not all men are the same etc etc but I have had this excuse used on me before when somebody stood me up and didn't show for a date.

Sorry that was so much longer than I intended

@Apparentlyacatch first date we did meal and drinks, 2nd we did Nando's and cinema although things got a bit steamy in the back row so we left 10 minutes into the film to go back to mine
Also done gigs (music and comedy), dog walks and cosy nights in!
I much prefer it when he takes charge haha!

Rather than start my own thread I decided to hop on here - hope that is OK, it's about dating and how shit it is making me feel. Been single for a while, dated on and off, but always ended up petering out (or me being ghosted).

So recently dating has really really got me down, I realise I am probably not in a fit state mentally to be dating but at the same time I would really like to meet someone.

In a nutshell, met some NOT online but through (without being too outing) an event, basically kept bumping into each other, I knew he was single so plucked up the courage to fire off an email and ask him if he wanted to hang out, texted frantically over the next few weeks while trying to find a good date to meet (both have kids). We ended up meeting for coffee, I noticed his text became fewer and more far between but I kept sending him light, jolly message. I realised obviously for whatever reason he had gone off the idea but I kept sending him the odd message just general chit chat. So basically at the weekend he unfriended me from FB and blocked me on chat. I feel devastated, I know it is ridiculous but I just keep thinking he must have thought I was annoying, stupid, ugly etc etc. This is where my self esteem is so low I should probably not be dating!

So back online, started chatting to guy, kept it very loose, set up coffee date for today. He texted last night saying he would have to postpone, not heard from him since ie he is obviously not interested.

Messaged a few other people online, so far no responses. For full disclosure I am mid 40s, quite high powered job (but don;'think this should put anyone off), average looks, don't think there is anything offensive about me.

I genuinely feel despair. Sorry this is so disjointed but I just needed somewhere to offload and fellow daters seems a good place. Like I say, I think the FB block hit me really hard as I really liked him but obviously the feeling wasn't mutual :(

@giggleshizz welcome 🤗
Sorry you're feeling so low, hopefully this thread can give you some helpful support and advice
Speaking from my own experience here but I really think you need to be able to love yourself before you go into dating. Sounds cliche but it's true. If you're validating yourself based upon other people's reaction to you then that's when your confidence and self esteem really takes a knock.
Think how many guys you've swiped no on, or spoken to but not really felt anything? Not because they're ugly/ annoying or anything else, just because they're not for you.
I always had the attitude that if they didn't seem that into me then I'd move onto the next, or just continue my life without thinking any more about them. With online dating there are SO many guys looking for a pen pal / ego boost but when it comes to anything real they bolt. We've all had to weed through those.
Don't chase someone who doesn't seem like they feel the same. If a guy is really that into you, he'll put some effort in. If not then he's not worth your time or tears.
Be happy alone first, do things that make you smile and don't look to anyone to make you feel complete or worthy.

Be kind to yourself

@giggleshizz, wise words from wishywashy.

I think the key thing is to be authentic and also remember that what's right for you won't pass you by. If they are right for you, they will make an effort and it won't feel like hard work or that you're chasing them, it will just flow naturally. I also think match their effort, since I've done this I've not felt let down by any man, as I match them. If they initiate dates then great, if not then move onto the next!

Its not for everyone but I also find it easier to chat to more than one, get less attached and fussed about the process.

Im going on one tonight! I dont think he is for me as he seems a little... damaged but i agreed and now i have to follow through.