Dating thread 142: love will tear us apart...again

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Infatuation is very real like but it can lead to pain.

You just to be aware that things could change at any minute; the more you are attached that hard it can be.

Someone said earlier 'the things that are meant for us, don't pass us by'

If I were you I'd play it neutral at this stage with him and share any anxieties with this thread instead

like you need a slap ;) or a chocolate orange or a boxset ;)

I think the problem is you've met him once that's what you've got to keep saying to yourself :) and if you think of it like that, then getting invested does seem odd but we ALL do it

Its so easy to get carried away, I'm very inpatient with how slowly things are moving which doesn't help. Up until a few days ago I was convinced if he disappeared I'd be fine with it then feelings have crept in.

Just had someone end it with me after one date last weekend, just because he's seen me online on what's app a lot...
Thinks I'm cheating.

Can I join you? I'm doing a bit of OLD as I've been single for years after my husband died. I'm not having much luck and think I'm just not attractive to men anymore.

I've inky used Guardian one and only had three men respond to me contacting. The first one seemed really keen, emailed a lot, long phone calls and we arranged to meet up. Just before we were due to meet up I get a message saying that he's been thinking about our conversation and I'm just nit sporty enough for him! I'm a sports physio so that was an interesting excuse.....

Second one , nice guy. Nothing there although we have decided to stay friends.

Third guy really lovely. Messaging a lot. Sends me a friend's request on Facebook and then we meet. We get on brilliantly. He holds my hand all day, gives lovely hugs and we have a little kiss at the end of the date. He says he wants to see me again. We carry on messaging and he casually mentions a holiday he's going on with an old female friend. I suggest a day to meet and he agrees. Next day I get the I just want to be friends line which was really upsetting and so I said I couldn't deal with that yet, but we'll see. The message was worded in a way that he didn't think he could be with me now, but was leaving the option open in the future. No reasons given, but he said he had some. Didn't bother to ask as I thought I didn't want to feel more shit about myself than I did already. He's still liking things on Facebook but hasn't made contact and nor have I - I said I wasn't going to but said maybe in the future.

So that's that. It seems like men like the chase, the lots of texting and messaging for a while and then don't want to bother anymore amd im supposed to guess this.

Not sure what to do next. I can't stop being the person I am. I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

unique fuck him seriously, what a wanker. I use whatsapp for work so he would be seriously insecure with me

leigh try another site like Bumble. Guardian is notoriously slow

and ps sorry you've only met pricks. You deserve so much better!

unique clearly the guy is a possessive psycho - one date and he believes he has the right to say anything about your behaviour? Fuck off.

Leigh that sounds like a tough couple of experiences, I'm sorry. Remember though, at such early stages it's not you, it's them

Yeah he's obv very controlling.
I don't like knowing that someone is online all evening. Attached to their phone.
But would never mention it until we had met several times.
Could just be friends their texting.

At first I thought he was joking lol
Saying where is my princess tonight yuk

@unique1986 Be grateful he showed his possessive, jealous side so early on. You've had a lucky swerve there although it may not seem like it at the moment.

@Leighhalfpennysthigh Hello and welcome Don't even think about not being the person you really are. You are doing nothing wrong. They are being themselves and you are being yourself, it really is a numbers game. The more dates you go on, the more likely you are to chance upon that person who thinks you're a good fit for them and vice versa. You are quite correct about the messaging, it really is an ego boost in an otherwise dull day for a lot of men who have no intention of meeting up. It's difficult to weed them out, so set yourself a time limit of say a week and if you've not met within that time (without very good reason if you're super keen), then move on. They are wasting your time and you risk becoming over invested meaning you are not open to other possibilities. That's my experience anyway.

I've not heard of Bumble. What's it like? Yes. Guardian is very slow and seems to attract a certain type of man (pathetic - but I may be biased!).

It's the contact thing I don't understand. Number 3 started the talk throughout the day stuff, when we could, and then that tailed off from him but I carried on as normal. I'm overthinking it, but I really fucking liked him and that day it felt mutual.

IMO it's a bit of s red flag is guy texts loads at first.
Can't keep it up for a start and they could just be really bored and lonely.
Then few days later ignore you.

there's a programme on OLD now on BBC1 and people getting scammed

leigh all the sites are different. Bumble is nice as women have to message first. And it's popular so a fair amount of traffic

and yes leigh I found that with the guardian site too!

@JeSuisPrest thank you. I admit I'm finding it soul destroying. Amd the sheer number of men whose profiles seem to be the same old bollocks of loving the great outdoors, love cycling. Ffs. I work outside all day, I want to go to the pub and I hate cycling.

@DaffoDeffo I'm glad it's not just me lol. I think I'll take a break, woman up a bit and try bumble.

leigh it is utterly ridiculous isn't it

if you read this thread, all we really want is a good shagging, a nice drink and a bit of a cuddle :)

it's definitely not you and you will be AMAZED at the difference between guardian and bumble!

like you can join me on the impatient bench too if you like! I like chatty men, my iron isn't sadly, something to get use to I guess!

If we were to progress & be exclusive we would have a chat about it

leigh I'm with you on the boilerplate profiles, all the outdoorsy stuff, I think men put what they think we want to hear or they think makes them sound interesting. I suspect I'm swiping left on lots of perfectly suitable men if only they'd admit they watch tv most nights and take the occasional walk to the pub.

Hi lovely people
Re-joining thread even tho I’ve decided not to go dating until at least after Christmas after my last disaster.... MrMovies
He actually was v lovely but SO not ready for a relationship and I think he wanted light and easy and I’m passionate and blah bah but it ended kinda nicely and sporadic hellos. It’s fine
Just taking time out now.... listening to all your stories....

Hi molly 👋🏼☺️

arrgghh, I want to kick myself, showing insecurity about my wobbly bits to Mr 4amGuy and now wondering how he will respond. You know that moment when you wish you could delete your comment before they read it??? What an idiot!!

okay panic over, it appears to have been ignored after a cracking second message save on my part (even if i do say so myself lol). Mr 4amGuy now getting very flirty and wants to jump into bed to give me a work out ;)