Dating thread 142: love will tear us apart...again

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

As a single guy on the dating scene it's not much fun being swiped left all the time 🙄

Quite interesting reading that you ladies have problems with guys not replying, the same thing happens to us guys as well you know

@removalizer there is someone out there for you, just keep looking!

Yeah I know how the game is played, I'm hardened to rejection now, it's a lot easier for you girls

@removalizer I think both sexes go through the same issues tbh. While it may not be much fun been swiped left on, I'd have rather people do that than waste my time 🤷🏼‍♀️

Im confused lol was talking to a woman for ages we met up a couple of times dates go well carried on messages then all of a sudden messages stop for no apparent reason. I ve sent her a couple shes read them but ignored me why do I feel gutted. I thought we had built a rapport but to stop after 10 weeks for no reason seems harsh but hey ho

@Rebornagain it is harsh and cowardly. I had no issue in telling someone politely I wasn't interested or that I didn't feel it was going anywhere etc. To just stop communication with no explanation is just rude 🤷🏼‍♀️

However, it does sound like she's made her choice so the best thing you can do is forget her and move forward. You'll probably never know why she acted the way she has but it's not worth your stress. You're only responsible for your own behaviour, nobody else's, so trying analyse or understand why someone has done something like this is a pointless exercise. Just remember it's no reflection on you

I'm on my last iron before I delete the apps for December...... My heart isn't in OLD at the moment. After getting burnt by MrImNotReadyYet (and never will be) a few weeks back I'm just trying to focus on other stuff..

I have recently done some home redecoration, getting in the zone for Christmas and I've started reading again which I've been on about for the last couple of years. I've even set up a blog online which is a great way of venting 😂🤣

Kind of feels nice to not have the pressure of messaging etc in the evening as my heart just isn't in it at the moment.....

OLD can be incredibly draining and sometimes we invest a lot and things go well and then poof out of nowhere they change..... I have developed a very thick skin but I don't have a heart of stone and the rejection still hurts sometimes.

My single remaining iron has a busy job and can't really commit to regular meets but will when he can but has admitted he is really ready to meet someone & try and make a go of things. Will see how it all pans out....... Conversation is great, amazing personality & it is all going at a sensible pace.

I'll be lurking for now (I always do 😂🤣). But for those of you feeling a little bit exhaustipated with the whole thing - remember Christmas season is coming and that is a great opportunity to get out and be social!! 😘

X

placemarking

Hello peeps, glad to see everyone's here, I was getting into a panic that the thread had died! No irons, had two matches on Tinder but quickly found one had moved across the world away from ex and child, the others wife had taken his child away and he had been fighting a long battle. I felt bad but it just raised a few warning flags for me, ie more drama on the way. BTW I still have my Mr12Step who was going on and on about all his dates whilst I had none. I told him he had gotten too big headed then unmatched him and he came back apologising for having a massive ego so back to friends again phew!

I hope you ladies don't mind a single guy joining in the conversation but I wondered if any of you make the first move when dating for example in a pub ?

morning all

removalizer v rarely happens these days. But depends on your age. I'm mid/late 40s. Don't know if it's different for the younger ones!

Mr Disappearing is chatting a lot to me having turned up yesterday. He says he wants to see me more often. I said saying it and actually doing it are different things so show me you mean it! Let's see if he does otherwise I can't be bothered with unreliability.

@DaffoDeffo Have you tried asking him why he's unreliable ?

removalizer first time he asked for space, he was having a very hard time at work. I knew that was true (I know where he works and what's happening there), we had only met I think once at that point, really hit it off, so I just let him be. Then he waltzed back, wanted to see me (this Sunday) saying he was now in a better place but it was a loose arrangement - I was coming back from somewhere, he was coming back from somewhere and we didn't set a place or time as we weren't sure of timing. He could have told me earlier I felt but later on in the day, he said he just wasn't going to make it (I am pretty sure it's because he had a huge night Saturday, then had to travel back and had a really important work thing on Monday). I called him out on it. He apologised and turned up yesterday.

Thing is, in a way, I don't care what the reasons are. It's all about communication. I think he's one of those men who thinks he can still do everything but then suddenly finds out he can't fit everything into his day.

I used to think he had someone else but I'm pretty sure that's not it. I think he's just a bit hopeless organisationally (which rather weirdly is just like my ex husband used to be grr!)

he's suggested we get into a routine of seeing each other, so setting aside certain days etc. and wants to go away for the weekend blah blah

I'll believe it all when I see it

I’ve ‘liked’ quite a lot of people on Guardian SM but very few have responded 😞
Is it worth sending a message? Or should I just accept that they’re not interested?

@HopelessWithNumbers No messages back means not interested, keep at it it's hard work, never heard of guardian just registering now

hopeless i found guardian v slow compared to all the other sites and like leigh the men on there were of a certain ilk!

Lol. Ok yes sounds sensible.
But a bit demoralising!

I’m not going to renew my subscription.

@HopelessWithNumbers don't worry you get used to it, I've just uploaded my photo on guardian let's see if I get any interest

@removalizer to answer your question, personally I wouldn't even if I was interested. Having just come out of a 20 year relationship where the guy sucked all my confidence, self esteem and happiness, at the moment I would be too terrified of rejection. Maybe as i heal i wioll become more confident but i haven't approached a man first in 20 years!

@scotgal2017 phew that's tough and I sympathize,but we're not all control freaks like him, dip your toe in the water you might be surprised anyway your stronger and wiser now

@DaffoDeffo Mr disappearing sounds ok compared to some the nutters I know through work

I've been watching videos on this channel and some of them have some good advice and insight. I watched this one this morning, might help those of us who struggle with Rule 3!

@removalizer yes i'm working on it!

Things seemed to be going well with Mr 4amGuy last night so might try and ask him if he wants to meet for coffee next week, I might chicken out but we'll see lol.

Had a match on Bumble last night that has disappeared, I'm assuming they can unmatch on Bumble like thery do on Tinder?