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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Support for Spook 3

413 replies

ponygirl · 28/08/2004 21:33

Here it is!

OP posts:
spook · 28/08/2004 22:33

Thanks Ponygirl! I'm still around. Been trying to take my mind off tonight by watching shite telly and smoking loads of tabs. But it's not working. So Spook (4 legged) and I are off to bed with a hotty totty (this is Newcastle) to hopefully wake up tomorrow feeling that we got through another horrible horrible day. God I'm sorry everyone. I'm so low tonight. WHY has his birthday upset me so much??? I never gave it a second thought them WHAM here it is and it's floored me. Please please please come home to us. It's just killing me.

Fairyfly · 28/08/2004 22:41

oh god spook, don't apologise ever to anyone for feeling like this, i have been thinking about you all night, sleep well and congratulations for getting this far. I know all you are probably thinking is how much you would love him at your front door just now. Don't know what else to say. words a pretty useless sometimes. Loads of hugs for you ( i hate doing that on mn most of the time) but i feel for you and here is the most overly used phrase of a break up, it does get better, and i promise you it does. You have made me want to ring my x tonight and bollock him for being someone who causes pain. Hope you get some sleep and if you ever need to talk, you will never bore, just email x

spook · 28/08/2004 22:48

Thanks Fairyfly. I'm so glad you're there. I just don't seem to be able to stop crying tonight. Feel like I've taken a huge step back. But I know tomorrows another day and I'll feel better and different. I think I need to get this house on the market. Beautiful though it is and home to my beautiful boys, I just can't stand rattling around in it anymore surrounded by memories of what was. I just want to get in the car and drive away all the time. There's some sort of need in me to escape. D'you know what I mean?

Fairyfly · 28/08/2004 22:55

Absolutely, crying, smoking, pacing, and the most overwhelming panic that you are no further on. But like i said before it doesn't last as long each time. As for moving, my initial thought was doing that , looking back i'm glad i didn't, i would have made all the wrong decisions based on running away from the pain.
i am moving soon but to something i really want to do instead of just finding somewhere to hide

sobernow · 28/08/2004 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

anorak · 28/08/2004 23:03

Hello spook and fairyfly, at my cousin's house, trying desperately to get her to MUMSNET - what do you think you are doing stating a new thread for spook without me!!!!

Fairyfly · 28/08/2004 23:05

i never stated anything miss star, are you having a good night, any cocktails tonight?

spook · 28/08/2004 23:07

Oh God Sobernow-I fantasise about things like that all the time!!And much worse. Thankyou for being with me and congratulatins on your wonderful day. Anorak! We missed you honey. Have had bad bad bad day {{{}}}
I do really need to move on though FF for my own sanity. I think then and only then will I ever come to terms that it's over and he's not coming home to us.

spook · 28/08/2004 23:14

Night night everyone. Have to try and get to sleep and end this shittiest of shit days. Oh God-Bank Holiday weekend. I HATE THEM. Thanks for tonight-especially Fairyfly. Couldn't have got through without you XXXXXXXXX

Fairyfly · 28/08/2004 23:16

I know moving on is good and you will get loads of advice on it. I think it was made easier for me as i didn't really have the choice to.
Whatever you do you will make the right decision, we all do at the end of the day when faced with options.
Just from my life lately i moved on in my heart. You are right though i reckon, i still have his image here, only yesterday i looked at the sofa and remembered kissing him on it. I think if i moved any earlier though i would have not had the strength to socialise or find a network, that's all, now i do.

Fairyfly · 28/08/2004 23:19

Bank holiday's stank aswell, they send you nutty, you think all families are out kissing in the sun, men are kicking footballs with there boys waiting for the picnic to be put out. None of it happens. Sleep well xxxx You have helped me too. Take care gorgeous you, you only have a good heart, thats all, something to be proud of

anorak · 28/08/2004 23:28

sorry I wasn't here for you both my dear cousin kimi was busy getting me pissed. You will be hearing more from her soon when she sorts out her username TOMORROW... kimi is a name you will be hearing again I have a feeling....

Fairyfly · 28/08/2004 23:33

ooo hello Kimi and welcome, your cousin Anorak (still not used to the name change) is a bit of a legend in these parts, so i am sure you will get the greatest respect

anorak · 29/08/2004 00:53

It appears kimi has sorted out her name change issues - I am now home. In our family it is kimi's job to get us pissed every month or so with parties at her house...

However it is my business to organise spook's new threads when one gets full - it happened in my absence and now I feel I have neglected my duty

Oh spook, can you ever forgive me...? [grin}

spook · 29/08/2004 09:30

I'll get over it anorak! Good morning.

deegward · 29/08/2004 10:01

I hope you are feeling a bit brighter toda spook, and too much of a fuzzy head (you too anorak). Everyone thinks families are having such together bank holidays and weekends, when in reality there is car washing, and a lot of wasted time. Its not all chocolate box stuff. Anyway take care, and speak soon.x

spook · 29/08/2004 10:13

Thanks Deegward. Not sure how I'm feeling today really. Still great big hole in my heart and home though-that I know! My phone never leaves my side...just in case. And my screensaver is the birthday cake I made him. God-I AM SO PATHETIC.

moomina · 29/08/2004 10:17

Spook, you are NOT pathetic! Everything you are doing and thinking and saying is totally natural and all part of the process (sorry, sounds crap but YKWIM). Please don't be so hard on yourself. And don't think that we're all off having bank holiday fun. I promise you, there are no flowers or balloons or holiday jollities chez moomina today either...

deegward · 29/08/2004 10:35

Not pathetic, I think it just shows you have a heart and a dream, and who are we if we don't dream.

spook · 29/08/2004 10:37

Thanks Moominmama. But answer me some questions please anyone. How come....my CD made him cry,he told me last night he was finding his birthday incredibly hard and only seeing the boys got him through, he still passed on a CD to me of his latest band for my opinion,he tells everyone he only sees her once or twice a week,I needed an adaptor for my Ipod-he went out the next day and bought me one without a prompt.....WHAT IS GOING ON IN HIS HEAD????? It's not as cut and dried as it appears is it?? I just feel in my deepest deep bit that it's just not over for us. He can't quite switch off. Am I clutching at straws as usual? It's just that I have told you on this thread so many times-our love affair was one of the greats. We were so so so perfect. Married after less than a year and sorted for life (or so I thought) But then I guess everyone thinks that. But everyone tells me how we used to just gaze adoringly at each other and our closeness was there for the world to see. What happened?????? And why am I feeling so bad this weekend. Why do I suddenly miss him so much it hurts like it did in January? I know no-one can answer any of these questions. Just helps me to get them down

Fairyfly · 29/08/2004 10:53

It does get bad again and again and again. \It is because you love him and didn't want this to happen. I hope sykes doesn't mind me saying this but we were set back a million times and used to discuss why the hell we had fallen to peices again. I lost it only a couple of weeks ago and decided i was kidding myself that i was ok and yes i would have him back within a second. He was playing games with me though.
Only your husband can only answer why he is doing these things, i don't know, everyone is different. But i will tell you why my x was, he started to panic just incase he had made the wrong decision. Everytime i moved on he did something to check the door was still open. He sent me a romantic song, told me he still loved me, brought me FIVE dvd's. I would get all hopeful and tearful and seriously screwed up again. He couldn't bear me to be happy and move on. After so many times of being manipulated it gets quite tiresome. I called his bluff and said ok hon, leave her then. Did he buggery. I bet you a million he would come back if she left him though.
I would ask your husband to sort out his relationship before he gives you all these mixed feelings. You have been through enough.
And one more time you are not at all pathetic, not even a little, you have a broken heart, he did this, not you, remember that.

spook · 29/08/2004 10:56

Forget everything I have just said. Just sent him a text asking him if he'd come and sort my ipod out when we were out and he is away till Tuesday. Obviously with her. I am shaking I feel so SHIT.

deegward · 29/08/2004 10:58

I could cry with you, I know how that sick feeling feels. I think if you were to have another man on the scene he would be beating a path to your door, he wouldn't want you to have what he's got. Oh spook, it sh* isn't it?

Beccarollover · 29/08/2004 11:07

You want me to come and try to set up your ipod?

Fairyfly · 29/08/2004 11:16

Spook are you doing anything today?

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