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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Support for Spook 3

413 replies

ponygirl · 28/08/2004 21:33

Here it is!

OP posts:
Original poster
ponygirl · 29/08/2004 19:47

Hi Spook, just wanted to say [HUG]. Lovely advice and words of comfort for you here as always. Thinking of you.

(And apologies to Anorak for usurping her thread-starting duties - the old one was just taking ages to load!)

OP posts:
anorak · 30/08/2004 14:42

Oh, all right then, I'll forgive you .

Feeling any better today, spookygirl?

Pook · 30/08/2004 20:26

I'm afraid I've been a bit of a lurker on this thread, and the previous. I haven't felt equipped to really give any advice, but I've been so pleased every time you've had a good day, and so angry for you when you've had bad days. Hope you're feeling better today, spook.

By the way, saw Poor Little Rich whatever. Bad hair, wonky eyes, wierd nose vacuous barbie!

I think mumsnet is fab for all the constructive and supportive advice that's available. I'm such a fan.

spook · 30/08/2004 22:36

Hello Pook. Good name. Thanks for posting. Always nice to hear what a vacuous bitch my darling husbands shacked up with. I'm off to bed now safe in the knowledge that another horrible shitty bank holiday is over,as is his birthday for another year. Nice to hear from you XXXX

anorak · 31/08/2004 09:01

And safe in the knowledge that anyone who met you, spook, would be singing a different song. My family are still going on about how wonderful you are, even dh started up yesterday, spook is such a lovely woman, etc etc. I had to give him a hard stare to shut him up

JuniperDewdrop · 31/08/2004 09:08

How's u today spook?

sobernow, do you think you were ever Greek in another life? great idea though. I like smashing bottles in the recycling bin though sometimes I'm so OTT I get stared at

spook · 31/08/2004 09:20

Hi anorak & juniperdewdrop. I feel a bit better today thanks. The sun is shining and bank holiday is over. I was reading back on some of my old threadds last night and founf another bloody bank holiday at the beginning of MAy. And I can safely say I haven't come on a JOT! Everything I was saying in April and May still stands. How much I love him and ow much I want him back etc. I'm off on another trip tomorrow to visit friends. I just can't stay in this house. I have this need to be away and doing something-and with people I think. I feel lonlier than I ever did. Probably coz i'm realising that this is it now for a long time. Every time the bloody dog barks I think "this is it!! He's home" How how how stupid.

JuniperDewdrop · 31/08/2004 09:24

It's perfectly normal to have these feelings. Like has already been said, you're a loving person and even though I don't know you I'd say very unselfish. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better x
If it were a good friend telling you the things dh says and does would you say he was dangling her on a string? I feel it's sometimes good (but painful too) to try to detach for a short while and 'advise' as if you're not involved.
So where does your friend stay, is it in the NE?

spook · 31/08/2004 09:39

Do you think he's dangling me on a string or her? Me I suspect.I would sell my soul to the devil to get inside his head and see whats going on in there. Not much probably but I think he really does still think he loves her. My friend is in Peterborough-she's the one I've been with all summer and the one I'm starting the business with in London.She's known DH for 27 years and doesn't recognise him anymore. I'm taking the stabilisers off DS1's bike this morning. Wish me luck!!

JuniperDewdrop · 31/08/2004 09:46

good luck on the stabilisers! DS1 is 6 and still has his on (to be honest I don't take him out on it enough )
Hope you enjoy Peterborough, never been there myself.

JuniperDewdrop · 31/08/2004 09:52

sorry, didn't mean to be rude about the dangling bit. Maybe both of you? having his cake and eat it? I don't know him so it's hard to say. It must hurt your friends and family terribly too.
I have a friend who's husband was very quiet. He ended up treating her nothing less than evil. She's a very successful professional and to see the way she let him treat her was horrendous for all. She's also very sensitive, has high morals and would do anything for anyone. He once asked her if his mistress her kids my friend and her son could all go on holiday to centre parcs together? She declined thank goodness. I'd never liked him so losing him is no loss but her suffering was excruciating.
She and her son have now emigrated to oz and son is doing a million times better. She has a lovely new man and is delirious.

spook · 31/08/2004 10:02

Course you weren't being rude honey! The problem I have and the reason I find it so so hard to let go is that he wasn't a horrible man. He was a gorgeous caring romantic lovely man. I see exactly what Katsuit Kat sees in him. He sweeps people off their feet and it's genuine. That's why I just can't turn my back and say good riddance. At least I know the wonderful times I had with him really were wonderful I guess.

anorak · 31/08/2004 10:05

Have a lovely time in Peterborough, spook. Get those plans to move to London up and running, we all can't wait for you to be nearer.

JuniperDewdrop · 31/08/2004 10:09

I can imagine why you'd like to get inside his head then if he's that nice. I hope it doesn't take too long for you to get to London as it sounds like there's lots of support down there.

spook · 31/08/2004 20:41

I am packing everything up and putting it outside on the lawn. He told me yet again today how he could never come back now-wasn't happy with anything about our lives for a very long time. Says I'm selfish and he's not responsible for my happiness. Asked him tonight to come and sort his stuff out once and for all. Have been staring at it for 8 months clinging to the hope that while it's still there he may come home.A constant reminder of what once was-our life together. he texted me that I've got 2 constant reminders (boys) surely the reat can wait. I begged him So I have been upstairs going through heaps of old photographs. Unfortunately DS1 has seen the state I'm in today and was also upstairs watching me. He has just clung to me and sobbed and sobbed. Oh My God-what have I done?? A 7 year old has been trying to take care of his broken muumy all day long and was even bringing me newspaper to wrap daddys things up in. I could really have screwed his little head up. He is so grown up and such a gorgeous gorgeous little man but he shouldn't be seeing this. I know that. Neither of them slept again last night and we all ended up going to my bed at 10.45.I just do not physically know how I can get through this. I'm never going to love him any less. Just miss him more.

scrumpy · 31/08/2004 20:50

spook...have not posted before on this thread as dont know what to say to help you through this. Reading your post tonite all I can say is you are trying so hard to get through this dont feel guilty for being upset I am sure your little man will be ok he loves his mummy and is trying to help. I really feel for you there and I have been through similar though I did not have children. It does not help to say it does get better but it will in time although it does not feel like it now . You are incredibly brave and strong remember there are lots of people really wishing life gets better for you soon and you begin to feel better. I wish i had amazing words of wisdom but I havent. Take care [huggy icon}

popsycal · 31/08/2004 20:52

oh spook - you, becca and me need a proper meet up.
I will be thedriver as I can't drink.

Say when and where
hugs
popsy

rivers · 31/08/2004 21:03

I am sure what you are going through is awful but I really feel at some point you have to protect your children from your pain as they really need you to be strong for them. I speak from the experience of being the child of divorced parents.

scrumpy · 31/08/2004 21:30

Spook....how are you? Worried you ok? Have you sorted out the stuff is it on the lawn? Here if you want to talk.

JuniperDewdrop · 31/08/2004 22:59

spook, you will get through this. Once you start to really let go and think of yourselves as a trio you'll start to get stronger.
I've witnessed my mum running out of the house and leaving me with my drunken dad. Totally different but you're there for them. If you didn't cry would you be human? I'd much rather have seen my mum cry and show emotion than run out. I have a son almost 7 too and he's seen things that I'd rather he hadn't but I can't wrap him in cotton wool. I bet your boys will grow up being very sensitive caring men that you'll be proud of. You have enough on your plate without trying to act out a role. Be good to yourself and try not to feel guilty.
I hope you find some joy in Peterborough and come back feeling somewhat refreshed.

anorak · 31/08/2004 23:09

spook, I'm here if you want to talk...

spook · 01/09/2004 07:33

Hi everyone.Was just too upset to post again last night but thanks for your messages of support.I have put a whole load of his stuff on the lawn.Prada suits and gold records with a nice covering of dew this morning. I feel pretty angry agian today. Some of the things he said to me yesterday were really mean. All the usual crap about how he's going to spend every penny we've got to stop me going to London,what a crap mother I am,he has so much more control over the boys,he has a much nicer time with them when I'm not there. The human mind is an amazing thing isn't it-the things you can convince yourself of when you're in denial. I've been hearing some pretty damning things about Katsuit Kat too! Her reputation and how she never could quite manage to find her own boyfriend-she always seems to prefer someone elses. Much as I HATE her I realise now (which most of you probably realised long ago!) that she's just stringing him along to further her career-he fell for it hook line and sinker having his ego massaged by someone 21 years his junior-his wife didn't understand him after all!! And now he really does think he's in love and she really does know when she's on to a good thing. Irrespective of how many lives she destroys along the way.
So my mindset I'm pleased to say is slightly different today. I'm going away which helps. I think this house drains me of all my energy.It seems a permanent tip-too bloody big.I need to streamline my life,my mind and my possesions. I can safely say I will certainly be streamlining my house when I move to London.Anyone know any desirable broom cupboards near Battersea??
And Beccarollover has been an absolute star. She only met me a few months ago and she is fast becoming one of the nicest friends I've ever had.THANKYOU Beccarollover.

Clayhead · 01/09/2004 07:37

Morning, spook.

Prada suit with dew sounds good

Fairyfly · 01/09/2004 07:53

Things start to get a little easier when you look at it from an objective point of view and begin to understand how pathetic it all is. I now know it was no reflection on me and stopped analising what was wrong with my body/face/personality... why she was better etc.
All that happened was she competed against me and massaged his ego, stroked his little brow and said poor you. He was like a puppy. The cracks are starting to appear now, how could they not, love is not based on hurt and deceit.
Glad you are feeling a little more positive and angry again, anger gets your gears back into first. Good luck with your move and i hope your day goes smoothly with as much positivity as possible

sobernow · 01/09/2004 07:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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