Spook, I'm so sorry. I presume this is the friend who used to be his 'best friend' and is now yours?
My immediate reaction is that the reason she has been so close to you is because she knows how wrong he is from her own personal experience. Not that that will be any consolation to you, but possibly she feels for you in a genuine way despite everything. I certainly don't think she is anywhere but on your side now, but that's only reassuring in as far as that it is better than the alternative.
It is extraordinarily painful for you to find out this way that your h was not the devoted husband you thought him to be. However he has now sealed his fate, seemingly, with his careless remarks. You can at least plan for the future without including him in the equation. It probably feels like a death but a death is final, however painful and so you may get on with the grieving process and begin the healing one.
This is a terrible and important milestone, one of those things that separates you from those who have no experiences, and are as useful to the rest of the world as a blank piece of paper.
You will know when you get through this that there is nothing, nothing that can ever happen to you that you will not be equal to. And always, as I've said to you before, you will be able to sleep at night without guilt, and look at yourself in the mirror with admiration for your integrity and honesty - something that many people, including your h cannot do.
I hope I am making sense, things are unsettled here at the moment, and I will be logging off now. But you know my phone number if you desperately need to talk, you know that you would be welcome for as long as ever you need if you appeared on my doorstep. I will be on line again first thing in the morning.
I and my family love you very much xxx