To make an ultimatum with DC?

[bumblebee39]

No IPad no snacks nothing else 'positive' until she tidies her bedroom (been asking her to do this for 3 days now to no avail)

And WIBU to start confiscating the things she is not looking after like jewellery and hair things etc. Felt tip pens she won't put the lids back on etc. Until she learns to look after them?

She is 5 but has been tidying her own room since two (assisted at 2yrs and 3yrs, unassisted since)

Oh OP, big hugs for you, you are doing an AMAZING job of self reflection, and it’s clear you’re a fantastic parent in a phenomenally difficult situation.

I just wanted to recommend something that has had a life-changing effect on my calmness and sleep and that is an app called headspace . They do daily non-religious meditations for ordinary people and have recently started a guided sleep hypnoses which is basically some people reading out what sounds like gobbledegook (titles like ‘midnight laundrette’ ‘cat marina’ etc) which seem to flick a switch in my head and I am out like a light (been having sleep problems for about six or seven years). At Easter I was so stressed and anxious I thought I’d have to go to go and get medication and thought ‘I’ll just TRY this meditation lark instead’ (we were in middle of intense life change) and now six months on I am sleeping well and much more hilled out. You could def maybe lie in dd’s room and play one of the sleep tracks with her.

Also a book I found very helpful in negotiating food etc was ‘French children don’t throw food’ - really fun, interesting read.

Finally, sometimes when I’m losing my rag I think of the amazing ted talk by Amy Cuddy on power dynamics, (watch it!) then I pretend I’m the type of person who is a very brilliant kind teacher (the kind who is calmly assertive and never loses control) and sort of use that imaginary voice to say ‘okay, come on now, it’s dinner time / tidy time bla bla.’

But you’re going through so much. It actually sounds like you are doing an amazing job in the big picture. This too WILL pass.

Thanks @Piccalillisnooze

Seems like an uphill battle right now... But we will get there in the end!

Some great tips too thanks X

“I mean, I thought I had this helpful, creative, tidy, kind child and now I'm dealing with daily tantrums and the worst behaviour I have ever seen in a child her age ever.” There is a hormonal brain development that tends to kick in around 6-7 that leads to tantrums worse than a 2 year old. Could be that has started early. Could be (and more likely) as you say a reaction to your break up. Either way your job is to teach her how to manage her emotions and love her, not treat her like an adult who can cope with massive unexpected upheaval in her life. Sorry but I think you need to stop judging and start supporting