Bf loves his kids waaaay more than me - aibu?

[HelpfulHermione]

I have a complicated long distance relationship. A few months in. I am very much in love and everything is perfect.

Except... he tells me quite often that his children are his priority and they come first always. Which is of course how it should be. I have DCs too.

But yesterday it reached a whole new level. And I was told, quite explicitedly, that being with his DCs will always be his favourite thing to do and nothing else comes close.

“I love spending time with my kids. I prefer it to anything else in the world”

“I don't have hobbies or go out with friends because I just want to be with them”

“I want to be with them, not other people”

I am not a demanding partner. I have my own life and plenty to be getting on with. I never ask for anything. If he’s free then great if he’s not then fine.

But somehow he always finds a way to remind me exactly where I stand.

Of course his young children should come first. I would never expect anything else.

So why do I feel so shit? And why do I have zero interest in spending time with someone as their 2nd choice.

I just need to suck this up, don’t I??

Sorry haven't read the full thread but it sounds really odd that he keeps bringing it up like as if you need reminding or something? He sounds weird

Sorry, but I think you are just burying your head in the sand.
All I can say is ' pray for the best, but expect the worse' (think thats how the saying goes 😙

You lot are awesome!!!

Thank you so much for helping me realise how fucking ridiculous this all is.

I’ve just managed to leave my controlling, needy, self centred and pathetic husband of nearly 20 years. I don’t need this shit.

I won’t make a big drama. But I will stop putting myself out to be so damn available. If it’s meant to be it can wait.

Are you dating Peter Andre? I hear he loves his kids

Ok, I’m not getting the Peter Andre thing.

It might be good to do the Freedom Programme and other things to build your self care skills, and dickhead radar!

Peter Andre is a MN in joke cos he so often banged on in interviews about how much he lurves his DC!

This so called relationship started wrongly and will end badly. In my book if you are unhappy with your partner you end it and move on. Not go sniffing around on OLD sites. Really you are both as bad as each other and you are happy to accept the crumbs he is offering you.

It's pretty normal for mothers to love their children more than their DH so why not the other way round?

Put it down to experience, OP. And move on.

barbara it’s not about him loving his children more. I wouldn’t expect anything else. It’s about him referring to be with them over anything else and where that leaves me.

preferring

If you want to know how honest he's being, just ask him on a video call (so you can see his reaction) when is he going to to tell his ex gf about you?

You met online so you're most likely a bit on the side for him considering he is still living with the ex. He probably senses that you're coming on too strong hence why he keeps mentioning the kids to put you back in place. This is also why you're finding it difficult to accept the negative side that everyone is mentioning.

The way you're acting is exactly what they meant by "love is blind"

Fuck me. Run.

Poor kids. Imagine being landed with your dad every spare minute -when you could be having fun with your friends!

He sounds like a smug twat.

It's early days in a long distance romance so you haven't actually spent much time with him. You don't actually know much about him at all. Talk is cheap and all that.

I suspect that pps are right. He's either using his kids as a cover-all excuse for not seeing you at weekends etc. or he's telling the absolute truth and he's an intense, suffocating and slightly creepy guy who needs to stop smothering his kids.

Glad you've realised this isn't what you need right now.

OK, so I legally separated from my STBexH but we still live together with our young son. It does happen. We are both dating, life is too short.
I've been dating someone for 7 mths. He is living with his sister whilst he saves for somewhere to rent paying maintenance and half the mortgage, it's not easy. He has 3 kids. They are his world, especially as he does not see them every day now. He never realised it was going to be that hard to deal with emotionally. We talk about it but he doesn't constantly bang on about it and he makes it clear that I am valued in his life and am actually making things easier.
My point is, the OP b/f has realised when he moves out it will feel like he's abandoned his kids so he's trying to convince everyone that they are his whole world. That is unrealistic as anyone in this situation knows, kids grow up, you need a life of your own. I think OP's b/f is not quite ready to be dating and unless OP is a very patient person, could be waiting a long time for things to change.

Please do his wife a favour and let her know!!! I would want to know if this was me and that my husband was calling me his ex. Maybe just let her know that you are willing to take him in and how she feels about the kids coming over and does she want supervised visits etc.

How often do you actually see him? Do you face time at the same time every night? Do you face time every single day? I'm sorry OP it screams of him still being married and he's lying to you. Perhaps he can face time 5 nights a week because his DW is at work. How old are his DC's that they take up his entire weekend? You say his family and friends know about you but have you met any of them or is it what he's told you. As everyone has said previously, we all love our DC's and they'll always be the priority but him banging on about it and being unavailable and unwilling to give you any time, especially on a weekend screams that he's using that as an excuse and smoke screen. He lives with them!

Kids come first of course they do...but it's not normal in a relationship to keep saying so!! It's like he's trying to put you in place of where you are in a priority list and that's not on. Of course it makes you feel like crap. I'd be leaving tbh. It's not considerate or loving by any means. My kids welfare come first but I wouldn't dream to verbally keep saying so to a guy I was seeing.

@Butterfly44 clearly hasn't read the whole thread....

OP, it's not supposed to be THIS hard, this soon in. Remember this and don't settle for crumbs

This man wants to be a good father to his kids. He wants to be near them whenever he can.
I have friends who do this, with housing constraints they still live in the same house, but they live very separate lives. For both the kids come first. I would ignore the immature replies that seem to be coming. Adults can be responsible where their children are concerned. As the current situation stands meeting the kids would be difficult. Once he has got his new place, the situation should change. If you would prefer a more flaky father / man ( which I know the posters telling you too run would also be complaining about) then dump him and go and find him. There are plenty to choose from.

I'd be fucking this right off OP and I don't buy either that they have ended, I'd bet my house he's still sleeping with her at the least.