Possible/easy to just meet an OW???

[IsabellaMoltisantixx]

This is gonna sound a really stupid question but how easy is it for guy I meet ow when working away????

Long story short (see other post) dp is working away for 2 nights . Before he went he was acting a bit distant, not as lovey dovey it reassuring (I always get paranoid when he works away) but I did check his phone (very quickly) saw nothing on there

Now he's gone he hasn't contacted much at all but has been online LOADS on WhatsApp so my question is how would he have just got a woman's number and from the place where he's at??? Bear in mind he's never been to this place before, it's the first time he's had to go for work so not like he knows anyone there?

Would it just be easy for a guy to say go on tinder or POF or whatever n start chatting to a girl from that location n meet her? Surely it needs planning n like I said I checked phone beforehand n didn't see anything there

Just wondering if anyone has met a guy on the first day or two of talking to them. I've NEVER EVER used dating apps so I dunno how it works I'm really against them n hate the idea

I’d dump him. If your spider senses are triggering something off then it’s probably right. Don’t drive yourself insane any longer. And of course it’s very easy to meet someone on tinder etc, if a persons want to cheat then they will x

If he's using whatsapp a lot surely it means hes engaging with someone he knows in his contacts? So someone he knows already. Work colleague?

Really really quick and easy to start chatting on tinder, POF or Bumble to someone instantly. I met my partner on Bumble and went for drinks that evening - probably about an hours worth of messages exchanged tops prior to that.

Also, very easy to meet in a hotel bar or coffee shop. Lots of people don't like working in their rooms when away as so miserable, and will often eat out alone with a book or laptop to hand. I used to do it when working away as preferred being in an atmosphere rather than a hotel room.

Both JUST as easy as you meeting a single dad at the park or a swimming pool etc, or a man through work, or in a pub on one night out a year with friends. No different.

Just because he COULD, doesn't mean he's going to though 💐

Don't you want more from life for you, and your kids, than this?

(In summary OP lives with someone who is clearly unfaithful, has repeatedly said he wants to see her raped by another man as a sexual fantasy, and who she has been advised by SS not to live with because of her children..)

Oh Jesus! Following from @PatriciaHolm's summary, I'd be taking social services advice on that one!
Whether he's cheating or not, a warning like that from SS would be gospel to me.

Fucking hell ! Run OP ! What in blue blazes are you still doing him (just read previous post) . Get your Beyoncé on & fast!

Are you sure it's really a work trip?

It's so variable. I've used dating apps and some guys have wanted to see me that night! I always refuse and stop talking to them, lol. But I can't speak for other women. Some guys use them purely to try and get sexting with someone, exchanging intimate photos etc (something else I won't do!). However he could also just be talking to a friend on there. Whatsapp on it's own isn't evidence of cheating. Unless he never normally uses it but suddenly is on there 24/7, then I'd be suspicious. But then, if he's on whatsapp he definitely isn't physically with someone or he'd be offline!

I feel you need to think about why you don't trust him. You're clearly going through a hard time while he's away and it's not good to spend the whole time worrying. It's not easy but you need to try and separate insecurity from "evidence".

Eh where did that information come from?
If SS have said that him cheating on you is the least of your problems

It would be easy to do on tinder. I met someone within 24 hours (just a coffee but was offered a hook up by several others for the same evening.)

Yesterday I was contacted by someone on pof who said, I’m looking for a date for tonight! I had no photo up so he obviously wasn’t very discerning, probably contacted as many women as possible and I dare say someone took him up on it.

Craigslist is full of men saying they are in town for one night if anyone wants to hook up in their hotel etc.

He could contact someone then swap numbers and use WhatsApp. On tinder I find people want to move to texting and WhatsApp straight away as the site is prone to crashing. People on Craigslist are more likely to use kik (no numbers exchanged.)

If he is on WhatsApp day and night it is more likely to be someone he already knows though.

Why are you asking this? It’s not the capability of cheating that is the issue, it’s the mindset. If your ‘partner’ wants to cheat, and doesn’t value you or your relationship,

Sorry pressed post too soon...

If your ‘partner’ wants to cheat, and doesn’t value you or your relationship, he will cheat. It doesn’t matter how hard or easy it is, there’s always a way to find sex.

So the question really is, why are you with someone who doesn’t respect you?

OK, when I was having an affair, I'd not keep my OM as a contact in my phone. I'd keep his number safe, add him to contacts when my partner or I was away, then add him and WhatsApp him. Easily done and easily deleted.

@HowlsMovingBungalow

Yep exactly that's what I was meaning , like would it be possible to get someone's number right away from tinder or pof? I'm guessing he did that there was nothing before he left n he wasn't coming on WhatsApp now he's there he's suddenly online?!?

@PatriciaHolm

Actually I don't live with him, that's what the sw had said that I was very lucky having my own place meaning that if something kicked off I could go back to mine. I would not jeopardise losing my house. I'm aware of how unpredictable and how nasty he can be so I've chosen not to live with him

@Trinity66

About 85% sure, he did get an email he showed me saying they needed them to be stationed in this location. Apparently it's 6 weeks worth but he said he negotiated to three days so they all do shifts?
Which is better right? If he's spending less time then they requested? I guess I'm just baffled before he went wasn't online on WhatsApp only uses it to chat to me or parents but then when he got there he's been online loads like during he day then of at night!!!
Looking more n more that he had planned something but the mind boggling thing is with who?!?! He's never been there before n I'm sure there can't be ow just waiting for him?!?

How about jeopardising losing your children?

Or ruining their childhoods, and modelling shit relationships for them as adults?

Put them first for once. Get some real life help, he is ruining your life and theirs.

Fucking hell OP, listen to yourself. He's a cunt.

I work in London and plenty of people travel from around the country to stay a few nights during the week. Even without online dating options, it's so easy to meet someone else in those circumstances, easy to end up having dinner with someone else who's down for the night, very easy for that to turn into drinks and more.

I genuinely believe many of them just consider it as 2 separate lives - one in the city during the week, and one with the family at the weekends.

OP what are you doing? Spending your time posting here, picking apart his actions, going over and over the same stuff.

He is a danger to your children and you. You don't trust him and you are spending far too much brain space on him.

You need to leave.

I've tried leaving and it was hell. He took the children 50/50 and I couldn't cope being without them as I have hardly any contact with family so it's not like I have a support group
I love my kids n want to be with them everyday, last time we split he never used to contact me on purpose when he had them and he isn't a very hands on dad, very old fashioned in that way n wants the women to do everything . It was horrible for older dd and she got anxiety from it

Also the fact I do love him and want to be with him

@Bibidy

Thanks but how can you meet? Just genuinely wondering and asking because when he was single he said he found it hard to meet women so would only use dating apps which is why I'm so sure he's still using them because he's got an account with POF, Tinder and Mingle

Ive never heard of Craigslist!! Really horrible how these dating sites make it easier for them to cheat

Then you need to get some counselling.

Don't ruin your kids lives by staying with this abuser.

What will you say to your DD in 10 years time when she brings home someone just like him?

@WasFatNowThin

Wow that makes a lot of sense and is very clever , however he's in a different location , been sent to work there so if this ow is from here then would that mean he's meeting her there?? So they can spend the nights together? That's why I'm so confused because he always comes from work at the same time will ring me

Yep , you have to ask yourself if it is worth it from the child POV. Also if social services have said that he can’t live with you how is he allowed to have childcare 50/50????
You are prioritising your relationship over your own children , it’s making me feel ill. Get angry op and get a backbone. Sorry that may sound hardh but I can’t believe what I’m reading .