Possible/easy to just meet an OW???

[IsabellaMoltisantixx]

This is gonna sound a really stupid question but how easy is it for guy I meet ow when working away????

Long story short (see other post) dp is working away for 2 nights . Before he went he was acting a bit distant, not as lovey dovey it reassuring (I always get paranoid when he works away) but I did check his phone (very quickly) saw nothing on there

Now he's gone he hasn't contacted much at all but has been online LOADS on WhatsApp so my question is how would he have just got a woman's number and from the place where he's at??? Bear in mind he's never been to this place before, it's the first time he's had to go for work so not like he knows anyone there?

Would it just be easy for a guy to say go on tinder or POF or whatever n start chatting to a girl from that location n meet her? Surely it needs planning n like I said I checked phone beforehand n didn't see anything there

Just wondering if anyone has met a guy on the first day or two of talking to them. I've NEVER EVER used dating apps so I dunno how it works I'm really against them n hate the idea

OP - you don’t want to split with him because of the kids, so why doesn’t any of this matter?
Why live and be paranoid about who he is with.

And to answer your question - it’s extremely easy to cheat. Any time and any where.
He can leave his office for ‘coffee’ and see someone at a nearby hotel. He can tell you he is off to .... and go see someone. He can mask activity on any up. He can download new apps and delete them when coming home. He can meet women anywhere.

If you decided that leaving him isn’t an option - don’t torture yourself with his suspected activities.

If you do come to your senses - one day - you’ll realise that living this way is damaging. To you. To your children to watch.
Having you around 100% of the time, in this mental state - is way worse than having you two parent 50/50.
I hope you do wake up one day.

OP if you aren't going to leave him then you have to make peace with the fact he's going to cheat on you. You say you "can't" break up with him for various reasons so no one can help you. You've heard what everyone's said but you don't want to hear it. We don't know if he's cheating right now or not. There is no way to know. But you are spending all your time thinking about it. That is unhealthy. I mean this in the nicest possible way, but you need to get your own life. You can't control what he is doing so distract yourself with other things. Stop giving him all this head space. It will mess you up.

Get rid . Not worth the headspace

If he is cheating what will you do OP?

YOU HAVE A SOCIAL WORKER WHO HAS WARNED YOU ABOUT HIM.

YOU KNOW THAT'S CRAZY BAD, OFF THE CHARTS BAD, RIGHT?

Sorry for shouting, but FFS woman, this is your life here, your kids lives and you are allowing it and them to get totally and utterly fucked up.

Get advice now when he is away, get the threats and the non-returning of kids logged/documented and INSIST that he gets supervised or ZERO access to the kids

If you won't do right by the kids, give them up. give them to someone who will protect them, because you are not doing the job.

I have been in similar situations, but my ex was a pale imitation of yours,. the damage he did still casts a shadow almost 10 years on.

Who gives a fuck if he's cheating, he is a total wanker and a complete loser. let him GO! get him out of your lives

Run the fuck away if you can, but GO!

Sadly Caw women do stay with men like this and some even lose their children over it and still stay.

If OP is genuine, she isn't going to help herself and no one else will swoop in and rescue her. All we can hope is that somewhere, someone has said something that will penetrate her mind!

@hissy

They have warned me to be safe because of a past incident, but he's never harmed the kids or put them in harms way so she hasn't said it applies to them as he was taking them 50/50 before,
I was advised not to move in with him because of past damage he has caused also it's a lot more complicated because I've been threatened from my community being with someone who isn't the same race/religion as me hence why dd got involved n took everything seriously

I'm taking counselling with relate he doesn't wanna know and doesn't believe in counselling
They've placed him as a narcissist n believe he can't be with anyone because of his own past/issues

@Cawfee

Wtf I am not a troll why on earth would I be writing posts regularly I come on here because I know the advice I will receive is neutral and real. None of my friends and family like him so I can't ask them anything as they're just biased

Then what are you doing OP? Read back those last two posts. Read them back to yourself. You need rid of this man. What a ridiculous way to live.

@Hissy

How was your ex like? Please can you elaborate just wondering because you say "pale imitation of mine"

@IsabellaMoltisantixx just so I get this right , you are putting your children in jeopardy and you are busy writing threads on here to understand how easy it would be for him to find a hook on tinder

Get a grip op !!! What are you doing with your life and your children’s ???? Make the change it will be hard but you get through it , for your children’s sake!!

@Cawfee

I know it is believe me I know but last time we split I went through severe depression because in essence I also lost my dc I wasn't with them every day and that broke me,

I think people are confused when I made the SW post, I was considering moving in with him (he has his own house far away from mine and dds school owned by his parents) I was advised not to by the Sw who was already involved with my case, she said if I moved in with him he would in essence 'trap me' I know no one from that area n it's far away from friends and family also due to a past incident I reported they said it might end up dangerous for me so do not jepordise losing my house - (if I was to move in with him I would have no choice but to sell mine because I have a big mortgage that wouldn't give me any equity they told me if I did that I'd be making a mistake because I'd have nowhere to go if something did happen) so I have kept my word and stayed here
But I was adamant I wanted to still be with him and work at relationship which is why they referred me to Iris and Relate

Your poor poor children.

Another thread about this loser?
You know what we all think.

@IsabellaMoltisantixx well it’s clear he doesn’t want to “work at it” as he has declined counselling and is on WhatsApp ignoring you !! And probably shagging others. You clearly prioritise him above the care of your children , it makes me feel so sad to read all of this.

I get that you don’t like being away from your kids but why are you so adamant about the relationship? Just dump him. Go grey rock. Just don’t contact him unless he contacts you. Distance yourself. That way you get the kids the majority of the time. You don’t have to officially dump him or do a dramarama. Just quietly build your own life up until kids are old enough (11/12) that they don’t have to go see him. Do bare minimum. It doesn’t sound like he’s that bothered anyway. Don’t run around for him. How old are the DC?

@Cawfee

My eldest dd is 10 going to be 11 in two months. I don't understand so when they're 10/11 they get a choice? I was never told this from the Sw or intervention?
My youngest dd is only 10 months and I don't want her away from me especially as she's only a baby but last time he got 50/50 on older dd when she was 1 years old n he would do the same this time

He doesn’t sound like he would be a positive role model in your children’s life anyway so what are the implications if you just don’t allow contact? I assume he would have to take you to court and would he be bothered enough too? From what you’re saying I don’t think he would.

If they are mature enough at 11/12 then their views are definitely taken into account. Have you tried making a 12 year old do something they don’t want to! Rather than floundering around making assumptions and making decisions based on fear alone, book to see a family solicitor. Go get some proper advice.

You said he’s going away for work? How often does that happen? He can’t do 50/50 if he’s working away

I do really recommend you go speak to a solicitor about your options. You’ve got a SW saying you shouldn’t live with him so that would be taken into account

@cawfee
When we split the last time he didn't go away with work because he put duties first
He wants to look like model dad so he does take them but I don't think he wants to it's more to spite me I just know him too well n it was basically just for a tick ✅
He also has parents to help him out a lot too donwould sometimes palm them off on them
It's a shame as older dd is close to him n she always wants us together that's the honest truth I asked her so many times n she always said I want u n daddy together not split up
I think this was to do with not being left with him maybe? N wanting me there when she was at his house just from stuff she said, it's so sad how breakups have to affect the kids also
I'm aware that it can affect them together but there's also the other side of the coin

Just because your 10 yr old days that though, doesn’t mean you have to stay with someone you don’t love anymore. She’s not an adult and is seeing things without the benefit of an adult mind. You are the adult and should be making mature and informed decisions. You’re floundering around and not really making wise choices. Like I said, go see a solicitor. If you can’t cope being separated from your 10/11 year old then that’s also not a good, healthy way to be because she’s getting older and at some point soon should be living a life more separate from you. You sound like you really need more help and guidance on setting healthy boundaries within your relationships

Why have you started another thread?!

I wouldn’t be concerned about losing my house I’d be concerned about losing my kids to SS!

Jesus woman get a grip! You’re not going to listen to anyone here unless they tell you that he’s definitely cheating, and guess what, I bloody saw him with the OW as well. That’s what you want to hear so it doesn’t matter that most people are telling you to run for the hills or the meal doesn’t mean a thing, you’re only going to take on board those opinions that feed into what you want to hear. You must be exhausted. Where are your kids when you’re fretting over this? Surely you’ve got more important things to tending to?