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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Possible/easy to just meet an OW???

182 replies

IsabellaMoltisantixx · 25/09/2018 11:54

This is gonna sound a really stupid question but how easy is it for guy I meet ow when working away????

Long story short (see other post) dp is working away for 2 nights . Before he went he was acting a bit distant, not as lovey dovey it reassuring (I always get paranoid when he works away) but I did check his phone (very quickly) saw nothing on there

Now he's gone he hasn't contacted much at all but has been online LOADS on WhatsApp so my question is how would he have just got a woman's number and from the place where he's at??? Bear in mind he's never been to this place before, it's the first time he's had to go for work so not like he knows anyone there?

Would it just be easy for a guy to say go on tinder or POF or whatever n start chatting to a girl from that location n meet her? Surely it needs planning n like I said I checked phone beforehand n didn't see anything there

Just wondering if anyone has met a guy on the first day or two of talking to them. I've NEVER EVER used dating apps so I dunno how it works I'm really against them n hate the idea

OP posts:
Original poster
IsabellaMoltisantixx · 26/09/2018 13:16

Ok he's just messaged now after all day and yday no contact asking if I can get him from the train st how do I go about this now? I'm rubbish with getting my feelings across in txts

I want to say I don't wanna be with him cos I know he's cheated but would that sound stupid without any evidence??

OP posts:
offside · 26/09/2018 13:23

OP you’ve already proven time and again that it doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks or the advice that everyone else is giving, so just don’t what you feel is best.

SadVillageGirl · 26/09/2018 13:28

Just block him on your phone so he can't text you. Then go out and have a nice day. The sun is shining.

Zoflorabore · 26/09/2018 13:36

And we all know you will be waiting for the fucking train... I despair.

LucyMorningStar · 26/09/2018 13:42

Have you got him from the train station yet? Is it all love and kisses?

Biscuit
Hissy · 26/09/2018 13:42

Oh stop feeding this. seriously.

Notacluewhatthisis · 26/09/2018 14:01

You can't be serious. You just can't be.

Original poster
IsabellaMoltisantixx · 26/09/2018 14:12

I'm trying to ask advice here? As in what to do next, I am wanting to leave him but a bit of encouragement would be nice
I dunno what to do in these situations?

OP posts:
Original poster
IsabellaMoltisantixx · 26/09/2018 14:14

@SadVillageGirl

Ignored his txt for now will see if he texts again

OP posts:
LucyMorningStar · 26/09/2018 14:33

Plenty of advice was given. It's you sheer inability/unwillingness to take it on board that's leaving posters in despair. You seem to think you need to leave him because of his probable cheating Confused You need to leave him because he is ruining your children's lives as well as your own.

LucyMorningStar · 26/09/2018 14:35

Read this thread. That's how you approach leaving a dickhead.

MintyJones · 26/09/2018 14:39

Are you actually a real person OP? And PLEASE don't try and insinuate that I can't relate to this torrid tale of shite because I'm a fair bit older than you.

I have an 11 year old and I would move heaven and earth to protect him from damage. You're doing the opposite. So caught up in mooning over this twat of a man that you can't see the wood for the trees. Who gives a toss if he's shagging half of England? Just finish the relationship for goodness sake. Your family has been brought to the attention of SS and that is not a good thing. They've already had to advise you on not moving in with him so clearly they consider you're not particularly capable of doing the right thing for your kids

Wake up woman.

Notacluewhatthisis · 26/09/2018 15:16

You have had encouragement before.

hammeringinmyhead · 26/09/2018 15:26

What does it tell you that every time there is a thread from a complete mug mooning after an arsehole I check the username to see if it's you? (Spoiler, it is)

Please at least try and be a positive role model for your kids before they get any older.

Original poster
IsabellaMoltisantixx · 26/09/2018 15:54

sigh again getting attacked ? Why ? I am honestly not going to give him a chance this time cheating is by far the worse thing in my book

Can anyone answer how often should childcare arrangements be for a 10 month old as in how often should he take her etc can I set a limit? What is a suitable arrangement I can tell him?
.l
He will say 50/50 like last time

He will say 50/50 like he did last time

OP posts:
Notacluewhatthisis · 26/09/2018 17:34

Tell him no.

He is a danger to you and the kids.

If you actually told SS the full extent of what He has done, they would help.

I am incredulous that you feel cheating is the worst thing he can do. If you are telling the truth, you need help

Tryingforsleepthief2 · 26/09/2018 22:29

Your posts are non sensical. You are posting in infertility at the same time as saying it is over with your partner.
You say he's given you an std and cheated (yet apparently fell for his line of never climaxing with someone else as you were too special).
You now say cheating is the worst thing in your books but also that he holds down your daughter while she cries until she passes out from exhaustion; the same man who has threatened to arrange, and then watch someone rape you in your sleep and that he verbally abuses you and asks you every few minutes how many people you've slept with. And this is all since August. Jeremy Kyle's writers should hire you for their next series!

I really hope you're not a real person. One of your posts mentions being a teacher, I hope, for the youth of today that this is not true as if you are real you need some serious intervention from a councillor and not to be moulding young minds!

Original poster
IsabellaMoltisantixx · 27/09/2018 07:58

@Tryingforsleepthief2

It is all true but why are you ripping my posts apart and embellishing them for your own gain??

Those are past events that have happened since I've known him so a good fifteen years, it's not all happened at once , it's happened through the years I was posting about them as in the past.

And for the hundredth time, we were broken up when I caught the STD of him. He didn't cheat. He was actually honest n said didn't wanna get back together it was my stupidity and wishful thinking that we may have by having the odd night together.

OP posts:
LucyMorningStar · 27/09/2018 08:09

Sorry to shout but WHY DO YOU REFUSE TO AKNOWLEDGE HOW DAMAGING HE IS TO YOUR CHILDREN????????

Bloody hell...

Notacluewhatthisis · 27/09/2018 08:18

He was shagging you and other women unprotected.

Did you know that AND still consent?

Because he knew. He still put your sexual health and life at risk. But you don't think it's a big deal because you weren't technically together?

Ah well at least he wasn't cheating.Hmm

LucyMorningStar · 27/09/2018 09:27

he holds down your daughter while she cries until she passes out from exhaustion

is that for real? Angry

Original poster
IsabellaMoltisantixx · 27/09/2018 10:35

@LucyMorningStar

No that poster again has exaggerated what I said on that particular post, just read it for yourself. Can't understand why posters on here like to exaggerate stuff to make the op look almost insane and them te experts, it's a reoccurring theme on posts that are seeking out help for controlling/abusive partners.

OP posts:
Original poster
IsabellaMoltisantixx · 27/09/2018 10:54

@Notacluewhatthisis

No I didn't know that. Just a risk like any woman who has a FWB or no strings attached,

The difference is was with him for 11 years at that point so didn't think he would be ridden with stds

OP posts:
Notacluewhatthisis · 27/09/2018 11:23

I had FWB we used protection and he respected me enough to not put my life at risk. I repected myself enough to use contraception and protection.

This man you are with knew he was putting you at risk. So why do you think it's not that bad?

LucyMorningStar · 27/09/2018 11:40

I want to believe you are just emotionally immature and have been conditioned by him or other male role models (if any) you had in your childhood/youth to act in such needy and desperate manner. At least then there is a little glimmer of hope for you and your children if you take steps to change your mindset.

Otherwise you are plain daft and we all know there's no cure for that.

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