Possible/easy to just meet an OW???

[IsabellaMoltisantixx]

This is gonna sound a really stupid question but how easy is it for guy I meet ow when working away????

Long story short (see other post) dp is working away for 2 nights . Before he went he was acting a bit distant, not as lovey dovey it reassuring (I always get paranoid when he works away) but I did check his phone (very quickly) saw nothing on there

Now he's gone he hasn't contacted much at all but has been online LOADS on WhatsApp so my question is how would he have just got a woman's number and from the place where he's at??? Bear in mind he's never been to this place before, it's the first time he's had to go for work so not like he knows anyone there?

Would it just be easy for a guy to say go on tinder or POF or whatever n start chatting to a girl from that location n meet her? Surely it needs planning n like I said I checked phone beforehand n didn't see anything there

Just wondering if anyone has met a guy on the first day or two of talking to them. I've NEVER EVER used dating apps so I dunno how it works I'm really against them n hate the idea

Hang on, where are the kids when you’re staying at his house? If they are with you, are SS aware?

You say you went to hell and back to have your DD but you don’t seem so hellbent on keeping your children, you’re putting your relationship and need not to be a lone parent way ahead of your kids.

You’ve started at least 2 threads on the cheating theme and everyone is telling you the same thing.

And it doesn’t matter how old you are, it is quite an insult to younger people to blame it on the fact you may not be old enough to understand the gravity of the environment you are allowing your children to be around, it’s about common sense and protecting vulnerable children - please don’t let them be messed up and have as low self esteem as you, give them someone and something to look up to and make a positive example for them. And for the love of God please do not have any more children with this man.

Op is mid thirties.

Thread after thread the same and then one about ttc another child with this dickhead. Posting for advice that is completely ignored and move on to the next thread about something else he's doing.

I'm mid thirties. And I wouldn't put up with a boyfriend doing any ONE of these things.

It doesn't matter if you've got photos, the sex tape in HD and a handwritten and signed confession from him, does it? You won't leave him, and if you confront him he'll be abusive, and you'll stay and you'll write more posts on mumsnet.

This is really upsetting me to read. Your poor, poor kids.

I meant to say 16 year old me wouldn't put up with it.

Nor 18, 22, 25 or 30 year old me.

Pretty sure 90 year old me would push him off his stannah with my walking frame, too.

What other excuses will you make for your abysmal decisions to stay with him?

Oh ffs don't have any more children! The ones you've got already are suffering, why bring any more into your twisted fucked up world??? Seriously though, get professional help. It makes me sick reading your posts. Get help.

I feel I must clarify. I am 32. It's not your bf's sexual preferences that make me feel sick when reading your posts. It's the fact you're refusing to put your children first and pretending to be dumb and 'naive' or whatever and making excuses for wanting to be with him. Never seen so much drivel coming out of somebody's mouth before, honestly.

Oooh, I've never been so mean to anyone on MN before but there's the first time for everything.

I don’t understand why you are pretending you need to ‘catch him out’ cheating.

He’s already given you an std and you already know he’s cheating, complete with all the nasty IMs you read to/from the other woman about you.

You’ve already been there and done that. A couple of months ago I think?

Soooo, you’re obviously pretending that you ‘need’ this proof, or this one last slap in the face to make you react to him.

Who are you pretending to?
Us?
Your friends?
Ss and their counselling recommendations? Or yourself?

I actually hope you are laughing at us stupido posters, because the way you are treating yourself is awful. Degrading. And even worse, your children are drinking all this in...

I've not had any sleep, hardly eaten for the posters who are being harsh he's checked out of the relationship anyway trust me even if I plead with him to stay he won't - had no txt or call no contact after me mentioning his behaviour was suspicious so go ahead I'm sure you know what that means,
I'm heartbroken for my kids not just me he didn't ask to speak to them or ask how they are. I'm honestly in shock. I actually started thinking at one point I was just being paranoid analysing everything n to leave it but yesterday no contact st all I'm in bits il just so scared to make that final hurdle now

@WellThisIsShit

Just to clarify, that was when we were on a break all that happened we had broken up but he was still seeing me I even said in that post I took all blame as that was expected going with him when I knew full well he was sleeping around
He actually has only cheated very early on I to our relationship n was very sorry about it we were young n immature anyway but tbf in the 15 years Iv been with him I've never had concrete evidence of him cheating that's why I'm so broken by his behaviour

Well thank god for that. I hope he does leave. How sad that the abusive bastard is doing the right thing rather than you having the power ans satisfaction of kicking that disgusting std ridden piece of shit out of your life. Your kids deserve him gone; you need him out of your life.

Posters are being harsh???? why do you think that is?

The thing is it doesn’t matter if he’s cheating. He probably is, and to answer your question yes it’s easy to get laid if you’re half decent looking or want to pay for it,

But you are with a man who is aggressive, abusive, unfaithful, a liar, you don’t have a connection with, you aren’t happy with and who is a negative in your life and your children’s lives.

I genuinely hope you understand you could have someone different who treats you with love and respect. I don’t even consider checking my partners phone. I just don’t have to. You can find a partner who is an equal in the relationship.

But to do that you first need to have the courage and strength to leave such a damaging relationship, get help dealing with him in the aftermath and sorting out custody etc. I know it’s hard but is this what you want your life to be? Is this what you want to model to your daughter as a relationship?

@Nagsnovalballs

How is it the right thing if he's ignoring me? Cheating on me? Giving me no explanation, he's not bothered to text , even call for the kids sake I'm more upset about that. My eldest dd is constantly asking what can I say? I just feel broken

Broken fucking record springs to mind.

Best of luck to you OP, You NEED to seek out professional help.

I also think it's a good thing he is ignoring you. Not your children. You.

There is no excuse for him ignoring his children so I get why you're upset over that.

Problem is op, you would take him back in a heartbeat. That much is obvious to me. I know very little about the situation but could guarantee you would welcome him back, whether or not that's down to you being utterly stupid or scared of being alone, I don't know.

What alarmed me is where you said you wouldn't want to jeopardise your home. No mention of the kids. I wrote this yesterday and am still shocked that you are/were seemingly more concerned about the house. Fuck the house. Think of your kids. Actually, think of yourself too.
Think of your dd being in this situation when older. What would you say to her? Then take your own advice.

You only have one life, you're currently close to messing up not only your own life but that of your children. Make a clean break, be happy, you do not need a partner for that. Find yourself and have faith in your abilities.

Please don't take any more of his crap. Today is a new day. Start living it.

If you come back in a month saying that your children have been removed ( worst case scenario ) and extreme I know, I doubt many posters would be sympathetic at all.

This is your wake up call.

Ignoring all the other things you have said (everyone else seems to have covered those bits very well), i am actually offended that you are "against" dating apps and being a single parent. I think these things are the least of your worries to be honest.

I NEVER wanted, or expected to be a single parent but hey, here I am because my husband couldn't keep it in his pants. Do you know what? I may be a single mum but am twice the parents you two seem to be together. Even though my ex had an affair and hurt me to my core, we manage to co-parent very well because that's what adults who choose to have children together do. None of this is ever the children's fault.

Oh, I also met a lovely man online over the summer and am very happy. They do exist and not every man (or woman, because we are capable too) go online just to have sex with someone.

@Zoflorabore

‭ Problem is op, you would take him back in a heartbeat. That much is obvious to me. I know very little about the situation but could guarantee you would welcome him back, whether or not that's down to you being utterly stupid or scared of being alone, I don't know.

I think scared of being alone 😢

But alone is so much better and healthier than with someone who disrespects you and makes you feel alone anyway. I am less lonely now than the past few weeks with my husband when he was having an affair.

@Sunshineandflipflops

Wow I didn't mean to cause offence about dating apps!! I just find them odd, I think it's cos the bf put me off how you have to talk to so many people some don't reply back some do, it would it's almost like a meat market,
I did try using them but it was just too much. My now ex was always on them different ones n it just seemed so desperate so I was put off

I think I'd only do a paid one just to filter out the desperados

@Sunshineandflipflop
But I think you missed my point. He was not coperating as a co parent
He would purposely take them without even a word and if I said something like "she's ill today so just keep a look out please" I'd get abuse thrown at me along the lines of "don't tell me how to raise my kids" this is what it was like
It was so exhausting I'd have panic attacks on the days he was picking them all I wanted to know was were they ok, I didn't want them ignored or just tossed aside but he seemed to be just taking them for the sake of it so he's do his dad duty. It's hard to explain but there was like no love from him for them at all

'It's hard to explain but there was like no love from him for them at all'

So why on earth do you want this man around your children? I'm sorry, I just don't get it at all as a mum that you would think so little of yourself to settle for this for you and your children.

I'm so confused - are they his kids? And are you not 34, so not that young?

I'm younger than you and find his remarks disgusting, it's nothing to do with age.

Is there any point at which you might eventually grow a spine and actually think about your children?

OP you have been in an abusive relationship for years. So was I. I have told you my story before. I name change regularly because the ex knows I am on here.

I have sympathy for you. But at some point you need to stop putting your needs I front of your kids well being. You Can come up with all the excuses in the world about being scared to be alone, being naive etc.

What scares you more, being alone but having your children or being completely alone. Because unless you are an accomplished liar SS know you don't have the capability to protect your children and you will, at some point lose them.

He may have lost interest. Hopefully that's permanent. But if it's not you would take him back in a heart beat.

I’ve just read this thread and I feel ill, your poor daughters. You are setting them up for the same when they are older, does that not worry you???? How would you feel if your eldest daughter came home and told you her bf said he’d like to see her raped - does this genuinely not ring alarm bells to you? I haven’t even read your other threads but this one has upset me so much I don’t think I could.

You’re blaming age and/or naivety on your —awful— decisions and wondering if in 10 years you’ll think differently, please don’t put your daughters through another 10 years of this it’s awful. I am 1 year older than you and I honestly don’t know of anyone who would put up with any of this. You say your eldest wants you together, it’s probably because she can’t bare to see you “heartbroken” and not eating.

My own father was abysmal, for the 8 years he lived with us my mum was trying to get us away from him and even with her actively trying to get away and succeeding it still left me with huge issues. I went to stay with him at weekends until I discovered I didn’t have to and could say no, I physically vomited with relief when I was told I didn’t have to see him. I was about 8/9 at the time so yes your daughters wishes will be heard, I’m sure they would be taken into account along with the social workers account if any decisions for contact were made about your youngest.

I am just dumbfounded you’re worried he’s cheating, really I’m gobsmacked.