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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I just added myself to fb chat with dh and ow

999 replies

MissMarpleMyArse · 19/09/2018 21:15

I'm fucking fuming. I posted recently
About dh's suspect WhatsApp activity. It all stopped but I have been keeping an eye on his phone. This afternoon when he went to the toilet I clicked his apps and saw messenger was open. I've just had the chance to snoop again while he's in the shower and found messages between him and our friend (we aren't that close with her. - well I'm not). Loads of sexual stuff. I just added myself to the conversation and said 'wow I don't see that coming'
I'm upstairs now. Neither of them have read it yet.

OP posts:
NC15 · 20/09/2018 08:25

@MissMarpleMyArse

OP you are my fucking hero. You can absolutely do this what an absolute bastard.

MsJolly · 20/09/2018 08:28

Fucking hell OP-you rock! Well done for chucking the cheating bastard out. Look after yourself today Flowers

Nicknamesalltaken · 20/09/2018 08:30

I’d like to buy you a drink 🥃 . Massive respect to you OP.

Expect a rollercoaster and some grieving. (Have been through similar but not the same). As someone on the other side of this shit, you will be ok.

Look after yourself. Flowers

TulipsInBloom1 · 20/09/2018 08:35

Bloody hell! If ever there was a right way to handle this; this is it. Well done OP and sorry he is such a cunt.

HereIgoagainxx · 20/09/2018 08:35

Hope you are ok, op. At some point the adrenaline dries up and reality kicks in. glad you have your mum with you. Let everyone know what he did. So often the cheated on take on the shame. It belongs with him. Hope he feels utterly dreadful.

itdoesntmatterwhereimfrom · 20/09/2018 08:36

I salute you! What a woman x

Karigan198 · 20/09/2018 08:37

Well done! Total respect to you. Stay strong. It will hurt but you will end up stronger and happier

BarryTheKestrel · 20/09/2018 08:41

@MissMarpleMyArse you are incredible.

Today will be so hard for you, in the cold light of day it's always worse. You have your mum and you have support from all of us. Do not listen to his apologies, do not back down.

Alfiemoon1 · 20/09/2018 08:41

You handled it brilliantly op well done hope you got some sleep and are ok this morning

hellsbellsmelons · 20/09/2018 08:42

Oh OP this is horrendous and you've handled it amazingly well.
I went through exactly the same thing a year and a half ago.
I never did get the big crash but it still hurts now.
I'm so glad your mum is with you.
I had to do it alone.
So glad you also told her DH. Poor bloke but he had to know the truth.
Now make sure you drink sugary drinks and keep hydrated.
Hand holding.

And a massive 'YOU ARE AWESOME'!!!!

Lauren0rder · 20/09/2018 08:50

Hope you are ok this morning.
So pleased your mum could come over and be with you.

You will probably be in shock today but you are amazing and I wish you all the best.

Rosiepicnic · 20/09/2018 08:50

You handled that amazingly, I went through the same thing a couple of months ago & only wish I had thought to do that!

You are going to have so many ups & downs now but sounds like your mom is ace, use that support whenever you need to. My mom has been an absolute rock to me & kept me sane through the bad days

Allycumpooster · 20/09/2018 08:54

I have slung a man out by packing his stuff into a bin bag and changing the locks. I didn’t feel brave or strong I felt like a complete shit at the time.
Years later I’m proud of myself and I don’t have an ounce of guilt but at the time he kept insisting that it was all my fault and I’d ruined his life.
My and advice at this time is just keep on keeping on. The fog will clear and you will feel great, in the mean time remember that we all know that you are in the right.

TrumpsTinyCheesyWotsit · 20/09/2018 08:57

OP, you are brilliant! I really hope you and your mum had a good talk to try and help get your head straight. Good luck moving forward without that wankbadger holding you back.

fortheloveofgumball · 20/09/2018 09:01
Flowers
loobywench · 20/09/2018 09:02

You are amazing Flowers

SparklyMagpie · 20/09/2018 09:08

There are no words - incredible!

Stay strong OP Flowers

binkyblinky · 20/09/2018 09:09

I didn't realise
Wonder Woman uses MumsNet, but here she is! OP you are incredible and we are all
Behind you. Keep strong! You will come out of this smelling of roses. Those two will be showered in shit.

Praying for you xxx

geologyrocks · 20/09/2018 09:17

I'm actually in awe of you. What a brave strong women you are xx

KatnissMellark · 20/09/2018 09:26

Wow OP. I hope you're feeling ok today Flowers

PurpleMac · 20/09/2018 09:31
Flowers
Original poster
MissMarpleMyArse · 20/09/2018 09:35

Morning all. I didn't go to sleep until about 5 but managed 4 hours. It hit me like a lorry when I remembered but your messages have really picked me up, thank you.
My mum took my phone last night. She said he has sent a million messages saying he is sorry and nothing physical happened. She deleted them all, I can see her reply saying she has my phone so he can stop sending his pathetic excuses for his disgusting behaviour with that strumpet (!!). She said she will reply to texts about the children or money but delete anything else.
She took the kids to school and called in to work for me so I don't have to think about anything else for a few hours.
I haven't heard from ow or her husband.
Apparently our plan today is to put all his stuff in a suitcase and she will take it to his mums, then scan all of our paperwork.
You were all right saying I would crash after the adrenaline wore off, but mum is being amazing.
Thanks again for all the support, I will repeat the mantra someone posted. He's not sorry he did this, just sorry he got caught.
And what has just occurred to me, and fucked me right off, is that he let me think I was going mad for months. Cruel evil bastard. Xx
I have to give my phone back to her now. I feel about 10!

OP posts:
woolduvet · 20/09/2018 09:38

There aren't the words to tell you how well you're doing and that he doesn't deserve you.

BeUpStanding · 20/09/2018 09:38

Your mum is amazing! Now that is how you treat a lying, cheating scumbag.

Troels · 20/09/2018 09:39

Your Mums a star Star

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