I just added myself to fb chat with dh and ow

[MissMarpleMyArse]

I'm fucking fuming. I posted recently
About dh's suspect WhatsApp activity. It all stopped but I have been keeping an eye on his phone. This afternoon when he went to the toilet I clicked his apps and saw messenger was open. I've just had the chance to snoop again while he's in the shower and found messages between him and our friend (we aren't that close with her. - well I'm not). Loads of sexual stuff. I just added myself to the conversation and said 'wow I don't see that coming'
I'm upstairs now. Neither of them have read it yet.

*i dont hold with people that say you shouldn't be angry at the woman that was meant to say

I’ve just read the whole thread now and I just want to say how brilliant you are OP - you’re much stronger than you realise and you can do this, for you and your daughters. Of course you’re going to feel sad, angry, betrayed, disgusted, sick, and a whole host of other negative emotions, but if you keep the moral high ground and continue to be so fantastic and strong, you will be setting a wonderful example to your DDs about how not to let anyone walk over you!

He just text back - 'you do realise that you have just ruined any chance of us sorting this out'
I replied yeah that's right. I ruined it. All my fault. You poor innocent thing.
........

He is one prize arsehole! You are well rid.
There are good times ahead for you.

Yeah you're all right. I need to stop now. You can see why my mum had my phone!
Blisteringly angry is a good way of describing this feeling! And I'm glad other people raged at the ow.
I'm going to take the dog out in the pissing rain. Then get some shopping as I have some friends coming over tonight. It was pre arranged but I think it will do me good.
Thanks so much again for all of your support and for telling me your experiences. X

New thread needed OP

Save your rage for your (D)H he was the one that you were in a relationship with.

OP please don’t text anything else to OW, she could take it to the police and accuse you of harassing her. Just don’t do it.

You’re completely justified on feeling how you are and wanting to make her face the consequences of her actions. But really it won’t help at all, don’t give her anything to use against you.

The way you feel is totally normal. Ups downs and round and round. Imagine it as a spiral and upset isnt a step back. It WILL get better xx

so much strength

I am very pleased that you have friends coming over. Please don’t cancel!!! Definitely tell ALL your friends and show them the messages. He is going to have no allies here, and you need all the friends and support you can get!
(Also, the wanker is going to be trying to make it look like you’re going crazy and that he’s he good guy here...)

Hopefully she wil lose customers now, small bit of revenge gloating totally acceptable imo.
Her other punishment may be getting stuck with your sorry excuse for a dh.

Use the anger, when he tries to get round you or sweet talk you, remember this feeling. Remember how awful he’s made you feel. Remember the look in your DDs eyes when you told them. Remember all of it. And use it to stop him causing you any more pain.

I don’t blame you one bit for your message to her. She knew too. Yes, he’s the one who’s betrayed you the most, but she has to so you were entitled to that.

Head up, shoulders back, game face on.

You can do this.

(Also, it’s alright to be a heap on the floor when you’re not having to be strong, I didn’t mean that it’s not, it totally is.)

You're well rid of him, the twunt. They deserve everything that's coming to them. Stay strong, OP.

OP hang in there - I can’t advise on what to tell the girls as mine were much younger but I will say that I have always been careful not to slag him off and I will never lie to my children. They just don’t need the ugly bits.

I hope you find a balance.

Big hugs

MissMarple - I am a couple of months down the line of separation. H denied OW (of course) but she is there. I understand your pain and the simultaneous love/hate thing and fear of him not being there. But he does not deserve you. He has been a sneaky, lying shit bag and there is no way back from that. Good luck.

and sorry as I know this is a very serious situation.....but "fish fingers" made me howl.

Hope you're DD's are ok

Fish fingers OMG that's brilliant. If I was his mum I'd be so ashamed. I'd be ringing you up to apologise on his behalf! But I don't think you'll hear from him. Mothers tend to drop the ex-in laws pretty fast in my experience which is a shame especially if there is grandchildren. Hopefully it won't happen in your situation buto I'd zero the expectations tbh.

Plus the OW needs to be told she's a dirty rat bag. Needs her knickers to be washed for fucks sake...but hey how...let the dregs sink to the bottom and rot there. You are done!!

Btw... you have nothing to regret about!! FFS. Makes me bloomin mad...what...telling fish fingers some home truths?! Well it HAD to be done!! FFS!!

Definitely need a night with friends. They'll do you the world of good.

I messaged my ex’s mum once to tell her why I had kicked him out. Even showed her the photos of the bruises I had that prompted it. Her response was to block me then lie saying I was violent in court. Don’t bother with the mum as they always back their sons in my experience

It amazes me how many of us go through this. I am really drawing strength from all of you who are going through it or have been through it and come out of the other side.
My girls had arranged to go to friends tonight as I have my friends coming. I did say that maybe we should cancel and have an evening together, but my eldest and her friends are throwing a surprise party for their friend that she said she wouldn't want to miss. And the youngest is going to a new dessert bar and doesn't want to miss it either. They haven't said anything more to me but I hope they are going to be ok.
I'm not going to contact his mum as from what you say she is just going to side with him. I don't even know what he's told her, I don't really care. It won't make a bit of difference to my life if I never see her again!

Please start a new thread as this will soon expire and I want to follow/admire your strength through all adversity.

Ok. I'll start a new one tomorrow. I treated myself to a nice bath bomb so I'm off to try and relax before my friends come. Think dh and ow will have burning ears tonight!

Just found this thread,what an incredible woman you are. Sending you strength.