I just added myself to fb chat with dh and ow

[MissMarpleMyArse]

I'm fucking fuming. I posted recently
About dh's suspect WhatsApp activity. It all stopped but I have been keeping an eye on his phone. This afternoon when he went to the toilet I clicked his apps and saw messenger was open. I've just had the chance to snoop again while he's in the shower and found messages between him and our friend (we aren't that close with her. - well I'm not). Loads of sexual stuff. I just added myself to the conversation and said 'wow I don't see that coming'
I'm upstairs now. Neither of them have read it yet.

you ruined it...(!) wow. Just wow. Honestly it sounds as though you can do so, so much better than him OP. What a stupid deluded knob.

My word, he is an entitled twat, isn't he? Sorting things out? Yeah you are - but not in the way he wants!

When you add someone to a fb group chat, they can see all the messages right from the start.

That's not right is it? It's not what happens when we add people at work to the group chat.

Yes it is. On WhatsApp they don't see earlier chats but on fb messenger they do.

Why are some men so fucking predictable. Well done OP - you’ve been honest with your daughters without giving too much detail. Of course your twat of a husband isn’t happy, he can’t manipulate them into feeling sorry for him now.

After I split with my ex, I found rage journal writing to the OW fairly therapeutic. There’s nothing to be gained in actually talking to her, but getting it out on paper did help, just burn it when you’re done.

I just found the slags phone number. Wasn't hard to find it as she is mobile hairdresser. (Couldn't give a fuck if I out her). Added her to my phone and sent her a message on WhatsApp telling her thank you for for fucking up my whole whole family with your fucking pants and your fish fingers, and my stupid slow wanking prick if busband. Asked her if her husband has forgiven her and I really hope he's kicked her scrawny little arse out on the street.
I'll probably regret this in an hour but it feels good now.

Shit! That's new knowledge! Didn't use to be the case.

Christ there's some stuff gone down on that group

I think you will regret it, but i comoketely understand your anger.

You're my actual hero, Marple. You're doing everything I didn't have the guts to do and wish I had!!!!!!!

They already had all of the fb chat because it was theirs. Just the 2 of them at that point. I made it a group chat on his phone and added myself. But if people want to accuse me of making all this up then crack on.
I'm taking the dog out to try and calm down a bit.

Don't regret texting her, there's only two people that should have regrets, you've done nothing wrong

Op you and your Mum are clearly towers of strength, showing your daughters what women of integrity look like .
Sadly typical the way your husband has made it YOUR fault... “you made it reality” etc..and has the bare arsed cheek to be angry that his Mum and the ow’s husband now know. Making you feel for months as though you were going mad.
These are for you , very sorry you are dealing with this.

Op, I get why you feel like this, but don't misdirect your anger at her. He cheated on you, he gaslighted you, she didn't. Aim it all at him.

I think you're allowed a message (or two) like that at this point. You have been the victim of these two here and your husband is now behaving like a prize twat-plus you've just had to have a conversation with your kids, that no one ever wants to have to, alone and it's hugely unfair-none if this is your fault.
That said try-and believe me I know how hard it is-I didn't always succeed-to avoid contacting her like that going forwards. It probably won't bother her that much (we already know she isn't nice so why would it?), and it will give fuel to the fire in terms of what the two of them now go around saying about you, in terms of how they justify their own behaviour. There will no doubt be a lot of talk about you being horrible and mad, and all the other ways in which people in these situations try to bad mouth the victim to give themselves a bit of credence and gain sympathy from others.
From now on where they've gone low, you must go high. A month, two, a year down the line-you will be proud that you did and it will help you in terms of negotiating divorce etc to be an ice queen (or appear to be). It will certainly wrongfoot that weasel you were married to. There is ive satisfaction to be had from that.
I'm not surprised you were raging this morning. The pressure of having that conversation plus your h's horrible attitude of entitlement would push any one over the edge-But Come on here to vent. It's where MN comes in to its own.
Hope your girls are ok x

OK, you’ve said your piece.

Please delete and block her.

She can’t be your focus now.

You and your DDs are the important ones in this.

Prepare to crash and grieve now. God, I remember that day. But it was just one day. Let it come and look after yourself.

It's pissing down. I'll take the dog out later. Plus I've just collapsed in a heap crying so I look like a freak now.
I am angry at her. Soooo angry. I want her life to be ruined like mine has. I can't even speak to my husband, I'm dreading seeing him. I love him and hate him at the same time. What is really messing me up is that when I need a hug or someone to have my back it's always him. I just feel so alone.

I gave my ex both barrels, the ow too. It felt good to air my anger and emphasise the moral high ground that I held. I only done this once to get it off my chest. I don’t regret it. But I wouldn’t send anything more op she can report you to the police for harassment if you do . I’d just block her number now.

Wishing you strength , you’re doing brilliantly 💛 xx

Nothing clever to add but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry OP, and I think this time next year life will be looking a lot rosier

I can't believe he's made you out to be the bad one here. ' YOU do realise you've destroyed any chance of us sorting this out?'

????!!!!!!!!!!! I'd be fucking fuming too OP!!!!!!!!!!!!

You bastard, you emotionally cheated on me. A fantasy is something that plays out in your head!!! YOU are the one that has destroyed any chance of us being together. You should never have started talking to someone else's wife. You should never have lied to me. You should never have made me feel like I was being paranoid or going mad. You should never have been deceitful. You should never have jeopardised our marriage and your relationship with our children. You utter utter UTTER cunt!!!!

Also my dog got walked about 6 Times a day at this point. I was so blisteringly angry that I couldn't sit still. The dog loved it-I remember it as being fucking awful.

Oh Sweetie, I wish I could give you a hug. I wish you weren’t put in this position in the first place. You sound fabulous and nobody deserves to feel this shit.
I am glad you have vented to OW, but you need to stop now. I am concerned it could bite you on the bum if you continue. Let’s face it, if she hasn’t got enough of a conscience to keep her festy fish fingers to herself, she’s not going to feel terribly guilty. She will do the same thing your husband has and behave as though she is the victim of YOUR behaviour. If you keep going you could end up with the police at your door, or a letter from her solicitor that could affect your future employment prospects. Don’t do that to yourself, or give them the satisfaction.

I'm very sorry you are going through this OP . Stay strong.

Agree with others delete her number
Maintain the moral high ground

What justilou1 said.

I know. But you aren't alone op. You've got a lovely mum and your two DD's. You're entitled to a cry. Absolutely.
But later on grab a child or both-go out for dinner. Or to the pictures. Anything really that's just you and them. You need to create a new unit now that doesn't include him as fucking awful as that seems.
And it's fine to be angry at her. She deserves it. I don't hold with people that say you should be angry at the woman involved. She knew you were married and she knew what she was doing, just as much as your h did. But will it bother her how you feel? Probably not unfortunately-which is why I'd say don't message her again-keep your dignity and be above her-it's the thing that will probably bother her the most.