If your husband was cheating, would you want to know?

[astrid20]

I have very good evidence that my male colleague is having an affair with another colleague. It's only a small office and they are very cosy; going for lunch together and to the gym.

I have seen them leaving the office together very late, after he made a show that he was going home. I sit next to the guy and have seen them messaging during work hours and she once let it slip that he had given her a lift home from a work event.

I live near to her and yesterday morning when cycling to work I saw them leave her house together, although they walked in to work separately.

I know the guy is married and that his wife has just given birth to their second child. The woman is single.

I despise cheaters and it makes me mad that other colleagues think this guy is a real family man.

If you were the wife in this situation would you really want to know? Would you believe an anonymous tip off?

Yes, yes and yes

I would want to know but also supplying any evidence you can that would make it easy for the wife to confirm as I’ve seen many threads on here where the wife can’t find the evidence so assumes it’s an irked colleague .

Please not anonymously. .
She needs to accept the truth from a face not a paper.

I found out because of a tip off. I agree evidence is very important as my stbx denied most of it and we stayed together for another 3 years. I’ve just caught him cheating with someone else.

I'd want to know.

Just the facts. I wouldn't want an emotional crutch from a stranger.

On the other hand it’s none of your business and you will be seen as a busybody and hated forever more. Sorry to be so blunt but that’s how I feel about the person who tipped me off. Being in a relationship with a serial cheater really messes with your head.

I would want to know but I would want evidence.

Please yes,, she needs to know. I was 'the last to know" when it happened to me, and it's the worst feeling ever. Write to her and tell her what is happening - she needs to know. Anonymously is fine, or in person, it doesn't matter. Just do it.

I thought affairs were rare until Mumsnet! What the hell is he playing at! I would want to know but I probably wouldn't believe you.

I was hoping I could perhaps send an anonymous note and that this would lead his wife to do her own digging. The thing is when all of these events are said separately they sound like nothing, but together they amount to something. As I spend so much time in his/her vicinity I feel like I get the 'vibe' between them if this makes sense? But that's hard to express on paper or in an email.

She won't believe you, and it's none of your business anyway. Don't get involved.

I think you should leave well alone if you’re at all unsure.

Sending an anonymous note based on nothing more than a 'vibe' is cruel and unhelpful.

I'm not unsure... why else would they leave her house together?

I'm saying that the 'vibe' is on top of all the other events.

Another example:

We have a changing room upstairs in our office for people that cycle run etc.

I was working late. She told me/him was going home and left the office. A few minutes later he got up to go and get changed (he cycles). I left about 20 minutes later and when I went to get in the lift, both of them were already in there having come from upstairs - he was coming in the office to get his bike and she was going out to the ground floor. Both looked quite surprised and she just said she had been upstairs using the toilet?

There's nothing upstairs other than a locked office and a bathroom/changing room. What else could they have been doing?

The wife probably does need to know, even if she doesn't want to know. But she won't appreciate you for providing the information. Nor will your employer or colleagues value your interference. If you do this openly, have another job ready to go to.

Yes, I'd definitely want to know. But she'll need "evidence" - I guess you can literally print this thread out and send to her so she can see all the things you've described. But he might still be able to worm his way out of all it.

Tell her. She deserves to know she's with a dickhead. Never understand the ones that say don't.

Have you considered the fallout at work for you if your actions come to light. He could deny it, she could deny it and the wife may choose to believe them. Could they then make trouble for you with your employer? The wife may decide you have been malicious and insist it is reported to HR.

There is a lot of risk for you OP. Please decide if it is worth it for you.

Why do you even care? What’s it to do with you?

The problem is she may accept what your saying but they could work it out stay together then you have to work with him and the other women in a bad situation.
I would confront him about it and see what he has to say.

I'd want to know but only if the person told me via phone or face to face and did it by a proper conversation

I care because I know his wife, I've done babysitting for them before and she doesn't deserve it. I've also been cheated on and I wanted to know.

I care because I know his wife, I've done babysitting for them before and she doesn't deserve it. I've also been cheated on and I wanted to know.

OP - you sound obsessed, somehow. Did someone cheat on you in the past?

Even if he is having an affair - all your evidence is them being together in public is circumstantial and can be explained.
Even the morning sighting - he’ll say - a colleague needed help with X,Y, Z; and he was being a friend.

So - all you’ll achieve by writing down these sightings of the two of them - and forwarding them to his wife - is the following:
He’ll explain everything away. You’ll be branded unhinged. His W will worry but not know for sure. And given that she just gave birth - it’s a cruel thing to do to her.