If your husband was cheating, would you want to know?

[astrid20]

I have very good evidence that my male colleague is having an affair with another colleague. It's only a small office and they are very cosy; going for lunch together and to the gym.

I have seen them leaving the office together very late, after he made a show that he was going home. I sit next to the guy and have seen them messaging during work hours and she once let it slip that he had given her a lift home from a work event.

I live near to her and yesterday morning when cycling to work I saw them leave her house together, although they walked in to work separately.

I know the guy is married and that his wife has just given birth to their second child. The woman is single.

I despise cheaters and it makes me mad that other colleagues think this guy is a real family man.

If you were the wife in this situation would you really want to know? Would you believe an anonymous tip off?

Bluntness, I’m not stretching anything, just stating the facts of what the op has already said herself, and answering posters who have directly asked me questions in their posts.

You keep stretching it

But imagining a scenario where the wife commits suicide on being told isn't 'stretching it'? Oh come on.

If you read her posts she specifically states there is a bathroom changing room up there. Then she says there isn't.

It seems there is a loo up there and she may have used it whilst there. She may prefer that one, or she may have went up to speak to him about something, or someone could have been in the main one and she was desperate.

I very much doubt she said she's useused the loo if there was none there. So my money is on there is one there.

Does it matter though, I mean seriously no one can be thinking they had a quick shag up there as the obvious explanation. And In twenty mins they'd shagged, he'd got changed into his cycling gear and packed his stuff away and she'd tided herself up. I mean seriously. It's so unlikely. Especially when you consider by the time she got up there it was probably less than ten mins.

@Bluntness100 there is a bathroom as in shower, there's no toilet. I said this further on. The toilets are on our office floor.

* Especially when you consider by the time she got up there it was probably less than ten mins*
Erm it’s up only one floor ? 10 mins to go up one floor? Righto

I'm actually crying with laughter reading all this. Lol It all escalated very quickly!!

Regardless of whether they did or didnt, 10 mins is still more than enough time for a quickie and to smarten up. In the heat of the moment and all day flirtation and lust, he probably only lasted like 20 seconds!!!

Tell his wife if you must get involved but PLEASE don't do it anonymously.

As the recipient of 8 anonymous letters over the course of 18 months, which cryptically alluded to my DH shagging about, and ultimately led to me having a nervous breakdown, I can assure you that anonymous letters are not helpful in any way.

DH had a very similar situation at his workplace. A few of his colleagues were joking about saying these people were having an affair but never confronted anybody or told their spouses.

It all came out in the end anyway. Had been going on for about 6 months. The man in the affair got to keep his highly paid director job and his wife fought to stay with him. The woman ended up resigning and her husband left her.

And these people were shagging at work in the stationery cupboard classy and had created a story about training at the gym after work for a pretend marathon they were running together. It does happen.

Fgs OP so they have a close working relationship to which you are excluded no wonder
How do you know anything? You don't actually do you?
Unbelievably judgemental.
I do hope you are wrong. Not everyone cheats you know?

I think you should leave it alone. I would rather not know if it was my husband.

I'm struggling to believe op that this woman said to you she went upstairs to use the loo when there is no loo. Either she has additional needs, or you're making shit up. Because people might lie and say unbelievable stuff, but they'd have to be fairly special to make stuff up that isn't actually possible.

And yes the judgement is horrific, but there is a couple of posters gleefully joining in with that judgement and rubbing their hands in relish at the thought of this wife being told something that the op has absolutely no evidence of.

These are real people. There are children involved, you don't fuck with their lives unless you no for sure. And even then it's subjective if sending anonymous letters is remotely helpful.

Know not no!

I feel like this whole thread escalated quickly! As said before I'm not going to say anything in case I'm wrong.

Although I do think some posters here are a little bit naive. There isn't any need for them to have a close working relationship by the way, they're in totally different departments that don't work with each other. Of course affairs in the office happen all the time.

Either she has additional needs I think it’s pretty obvious that this ow definitely does have “additional needs” and those that clearly involve someone else’s husband...

OP do what you feel best. It’s hard being caught of the middle of it and puts you in awakward place morally and with work. For what it’s worth I totally think you got the whole thing correct and I definitely won’t accuse you of “making shit up” .

I think it’s pretty obvious that this ow definitely does have “additional needs” and those that clearly involve someone else’s husband

Ouch! Want a saucer of milk ?

Op, to be clear. No one is saying they are not. So no,, no one is naive. What's being said is you and us don't know.

Well apart from a couple of posters who apparantly know even better than you do.

No one is saying they are not. So no,, no one is naive.
You are one conflicted poster, a few minutes earlier you accused the op of “making shit up” and now you’re saying that no one is naive ? Well which one is it?

About the toilets. Nothing else. I'm not remotely conflicted and all along I've said this may be innocent and. The op doesn't know.

Are you pissed off because the ops not going to tell and try to ruin this woman's life?

My friend was suspicious that her husband was having an affair.
When he was on a business trip with suspected ow/colleague A; colleague B (who my friend knew as she had worked with the dh for a long time), invited her out for a coffee and told her about evidence similar to the sort of stuff you have listed here.
All I can say is my friend was very grateful to the whistleblower, and in return never let on to dh who had told her , but used the info go get clear evidence.

I think it’s entirely up to the poster , I gave my view and explained what I would do. Frankly you’re the one who seems pissed off ...you’ve accused the op of blatantly making things up (because it doesn’t fit with in with your theory) , then every other poster who deviates from your view ,you attack on a personal level , eluding that they have some evil master plan to destroy all harmonious marriages.

Lol, I haven't attacked anyone. Calm down. 🤣

Op, I would give it a couple of months at least so that a) the wife can get over the hardest, newborn stage, and b) you can continue to keep a discreet eye on them so that you're more sure one way or the other.

Then if you're still convinced that they're having an affair, do what bumper2bumper mentioned, ie invite the wife for a coffee or a drink, and then tell her the evidence in person.

You have no actual evidence that anything untoward is going on, OP, so I really would leave well alone. Especially as your colleague's wife has recently given birth and is therefore in a vulnerable place.

Yes please! But I would want you to tell me in the kindest way possible. I'd hate to hear it from the affair partner.

Astrid
Although I do think some posters here are a little bit naive.

I totally agree with you and said it pages ago.

I'm not sure if it's naivety or stupidity tbh.

Years ago a friends DH was cheating. He was so dodgy and slimy. Always out clubbing and dancing with women while she was home. Not the behaviour of a MM.

Other friends told her...She wouldn't believe it and said unless she caught him in bed with an OW she wouldn't believe it.

Well that day came (in their house) ..only by now he'd squandered so much of the money she received from her DMs life insurance.

He only married her for the money and was a known player. I honestly didn't have any sympathy because she'd been a fool. Thinking others were jealous of her.