If your husband was cheating, would you want to know?

[astrid20]

I have very good evidence that my male colleague is having an affair with another colleague. It's only a small office and they are very cosy; going for lunch together and to the gym.

I have seen them leaving the office together very late, after he made a show that he was going home. I sit next to the guy and have seen them messaging during work hours and she once let it slip that he had given her a lift home from a work event.

I live near to her and yesterday morning when cycling to work I saw them leave her house together, although they walked in to work separately.

I know the guy is married and that his wife has just given birth to their second child. The woman is single.

I despise cheaters and it makes me mad that other colleagues think this guy is a real family man.

If you were the wife in this situation would you really want to know? Would you believe an anonymous tip off?

I'm starting to think this thread is full of gfs or people who've never worked in a professional role where they manage their own time. Saying you're leaving and then deciding to work late is standard. It's actually embarrassing that posters are trying to pretend its sinister.

Know what? Does with what info?
I'd want to know what the OP has said regarding their interactions.

Regarding my husband leaving another woman's house in the morning. Just as my husband would want to know if I was leaving another man's house in the morning.

There is nothing here. Other than in the ops head.

I disagree. Far too many women are scared of the truth and spend years being cheated on....even when they get tipped off.

OP you sound like a decent person.

Please tell her, she deserves to know the truth.

t's actually embarrassing that posters are trying to pretend its sinister

Totally agree,
He gave her a lift home, they message each other, she went upstairs when he was there, she changed her mind and worked late. All standard. Most professionals have done a variation of this over the years, inc yes, pop into a colleagues house.

I think some folks think this is a soap opera and like the thought of the drama, yeah yeah op tell her, tell her. Then tell us all about it. Cause some real pain and then tell us. Tell us all about it.

It's sick.

I work in a professional role and never made a big show of going home only to stay and work late with a colleague . I’ve also never said I’m leaving to the office to just go up a floor to use a toilet (when there is likely to be a toilet on the same floor I’m on)

Green light or no green light, He can still be secretive because his colleagues don't need to know. That's a whole other situation for him.

I didnt say the reasons were good reasons. Just that there is always a reason.
The most likely reason is the sex though, your right.
Or feeling wanted and getting attention.
or feeling the excitement he once felt at the beginning of his relationship.
Doesn't make it right but as I said before, it's not anyone else's problem but theirs.

Please tell her, she deserves to know the truth

Then tell her the straight truth.

Dear wife, I've genuinely no idea if your husband is having an affair, in fact everyone thinks he's a good family man, he may well be.

But, guess what I saw, I saw him go round to x's house one morning. I don't know if he just popped in. One night they worked late together, which I find shocking,, I think they might message each other at work, oh and once he was getting changed upstairs and she went up they were only up there a max of twenty mins though, once he even drove her home. I know because she mentioned it in the office.

As such I think they are having an affair. Don't you?

Anonymous.

I don’t think anyone thinks of it’ as a soap opera , I think that if you’re being cheated on and your sexual health is being put at risk you deserve to know

No one is disputing that fuck it,

What's being said is she has no clue if this wife is being cheated on. None at all.

And you know it,

And anyway, i agree with bluntness100. I work in a professional environment and places like that love a rumour. Things get a bit boring towards home time and it's like "oooo Sandra is talking to Clive again, that's the 4th 2 min chat they have had in the last week. They are clearly shagging" it's gets old. No one ever says "Oh look, Sandras chatting to Carol again, there obviously secretly having an affair" men and women can be friends.

Yes definitely. It would be awful but ultimately, still yes

I work in a professional environment and places like that love a rumour

Yup and it's always a certain type that starts it,

And this is some of the flimsiest evidence I've seen. There is no evidence of impropriety and I will keep arguing it because this lady just had a baby and the last thing she needs is some daft busy body spreading rumours she has no clue if it's true or not about her husband.

Re the changing room - there are no toilets on that floor, only a changing room. I just can't see any other reason for it.

Yes it may be none of my business though, you're right.

If I had incontrovertible evidence and the wife was a really good friend and not just an acquaintance then yes I would tell .Even then I would be careful ,you never know the consequences of your actions.Imagine if she did something stupid like stabbed him or took her own life Extremely unlikely ,I know ,but how would you feel then?

It's not just it's none of your business op. It's youu don't know, And do you really think she shagged him in the changing room and came down twenty mins later, that's where your mind went?

And they will likely work out it was you. And what if you're wrong? Can you stand the pain you will cause for no reason?

You could even lose your job over it. And you'd deserve to. Would you want them to have evidence before they fire you?

You know. A bit like having evidence when you wade into someone's marriage?

I would want to know. Do you know the wife personally? If i were you, I would take photographic evidence If you see them again.

I work in a professional environment.

I've come across a number of affairs.
I've been involved in disciplinary proceedings where employees were shagging in the disabled toilets.

Considering the number of workplace affairs...I don't know why it seems hard to believe.

With the amount of naivety I'm not suprised so many betrayed spouses are clueless about affairs. It's choosing to ignore the signs.

Perhaps my perspective differs, because of my relationship experience in supporting wayward, betrayed spouses, OWs and OMs. I hear it all and know most of the tactics.

What the OP has said is very similar to how several OW have describe their workplace affairs with MM.

Oh well then sandy, they must be shagging, she needs to get right in there and tell the wife.

And I'm assuming she won't ask for evidence when they fire her arse for it.

And what if she's got it wrong, the woman has post natal depression and kills herself.

Still think she was right to tell?

Because, oh yes, you're experience tells you they are having an affair.

Rock on op. Sandy will be there for you when you get your p45. She'll even attend the funeral.

Get in there.

@Bluntness100 I only started this thread to ask advice as I'm genuinely torn here.
I know that all these examples seem trivial written down but what cannot be expressed online is the feeling that I get from this pair, particularly as I work closely with him. Reading through the replies has made me realise that if there is any chance I could be wrong then it is a terrible idea to mention it to his wife and therefore I won't be.

Not worth the potential HR implications IMO, especially as you don’t know for sure.

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Op, to be clear I'm not saying rhey are not. I'm saying you don't know. And when there is even a slim chance you've got this Very wrong, you cannot anonymously inform the wife they are. Especially when she's just had another baby. The repurcussions of being wrong are awful and huge.

Just as you wouldn't wish to be fired with no evidence, it's the same for them. They should not be found guilty and the wife informed with no evidence either.

I've had the unenviable position of being in this situation. My ex partner was cheating on me. I found out, explosions happened, eventually I took him back (idiotic I know!) anyway my best friends partner saw him in the area the OW lived. She tied herself in knots and eventually asked me how things were doing with us. I already had suspicions he was seeing OW again, and told my bestie that, she told me what she knew and I was so grateful. Sometimes, you convince yourself that maybe you are crazy psychotic reading into these signs and it's such a relief when somebody confirms that your gut instinct was right. So yes absolutely I would want to know and would never harbour ill feelings for someone who informed me so.

I've had the unenviable position of being in this situation

No you haven't. There is no evidence this woman is being cheated on. It's not the same at all.

Forget it. He has to live with his conscience, or lack of it not you. If they are having an affair it will probably resolve itself one way or another. I work in public sector and have one colleague I have known for 20 years. She has been having an affair for that entire time with a guy who was her boss but who left to work elsewhere. He's still with his wife (who I believe doesn't know) and colleague is still single but in an affair with him! Kids have left home and no logical reason for him to stay in the marital home. Bizarre!