If your husband was cheating, would you want to know?

[astrid20]

I have very good evidence that my male colleague is having an affair with another colleague. It's only a small office and they are very cosy; going for lunch together and to the gym.

I have seen them leaving the office together very late, after he made a show that he was going home. I sit next to the guy and have seen them messaging during work hours and she once let it slip that he had given her a lift home from a work event.

I live near to her and yesterday morning when cycling to work I saw them leave her house together, although they walked in to work separately.

I know the guy is married and that his wife has just given birth to their second child. The woman is single.

I despise cheaters and it makes me mad that other colleagues think this guy is a real family man.

If you were the wife in this situation would you really want to know? Would you believe an anonymous tip off?

Actually no Bluntess I’m not the “sort” who doesn’t believe men and women can be good friends but I don’t go following my male friends round in shower rooms , have them over in my house very early or stay at work late with them when I say to everyone else I’m leaving the office .

I wouldn't want to know right after having a baby tbh. Ignorance is bliss to a degree so I'd wait until she's completely out of that exhausting newborn, hormonal stage, if you tell her at all.

Well fuck it, I've done all of those things and never been unfaithful to my husband.

So?

Bottom line is just becayse you've never had a good Male friend and done those things doesn't mean they are shagging,

Genuinely it doesn't.

If the op knew. Had seen texts, kissses, inappropriate touching, whatever, fair enough, but what she has stated can easily be innocent and she could well be that little bitter little busy body sitting in the corner. We don't know her.

Bottom line, you don't do what's she is suggesting if you don't actually know.

So you’ve said to your all of work colleagues that you’re leaving the office only to then stay very late with a male colleague ?

Sorry I think we’re just going to have to disagree , I think the OP is correct in her view that he is having an affair & I think she is justified to act upon it.

Yes, sometimes I've said I'm leaving, planned to, and then got caught up and changed my mind, i genuinely don't see tha issue with that.

Genuinely I don't.

They also say you can tell who's shagging in the office, they stay as far away from each other as possible.

Logically if you think about it, if this woman is single, has her own place, why are they shagging in changing rooms and staying late in th office

Answer is they ain't having an affair.

Let's suppose he is having an affair (which I seriously doubt).

Often the affair partner comes to their senses and realises what an idiot they've been. They are horrified at what they nearly threw away and go 100% back into the marriage until their dying day without their spouse having any idea of the tsunami that nearly wrecked their life.

That happens a lot. This is probably nothing but interfering would certainly make it something.

Often the affair partner comes to their senses? Really ? In all the cases I have known where someone has cheated , they have all continued to serially cheat. Be that on their current partner or their next one, (these are all men that I have loose friendships with ) i can think of atleast 8 relationships where this has happened and 0 that relate to what you describe.

It's irrelevant,

It's highly unlikely they are having an affair, the woman is single and has a place walking distance from the office, they wouldn't be working late and shagging in the changing rooms for 20 mins if they were, they'd be ar her place, away from the ops prying eyes. No one having an afffair stays late in the office if they have a shag pad round the corner.

People have an affair because they like the excitement and the thought of getting caught heightens that , just because she has her own home doesn’t mean to say that it isn’t also happening in the office..

Oh right,

So although they have the option of privacy they also like shagging in the office for the excitement of it,

🤣

Pretty much yes ! In my prior workplace on of the managers was having relations with one of the other workers in the post room of all places , even though our offices are round the corner from a hotel where it would be more unlikely to be seen and they could have easily explained it away due to the travelling nature of the job. It happens .

Needless to say he was married , had been carrying on with many other colleagues . Finally got investigated and then fired for gross misconduct.

A hotel has costs. A home doesn't,

The bottom line is she has no evidence they are having an affair. Nor do you. As such wishing To inform his wife is nasty.

I agree with Bluntness.. there is no solid evidence and nothing should be said unless it can be proven to be inappropriate in a sense of “confirmed cheating”

Poor woman has just given birth, why shatter her life by sharing speculations??

If OP sees a solid evidence in forthcoming weeks/months - maybe . But for now, I would stay quiet.

I don't think trying to explain away OP's conclusions is relevant. Considering the facts, they probably really are having an affair. But unless she is close to one of them, I somehow don't feel she should get into that. Especially considering the fact that the wife has just had a baby. And, unless she has the guts to confront the husband or tell the wife directly, I don't think she morally has the right to do it. That's not something you should do anonimously. And if she feels she isn't that close to them to be upfront, than it's really none of her business, and she should just stay out of it.

It's actually none of your business to be honest. That's there issue to deal with.
How do you know she hasn't given him the ok to go else where? Or she already knows and is waiting for the right time.
So many scenarios here, just keep your nose out and get on with your own life.
People cheat. There's always a reason. Despite what everyone will say. Just because you would have wanted to know, doesn't mean she would.

I go to lunch and dinner with male collegues, I go to the theatre and drinks with them too sometimes. Sometimes there have been three and four guys and me. No, I am not having an affair. Sometimes I have gone down to drinks and then home back to my desk to collect something. Some of my colleagues go to the gym and then come back up to work. Others stay over with each other or have missed the last train and gone back unexpectedly to a colleague 's house. You would have a field day with us!

@astrid20

I'd want to know 100%. I don't care if it's done anonymously.. id just want the name if the OW and other info like where she lives (If possible) and as much that I could follow it up.

I fully understand that people don't want to get that involved....that doesn't bother me.

I'm not one of those head in the sand women ...who only believe if I see photographic evidence.

Email from an anonymous account. Wife deserves to know. Say it's suspicious behaviour with a colleague and she can decide what to do next

Infidelity is not always a deal-breaker
No, but the cheated on partner should at least get to decide that themselves, not have it decided for them.

@Sameoldstorytime

How do you know she hasn't given him the ok to go else where?

He wouldn't be so sneaky if his wife had given him the okay... and if his wife has given him ..them there'll be no issue being told will there.

People cheat. There's always a reason.

Yep....it's often because they think they can get away with it.

A reason...isn't a green light.
His reason could be wife has just had a baby and isn't up for sex.... is that a good enough reason?

Knowledge is power. Let the wife decide what she does with the info.

I honestly don't understand why a spouse wouldn't want to know.... except that they're too weak to leave for whatever reason.

Know what? Does with what info?

There is nothing here. Other than in the ops head.

I would want to know, but facts only.

He may be staying with her because he has marital problems and they dont walk in together because he doesnt want to be gossip fodder. I have plenty of male friends and, while I agree it doesnt look good, I wouldnt go in all guns blazing

While I'd always want to know (personally would have saved me years of heart break) I don't envy you one little bit having to be the bearer of the news.