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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Do you ever get over heartbreak

214 replies

ineedhelpa · 27/08/2018 14:34

I'm a mess, I'm in pieces. Can't cope. Not sleeping eating. Crying constantly. It's been a few months and not getting any easier.
I am always checking his social media, re-reading messages. He is lovely and nothing happened it he just ended it, no arguments or anything but I am struggling to come to terms. Will it ever get any easier, will I ever 'get over it'

OP posts:

ArriettyCArriettyC · 20/09/2018 20:56

I am also rereading this thread a lot for help and comfort!

AsleepAllDay · 21/09/2018 04:27

I'm still NC too! Will probably be breaking that soon for reasons but he's not in my life. Still having a cry and conflicted feelings but know I need to move oh

Vivaldi1678 · 22/09/2018 16:57

Well done OP. Wishing you luck!

hamabr86 · 28/09/2018 15:29

Oh Arrietty my ex did this and it was I gather now just a way of him not wanting to be the bad person by outright saying no and still wanted a bit of attention.

You need to let yourself move on and he he comes back see where you are then but don't let him trap you in limbo and don't count on that happening either. IMO it's cruel of him.

richdeniro · 28/09/2018 15:36

I'm approaching 90 days no contact now and she hasn't reached out to me which shows how little she cared really. Still think about her a hell of a lot but am doing so much better than I was, I get the occasional urge to want to send her a message but no more than once/twice a week.

I was amazed at how much the breakup affected my physical health for the first couple of weeks... not being able to sleep, concentrate, etc. I won't ever forget that feeling, you think at the time that you'll never feel the same again.

AsleepAllDay · 29/09/2018 13:27

@richdeniro three months NC is really good!

I felt the same physical effects & thankfully they do fade

I've had some closure and am on good terms with my ex but think about him often. NC really is the only way. I can now look forward to the rest of my life. It's sad but it's the way it is and I'm in a stronger position

richdeniro · 29/09/2018 13:50

I think the reason I’m feeling sad now is just that she hasn’t reached out herself which confirms my suspicions at the time that she was seeing or interested in someone else. But also I’m feeling sad that we aren’t friends I guess, not being part of her life and hearing about her day, being there when she wasn’t feeling great and all that kind of thing. I know that’s part of a breakup though.

amivbetter · 14/10/2018 16:52

How is everyone getting on

richdeniro · 14/10/2018 18:21

Not great this weekend. I reached 100 days no contact and I guess with it being that amount of time passing and her not reaching out it really means that she won't ever reach out and it truly is over. Plus my suspicions that she was interested in and possibly seeing someone else in the few weeks before she ended it have all but been confirmed.

I was on Instagram last week and randomly one of my friends (completely unrelated to my ex) had been attending a football game at the local non-league team and posted a pic from the stands of the game in action. As I was looking at the pic I noticed out of all the hundreds of people that would have been in the stadium, a few rows further forward there was my ex with her kids and another guy sat with them who looks exactly like a guy she was chatting to in a photo I saw of her on a girls night out the weekend before she ended it with me.

Anyway I guess that kind of hit me for six this weekend.

Hogglesballs · 14/10/2018 19:22

Not great myself this weekend, ex came to get stuff. We got chatting and ended up joking away and laughing and it was surreal, like everything had been a dream (he bloody left me for a co-worker half his age, I know I should probably be a bit colder with him but I just wanted to be civil). He was offering to do DIY in my flat which I found odd, not sure new girl would like that. We don't have kids or anything.

Anyway next day he comes in to take some more boxes and he can't look at me and is taking his stuff like his arse is on fire.

I am loads better but it was nice to be civil, although feel we were both shocked at how quick you start laughing and chatting (I thought it would be awkward after 3 months).

Felt upset this evening sitting alone and I don't know why.

AsleepAllDay · 14/10/2018 21:55

@Hogglesballs have recently done the 'stuff' hand over, bloody well done! It'll get easier xx

Hogglesballs · 14/10/2018 22:04

@AsleepAllDay thanks xx

what do you make of that, acting like his old self and then the next day all weird and cold? Just found it odd more than anything, suppose if I'm truthful it upset me a bit.

user1457017537 · 14/10/2018 22:09

You sound like you are depressed maybe seeing a Dr would help. Previous abandonment issues for whatever reason can make you much more insecure and heartbroken. Take care of yourself

Hogglesballs · 14/10/2018 22:13

Is that me @user1457017537 I'm not depressed, I'm just finding it hard, 7 year relationship and broken up with out of the blue. Taking a while to process. Had another thread here under another name so don't want to hijack. Just been hard as he dragged out sorting stuff out.

Thanks xx

user1457017537 · 14/10/2018 22:26

No sorry I was referring to the Op

AsleepAllDay · 15/10/2018 02:37

@Hogglesballs he sounds all over the place tbh. To have broken up with you suddenly after so long & for someone else, then acting all pally with you and then distant... he sounds like a mess. I'm sure it must be so hard for you but take heart in the fact that he's... clearly lost and confused. I'm sure you miss him but you deserve a relationship with someone who is sure of themselves & what they want and won't do this to you

That's how I feel about my ex now - he's clearly all over the place & I choose to stay away from that now. I miss him and everything but I'm worthy of better

spacecadet · 15/10/2018 03:39

Op i think i know exactly where you are and the NC thing, that's up to you. I found i NEEDED the contact because without it, it felt like he'd died. I did the whole let's send 'friendly' emails thing and got far too hopeful at some little thing he said and my whole day would become about whether he'd replied or not. At this point i already knew he had started a new relationship, but when i was NC, i was doing crazy things like scanning every car on the road and even racing one on the motorway because i just had to know if it was him or not. I kept telling myself that what we had was 4 years and what she had was 3 months - how could that compare?! But one day he just stopped answering my emails and i was forced to accept the NC. I later found out he'd gone on to marry this girl and is still with her as far as I know. It hurt like a mf for years - and every subsequent relationship has failed because they just don't even come close. But what i found helped was the decision to move away - to take away the chance of bumping into them - and to give myself the chance to create new memories and experiences that were nothing to do with him. I still miss him, i can still get emotional and feel like leaving him was the worst decision i ever made but ten years down the line and i've had some amazing experiences that i would have never had if i'd stayed with him. There's no set in stone method for how to deal with this - just do whatever makes you feel better at the time. It will get better. Hugs.

WheelyCote · 15/10/2018 04:26

Heartbreak is rough.

It's grieving. Change how you think about this....instead of trying to get over heartbreak....your trying to get over grief. That way you can read about grief.....the symptoms...the hope, the anger, the denial, the disbelief. It's learning to deal with the fluctuating emotions that can change from one minute to the next.

I've been there. I'm over a year onwards. I never could go no contact but I naturally wanted less contact as I started seeing him differently. The pedestal I'd put him on slowly came back down to earth.

Hogglesballs · 15/10/2018 10:40

@AsleepAllDay Yeah it was a bit strange. I said to a friend I couldn't believe he was back to his old self and it felt as if the last few months has been some kind of play we were in and now we were backstage. Really surreal. Then the next day, cold, not looking at me, couldn't even say bye before he went.

Ugh I'm not sure I can face a relationship again after this. Good thing I'm happy alone. I do miss him though. Can't even switch off caring about him either even after what he did.

Belina · 15/10/2018 14:07

YES YOU DO I DID IT THREE TIMES

how you feeling op?

Hogglesballs · 15/10/2018 14:38

How @Belina, I need some tips too.

Hope you are doing better op, we are going through similar and if you need us come back.

Original poster

ineedhelpa · 01/11/2018 21:14

Thanks for all your lovely messages. Not been on here for a while as went off all social media, kept account just didn't log on, and generally stayed away from internet.

It's been over 2 months now and I feel so much better - still get upset about it occasionally but nothing like how I was when I wrote this post.

Hugs to everyone going through similar

OP posts:

SunflowerSally · 02/11/2018 07:20

That's brilliant to hear Ineedhelpa. Onwards and upwards!

Yeahmum · 02/11/2018 13:09

Well done OP

bibbidybobbidyboo · 02/11/2018 15:37

Checking in to say I'm going through this too. 6 years together and he ended it out of the blue because he's had a meltdown about the future (started a master's, contemplating a career change etc). We met at university and I really really thought he was the one. Been 3 weeks now and it's still so hard.

Glad to read about the other stories on here about things getting better. to all of you xxx

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