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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do you ever get over heartbreak

214 replies

ineedhelpa · 27/08/2018 14:34

I'm a mess, I'm in pieces. Can't cope. Not sleeping eating. Crying constantly. It's been a few months and not getting any easier.
I am always checking his social media, re-reading messages. He is lovely and nothing happened it he just ended it, no arguments or anything but I am struggling to come to terms. Will it ever get any easier, will I ever 'get over it'

OP posts:
Vitalogy · 29/08/2018 16:29

Aww sorry OP. Can you change gyms.

Original poster
ineedhelpa · 29/08/2018 16:31

I think I am going to have to change as it was something I used to enjoy doing before I met him. I just found it so hard. I won't be going again anytime soon Sad

OP posts:
FlopsVoice · 29/08/2018 16:41

I married at 20. Had one DC. My husband fucked me over in every single way imaginable

I thought I couldn't be without him

I was afraid of being a single parent/divorcee

I loved him and was absolutely heartbroken

OP

Here I am. 28yo. 4yo DS. Amazing DP of a year. Absolutely loving life and I can barely remember the days I never thought I'd get through the night..

So have your wee cry. Then go get a shower and remind yourself who the fuck you are 😘

FlopsVoice · 29/08/2018 16:42

Oh divorced too..at 28 - best thing I ever did

itsgoodtobehome · 29/08/2018 19:07

Oh I remember totally falling for someone in my late 20's. I absolutely thought he was the love of my life. He was flaky and ghosted me. I was so devastated I actually went to counselling. Thought I would never get over it.

Anyway, I'm now happily married (to someone else). I do occasionally stalk his FB profile, and from what I can gather, he has several children by different mothers, and seems to move on to a new woman every couple of years. I am sooooo happy with my DH and family that I just laugh when I see what the ex is up to.

I know this won't help in the short term, but there is life on the other side, and it's so much better!!

sleep5 · 29/08/2018 19:16

Someone once told me that it can take half the length of the relationship to get over a relationship where you were truly in love, especially if it's your first relationship where you've truly fallen for your other half.

The main thing is to avoid social media/phone contact with him - unfriend him and delete his contact (you can always add it back again when you're over him). Constantly following his every movement will just cause you to become obsessed and depressed. You have to surround yourself with your friends and keep as busy as you can to distract yourself from becoming obsessed - book yourself into courses, get involved in voluntary groups, go out with friends, see family more often and so on. Don't sit at home constantly thinking about it.

It really does get easier with time but it is going to be a struggle.

Bookvan · 29/08/2018 19:50

I was with my dh for 20 years. Really hoping you're wrong @sleep5 Wink

How do husbands manage to move on so quickly? I'd been replaced 3 weeks after we first split. How do they do it?

SilverySurfer · 29/08/2018 20:00

Of course it's possible but imagine you fell over and had a huge scab on your knee - every day, if you pick the scab it will be really painful and the wound will not heal. That's what you're doing by stalking him on SM and texting him as a 'friend'.

The only way the wound is going to heal and the pain to lessen is to block him on everything and find other things to do with your life. it's not easy, it hurts like hell but it's the only way.

I really hope you feel better soon.

Original poster
ineedhelpa · 29/08/2018 21:20

Thank you for all the replies with happy endings, honestly, although I can't see it now they do help, knowing that people have been through similar and are happy.
It's funny one hour I'm fine thinking I hate him not bothered then next hour I'm crying again. I'm back in work tomorrow so that should take my mind off things

OP posts:
lowtide · 29/08/2018 21:27

You’ll feel a hundred different emotions each day. I did. I do. Anger/hate/bitterness/sadness/missing him/loving him/ wanting him back/forgiving him/wishing him a happy life/eating to stalk him/wanting to know why he’s happier without me/ forgiving him/ hating him/wishing him a horrific life/ anger/ hate...you get the drift.

It’s normal. It gets better, it definitely does. Nothing doesn’t get better unless you don’t want it to.

lowtide · 29/08/2018 21:28

Wanting ! Not eating! Though I do eat a lot or nothing

MervynBunter · 29/08/2018 23:48

How do husbands manage to move on so quickly? I'd been replaced 3 weeks after we first split. How do they do it?

I was asking myself the same question.

whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 30/08/2018 00:27

Years go by. I am happily married with children who are far more. But the mind lingers and longs. I think it is a small sign that I am here and that I truly loved. I know it is hard.

wheresthehope · 30/08/2018 01:26

My only advice and I do feel for you I really do but you need to keep telling yourself to harden up.... its cruel but the way you are living certainly isn't healthy and its not getting you anywhere as he opted out of the relationship. Be harder on yourself. You have to keep telling yourself to move on and that your ok without him.
Delete his contacts aswel You will be ok

fattyboomboomboom · 30/08/2018 01:38

OP - I've been there and it is just awful.

My worst heartbreak was someone I went out with for 6 months and it devastated me. It was so weird as I had been through 2 divorces without as much heartbreak. It took me a very long time, drank too much, wanked on about him constantly. I went on antidepressants and forced myself never to snoop or contact him, ever. I threw away anything that had any association with him. It took ages but now I just think he's a zero and I wouldn't recognise him in the street.

fattyboomboomboom · 30/08/2018 01:41

OP - this sounds weird but have you got a pet? Pets work wonders for crying on, especially dogs who get you out and a whole new set of people to get to know.

Bookvan · 31/08/2018 09:15

ineedhelpa how are you doing today?

HereIgoagainxx · 31/08/2018 09:27

You alone are prolonging your agony. You need to cut all ties to move forward. I'm doing it now. It's the only way to end this torturing of yourself. He's gone. Say it over and over, cry your eyes out, then delete. Xx

Pixiemeat · 31/08/2018 12:52

OP I've been there too. You can't stay friends. If you do at some point you'll face the heartbreak of having to hear about it when he meets someone else.

Sakura7 · 31/08/2018 17:32

I found I spent so much time going over all the same questions, feeling the anger, hurt, confusion, etc, on a constant loop. Eventually you wear yourself out from it and it's like you literally don't have the energy to keep feeling that way all the time. Then gradually you get used to your new life and you go longer periods of time without thinking about them. It does take time though.

I was with my ex 7 years when he suddenly ended it. I didn't see it coming and was an absolute mess for months afterwards. Probably took the guts of a year to truly get over it. I'm now really happy with someone who is so much better for me than my ex, and I wonder what I ever saw in him. It just takes time.

Vitalogy · 31/08/2018 17:47

it's like you literally don't have the energy to keep feeling that way all the time. Exactly, it gets boring.

Poppyinagreenfield · 31/08/2018 18:03

You are depressed. It will take time to heal yourself and come out of it.

The starting point is to say goodbye to the past and let go.

Perhaps a chat with the doctor could help in the first initial weeks.

You are open and honest with your feelings which should help.

How have other posters got through this heartbreak.

coolcahuna · 31/08/2018 18:05

It's honestly time. 2 years I was where you are now, constantly crying and totally bereft. Totally fine now and very happy. And single!

Tried to be friends but it's impossible when you love someone so much.

It will hurt but you have to literally cut all ties and walk away.

You can do it xxx

coolcahuna · 31/08/2018 18:06

I went through sadness and anger several times before finally not caring about it at all.

HereIgoagainxx · 31/08/2018 18:11

Something that once helped me as I sobbed into my umpteen sauvignon blanc alone, listening to Gabrielle's 'Out of Reach' was the stark reality that he was not sobbing into a pint over me.

The pain is unbearable, but it will ease when you decide that things have to change and you don't want to live this way anymore.

Thinking of you. I know nothing hurts as much Flowers