A way I like to look at it is love lives are all peaks and troughs.
Many moons ago now I sat on my friend Anne's couch crying over a very raw breakup. She was recently married, living in a beautiful apartment decorated with photos of her fairytale wedding just over a year before. Her and her husband were trying for their first baby and she was in a really good place. I envied (in a good way!) all she had. She hugged me as I drank too much wine, told me things would be ok. Of course I wasn't in any place to believe that.
Fast forward a year and I was seeing someone new. I was very happy, falling in love and back in college studying a degree in an area I'd always wanted to work in, but thought at 40 I was too old to change careers. Things had definitely improved.
Around the same time, it turned out Anne and her husband were having troubles conceiving and her husband had lost his job and was not making much effort to look for work. Then came news he was leaving her for another woman. Anne arrived at my place, desperate, in shock, angry and hurt. She knew there would be no going back. My partner made himself scarce as she cried her eyes out, drank too much wine and I told her things would be ok.
For the next few years as my lovelife blossomed, Anne remained single. She was up and down, but went back studying and eventually got what she now calls her dream job.
As life goes, we drifted apart a little bit. We would see each other out and about now and then and promise to catch up soon, but we were both so incredibly busy and time went on.
A few months ago she introduced me to the new man in her life. He was a bit older, absolutely smitten and treated her like a princess (her words). She told me the best thing her husband ever did was leave her.
I was delighted for her. The only problem was it put the spotlight on my relationship. We were in a rut, sniping and generally not getting on. Days later we were over. Over 4 years we were together and suddenly he was moving out.
I went to see Anna and her new man was on his way over. I didn't stay long. We chatted and I drank tea (Gave up alcohol years ago). But this time the breakup wasn't as bad. I knew I'd survive it. And so far, I am.
None of us know what will happen in our futures. Nothing is ever set in stone. I am enjoying the freedom of being single, confident that I will fall in love again when the time is right.
Relationships, I've realised are not the be-all and it is worth waiting for someone that deserves me. We all deserve that.
Accept the heartbreak for what it is, a temporary state. I'm focusing on myself and my career and am excited about what and who is around the corner. X