Do you ever get over heartbreak

[ineedhelpa]

I'm a mess, I'm in pieces. Can't cope. Not sleeping eating. Crying constantly. It's been a few months and not getting any easier.
I am always checking his social media, re-reading messages. He is lovely and nothing happened it he just ended it, no arguments or anything but I am struggling to come to terms. Will it ever get any easier, will I ever 'get over it'

I am exactly the same. My mum asked how I was and I started crying. Driving down certain roads or past certain buildings, if we used to go there together, I just start crying.
This thread has helped massively, knowing that people have been through same and have survived

@Ladyluna63 how long has it been since your separated? X

@ineedhelpa I do suggest going to the GP. Mine saw how anxious I was & put me on antidepressants (my request) and a small dose of sleeping pills (they're a bit rubbish so I quit those).

That's at least a short term fix to get some rest & level out your emotions. I do suggest counselling - even if it's just a session. Samaritans. Calling a friend for a good old bitching session

You need a vent, some way to let out the pain.

Of course you want to get back with him, of course you feel sustained by the happy memories you had. Yes it feels excruciating to have to be without the person you cared for the most & know they just don't feel the same any more. It's like you're chopped liver

I'm still feeling all of these things and that's okay, it's heartbreak. But do what you can to survive

One thing that I have learnt to do that has helped me with heartache is to stop fighting it. When a wave of sadness washes over you, just go with it, get it out of your system. If you try to stop it and fight against it, you make it stronger and into much bigger a deal than it needs to be. It is just a feeling. In a while another feelings will come along. Let it go through you and pass on.

Another thing I have learnt is that I don't need to DO anything about heartache. For years I got this intense urge to contact the other person when I was sad. I fooled myself that it was to be friendly or to see how they were, etc. Really, it was everything to do with trying to make myself feel better. So now I have taught myself that when I am feeling emotional, I do nothing. Nothing has to be done right there and then. The urge will pass. If it doesn't, then I can contact them later. But usually, when the intense emotion has passed, I no longer want to.

@sonjadog
Extremely wise words. No one really wants to deal with the grief of loss. Because a it’s horrific. And all that entails. Putting it off stops some pain. But stops you really getting better.
I’ve spent 3 years putting it off. It hasn’t worked thus far.

3 weeks. I keep expecting him to come hime but of course he doesn't.

I think depression has a role to play but maybe I'm just clutching at straws. I spoke with a mutual friends recently who split with her boyfriend a few months ago and she shared some messages her and my exH sent to each other, him explaining to her how he thought her boyfriend felt being unemployed and useless and bringing to resent her about him not being able to achieve his goals and her not understanding (both our partners are or were unemployed). I just wish he had sent the message to me so I could understand how he felt, maybe I should have listened more.

I suppose thats the problem with heartache, you just replay everything wishing you could do it differently.

I don't know why but I'm struggling quite badly this week, it's been two months exactly since my ex ended things and the past few weeks I have been relatively ok with doing no contact but this week I'm feeling like I was in the days and weeks immediately after the breakup.

Back to wishing she would get in touch, wanting to reach out myself, not being able to sleep very much at all, zero appetite and generally feeling overwhelming feelings of being heartbroken again.

I don't know whether this is normal and if it's because the 2 month mark is some kind of milestone? I did expect her to reach out in some way so I guess have been feeling down that it has been 8 weeks and she hasn't.

Bump x

Heartache is awful but it's something that most people have experienced, unfortunately.

I remember when an ex of mine broke up with me suddenly one day, it knocked me for six. I felt I couldn't eat, couldn't do anything. The worst was at night, I would lie there just thinking and it would eat me up and I barely slept. Horrible horrible horrible.
I never thought I'd get over it. I honestly thought this was it, I'd feel like this forever. Time does heal though, even though I didn't believe it then! You need lots of time and you will one day wake up and realise you haven't thought about him at all - It's so refreshing when that happens.

No contact I think is so important. If you're still texting or whatnot then he's always 'there', his name will still come up on your phone and it doesn't give you a chance to have some space, work out your feelings and most importantly, to actually start to recover from the break up. You need that time to focus on yourself.

Social media is the devil after a break up. I remember constantly checking my ex's facebook/twitter/Instagram. Half of me was worried he'd found someone else, the other half just wanted to look at photos of him and cry. It felt bloody awful, like I was a prisoner to it. I ended up deactivating for a while as it was driving me crazy.

Thankfully it's been 18 months since the split so I'm feeling better but it does take time.

Is there anything you can focus on? A project? Exercise? A new hobby? All these can help you progress and take your mind off it all.

Any advice for when you can't go no contact?!
3 dcs together and he refuses to leave the house. I'm struggling to cope with him being there all the time, he treats the house like a B&B, assumes I'll be there to watch the kids while he buggers off to work or his gf whenever he feels like it.
I'm just exhausted all the time.

Can I join the club? Dumped yesterday. My fault, been so moody and irrational for ages. Absolutely devastated. Only moved into his house a month or two ago, now have to leave :(

Have only eaten two digestive biscuits and a little harvest bar today. Didn't sleep more than an hour yesterday.

Arietty it'll get better. I promise. I was where you are 2 weeks ago. 20 year relationship over, he had a new gf in 3 weeks. I didn't eat or sleep for a week. Call your friends, try to sleep during the day if you can't sleep at night, I saw a counsellor too and that helped.

Don't get me wrong, it still hurts, but I'm functioning again.

Thank you. How do we stop ourselves thinking of the good times, happy times, the love that was shared, the things that were said ...

@ArriettyCArriettyC we need to accept. Accept the present, current moment. I have a host of beautiful memories all across London but it hurts to dwell

This could have been me a couple of years ago, completely fell to bits. I think in recent years I have become prone to depression anyway and so the grief of it triggered something awful and I was in an extreme depression for about 10 months. Totally blindsided as he'd asked me to move in a couple of weeks before and I had given notice on my flat etc. Had to stay with my mum.

I kept in contact in some sort of vain hope he would eventually change his mind I think and then one day something changed and I just couldn't be bothered to do it anymore. Got myself on dating sites and cut all contact. You need to be really strong for a couple of weeks and completely disconnect otherwise you aren't giving yourself healing space, wish I had listened to my own advice to start with. A friend of my went through a similarly devastating breakup at the same time but said she held it together better in public so no-one but me knew how badly she was taking it.

I now look back at him and genuinely think 'bleurgh'. No-one could pay me enough to be in a relationship with him again. I now have a lovely boyfriend I've been with for two years and everything is so much easier. My friends next boyfriend is due to be her husband soon and she is 1000 times happier with him.

You will get there. It might feel like its lasting forever but its not.

Yeah you do....I did.

My ex broke up with me for his 'platonic friend' who, when I asked if he thought was good looking had said, 'I don't see her that way.' They got together one week after we broke up, or so he told me!

Anyhow, we broke up and I was a wreck. I used to wake up crying with a pain in my chest. I'd cry in the shower and then cry the whole way to work. That went on for about 6 months. Then I got in another relationship but never, ever got over him. I was always thinking of him and imagining that no man could ever ever compare. I used to cry listening to music, look him up etc. He never left my heart.

Anyhow, I basically thought I'd never get over him...

Roll on 7 years later, he gets back in touch...tells me he married that lady and was now getting a divorce. Said she was awful etc and he wanted to be with me. I thought I wanted to be with him too...I ran to him, slept with him etc and realised I didn't love him anymore at all. I didn't even feel attracted to him anymore. I had built him up in my head to be something he wasn't.

I think the second someone breaks up with you they become elevated to super-human status instead of being the flawed people they are.

All those years I spent heartbroken and imagining how no man would ever compare to him (so wrong), I only wish I had had the perspective I had after I met him again!

Bumping again x

Thanks all for the encouraging messages. I'm really struggling my ex being mixed-messagey. I think he's very confused and upset to, but he has texted and said he loves me, he's devastated etc. This gives me hope that we will get back together. But it was him that wanted to end it. I can't even start grieving because I can't help thinking he may change his mind :(

I really think texting is dodgy in this context. The best way to communicate is face to face. Maybe try not to text him much...I know; easier said than done.

My heart goes out to you. I know how painful it is.

I've thankfully made myself NC but he's still on my mind a lot. Old memories, anger and sadness at being left like this, crushing disappointment that we will never be together, anger again that he gave up on me, despair about dating in the future

I'm in a better place than I was even two weeks ago but it's like a lump of coal in my gut

Asleepallday
Sounds like me. I have been nearly a week nc and some days I feel ok and then other days I'm a mess. Still checking his social media but I'm no longer texting which is a big thing for me.
Reading these posts do help me realise I can get through this

Well done op! It will get easier x

I’m here too. We broke up nearly 6 months ago and I haven’t moved from the spot he left me. We have no ties, but I cannot go NC, I can’t tell my friends but I actually stayed at his last night. He has told me serval times we are not getting back together so it’s all my own doing now. Although he did say nothing had changed and he still had feelings for me.
The relationship was abusive. His thing is for me to sleep with other men, I went to a guys last night to do just that, but I couldn’t do it, so I made my excuses and left and went to my ex.
Anyway, it’s my fault, I need to go NC. Everything reminds me off him. I finished my masters and started my career in the last few weeks but haven’t enjoyed it as much as I should because this clouds me.
I think, as others said, all you can give it is time. It will get better, you will move on, i like to think about the pain as proof of your capacity to love.

@Wadingthroughshit
What are you doing!! I’ve been on all of your threads. Get the fuck away from this evil man now.