Do you ever get over heartbreak

[ineedhelpa]

I'm a mess, I'm in pieces. Can't cope. Not sleeping eating. Crying constantly. It's been a few months and not getting any easier.
I am always checking his social media, re-reading messages. He is lovely and nothing happened it he just ended it, no arguments or anything but I am struggling to come to terms. Will it ever get any easier, will I ever 'get over it'

Cut contact immediately, you texting him/him replying is giving you false hope that things can get better between the two of you - they won’t HE broke if off for whatever reasons.

When you think of him, set a stopwatch on your phone for 25seconds furing this time think of something different.

Make arrangements to see friends, experiment with makeup, get in grossed with a good book. Anything to keep the mind off of him.

He did give an explanation, and I totally get it, I just can't seem to accept it

You can’t accept because you’re still in contact.
You NEED to stop contact.
If you’re best friend was in this situation what would you advise them to do?

How old are you Ineedhelp? I had a catastrophic break up in my mid thirties and thought I'd never recover. You need to be VERY STRICT with yourself about obsessing over his every movement. Force yourself out even if you're miserable. You Will get over it and join the ranks of the millions of others who have suffered heart break and lived to tell the tale. And let me tell you this.... when you finally find the love that will last you will appreciate it so much more because you have suffered the heartache.

I am 34 but I feel like a teenager.
I know I need to get over it, but I feel like I don't want to because I want him. Never known heartache like this

You're not a teenager for grieving a relationship, especially if it came as a shock.

You need to give your mind a rest from it all (not very good at this myself at the moment I'll admit) give yourself a set time like @letsdolunch said above, give yourself a set amount of time to think about whatever you want about it all, maybe write stuff down to help you process it, then after that set time try to do other things and get through the day. I know it's easy to say and I'm finding that hard but it's another tip to try to give your mind a break for a bit.

You need to want to let go. You're torturing yourself checking his social media. I've been there and It's fucking horrible, wouldn't wish the feelings on my worst enemy but you will get to a point and think no more.

Every breakup I've been through I've been a complete mess. Weeks spent in bed etc. I was never the type to be able to move on healthily so it's resulted in a lot of time wallowing in my bed and isolating myself. I am determined to be a stronger person next time (assuming it could possibly happen again). Please don't isolate yourself OP. Please look forward and see him as someone who wasn't right for you. Be there for yourself and focus on your relationship with you. Yoga and meditation has always really helped me, pehaps it's worth trying something new?

Also, social media is a bastard. Block and delete. If you can't stop looking - even more reason to do so. Be selfish. There's no shame in being the hurt one here, so do what is best for you. You owe it to yourself to believe you can get over this - and you will do. We all recover from heartbreak eventually but your mindset is key. Take it one day at a time x

Oh sweetie, allow yourself a (short!) period of time to wallow - cry, watch crap TV, eat ice cream, listen to music (where every lyric somehow reflects your feelings) before pulling yourself out by whatever means. Don't contact him. Change the time you went to the gym. If you convince yourself that's impractical, start getting up earlier and going for a run/walk. We've all been there OP and came out the other side! x

I'm sorry you're feeling so low OP, I've been there too and it is so awful.

I know this is hard to hear but you don't really love him you're attached emotionally to him. True love doesn't require attachment. This is a major and hard lesson to learn but not impossible.

I agree with others, you need to go no contact. These feelings will dissipate but it takes time. Different for everyone of course. Talk to your family/friends if possible. Keep busy. Best wishes, you can do it!r

I’m going through accepting breakup except my ex was an absolute prick , he wasn’t there for me when I had a missed miscarriage (wasn’t there at procedure) , dumped me a month and half later, I then found out he was cheating on me and he is currently with this new girl.

My recommendations are , remove him from all social media, block all means of contact with him. Don’t look at his pics , delete them or just archive them . You need to get good sleep , I found this really difficult as all the thoughts going round your head. I took some night nurse which are to help with colds but it does the job , I used them for about a week then went onto nytols which are weaker. If you get good sleep you feel more capable to do things the next day such as work , gym. I’ve thrown myself into work and the gym and found some decent tv series on Amazon. That’s literally my life right now , it gets easier , I’m on month 2 and I’m still sad but not crying and I know I’ll get through it just gotta go through the process .

Sending you strength op xxx

Sympathies op. I'm going through similar except we were together 20 years. It's shit. Just really shit. I have flashes of anger towards him for treating me like this, but mostly I'm just really sad.

I’ve been where you are and it’s horrible. It’s been almost a year since things went wrong and the worst year of my life. We’ve been off and on and still in touch throughout but three weeks ago went no contact and it’s been a revelation. I was dreading it and fought against it for so long but it’s actually easier. Yes I miss him but not knowing where he’s going what he’s thinking who he’s seeing etc has made me feel much more at peace and less stressed and anxious. It’s the only way. Block on everything and be kind to yourself. We can do this!

You will never get over him if you don’t cut contact. Block and delete. It is so hard but it is the only way you will start to move forward. If he ended things he was not the person you thought he was as the “perfect” version of him wouldn’t have ended things. Thinking that way helped me when my now ex dh left me.

@ineedhelpa Another thing that helps is that there are so many people on this relationships board and in real life that have been through awful heartache, husbands and wives walking out after decades of marriage out of the blue, cheating with best friends and all sorts.

And they all say the same thing, you will get through it. I know it's horrible, I'm going through the same now but times will get better. It just won't happen overnight, like other posters said be really kind to yourself and open up to family, don't hold it all in.

Pm me if you want any time. I'm a bit lost myself but it's nice to have an ear when everyone around you is busy.

I've never been through feeling like this before. I have had break ups from previous relationships and been upset but nothing like this. I keep telling myself it will get better and then burst out crying again. Can't concentrate in work or talk to anyone without crying )-:
Big hugs to everyone going through similar and thank you for sharing your stories they do give me hope x

Maybe with the other break ups you saw it coming?

If it's not what you wanted it's going to be hard to deal with. It's normal how you're feeling.

Here's some advice from a thread I made from a user called @DonkeyPlease

Have read your whole thread. I don't have much time but I'm going to write you some tips for coping through a change like this. Ymmv but this is what worked for me.

• you can't switch on anger. You have to focus on where you are at present, and fully feel what you are going through right now. That's how you 'graduate' to the next stage of anger. Read this:

www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html

Note also that it's normal to cycle back into previous stages of grief. Especially if you've tried to avoid feeling the sorrow and sadness and pain.

• please try not to drink. It will keep you stuck where you are emotionally.

• when you start to feel pain, stop trying to talk yourself out of it, and try to stop the ruminating over "why" etc. Feel it, cry and remind yourself constantly and with real kindness, that is it OK to hurt. Pain won't kill you. Don't run from it, run to it and embrace yourself with love and compassion. Your hurting because you have been injured. There is no shame in that, it's an honest and true thing. And it is temporary. Allow it to happen. Emotions pass if you let them flow through.

• when you can't stop ruminating, write it down. I can't tell you how much this helps. Talk to yourself.

Go in circles if you must. But get it out. Write awful poetry. Write to him, write to yourself, to people who hurt you before, to God, to the hills, to turn ocean, to the friend who died or faded away, to the teacher who always seemed to understand you - just write because it's like draining off an infection so that the poor wound beneath can breathe and heal.

• write down a list of things that nurture and calm you. My list included: making tea, baking, lighting candles, memorizing poetry and reciting it, going for a long walk, doing HIIT workouts, eating ice cream, being close to water or forest, being barefoot, singing, having a bath, dancing, listening to certain types of music, drawing. Think back to the things you did as a child. Including things that seem silly. They all count.

• recipe for surviving a terrible day:

Acknowledge you are hurting Remind yourself that this is temporary but you're going to love yourself through it Write down everything that you feel Go to your list Do things on your list as much as possible until you feel better OR the day is over.

• tell people and lean on them.

That's right Fairylea If we were right together we'd be together.

Talk about it until you are sick of hearing it, pay for counselling if you need to. These relationships are obsessive, addictive. Cut all contact, today, now, don't wait. Impossible to move from this to friends. The sooner you get over it , then think about friends ( hope you don't want to by then)
One day at a time, one minute if neccessary, don't text him.
This too will pass

Nearly 20 years ago I had my heart broken. Took me years to get over him. Last year we got in touch after nc for years. All the feelings came rushing back, I started googling him, looking up his work etc and spent far too many hours thinking about him again. So in my experience yes you can get over it but if you want to do it properly you really need to cut all ties. There was no social media when we split so it was easy to start with, not so much now. We've met up and things restarted a little so now back where I was 20 years back.

There will come a time in the future when you wonder what you ever saw in him. It might take weeks, it might take months, but that point will come.

So sorry you are going through this and I think everyone’s posts are really positive and definitely the right advice. It’s soooo bloody hard but you will come out the other side, all these replies are testament that you most certainly will survive and you will be happy again one day, promise x

Gone through it recently and the best thing, even though it's the hardest you'll get round to doing is to delete their number, delete all previous conversations from whatsapp/messages, take their photos off your phone (put them in a folder somewhere you won't be tempted to look on your computer or in the cloud), block them on Facebook/social media and if you think you're going to be tempted to look by unblocking briefly then delete your account or have a friend change your password so you can't access it until you are in a place you are able to.

You have to go full no contact which includes all of the above.

Once those are actually done it actually feels like a small weight is lifted and wasn't as hard as it seems. Then you need to concentrate on yourself, keep busy, see friends/family, book a holiday and all the conventional advice you are going to find if you were to put your question into Google. Accept the sadness, have a cry when you need to, talk to your friends about it, write letters/emails to the person to get it off your chest but don't send them. It all helps.

At the moment it feels gutwrenching but in two weeks you'll feel slightly better, in six you'll feel yourself getting over them and a few weeks after that you'll feel a lot lot better. It's a cliche but time is a healer with these things but you have to do the above however hard it may be.