Husband called me this:

[parkinpig]

Context: I brought in slightly damp washing and then didn't prostrate myself with sorrow when he wanted it rewashing now.

He threw washing basket across room and called me a "Lazy Fat Cunt".

Now he might have w point about washing, but I can't get over the language.

Feeling a bit WTF, to be honest.

Just wanted to get it down.

Thank you so much, everyone on here. I've just googled local women's aid and solicitors. I may be fat, and even lazy, but he can't bully me forever.

OP

You can leave. There is a way out of this

You have no children. You leave, you divorce the cunt and gain from it. What’s his is yours remember. Make this the start of something better!

He is the one who is a cunt. Divorce the bastard!

The Freedom Programme was my lifeline when I reached the point of wanting to leave but feeling I couldn't: www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Plus Women's Aid. If you call the main number they can sort you out wherever you are, you don't need to find your local one first: 0808 2000 247

Leaving is hard, I won't lie, and it's tough for a little while afterwards - adjustment - but life gets so much better after that. Better than you could even imagine possible right now because he's trampled you down so thoroughly.

Women's Aid can help you with the practical here and now. Freedom Programme can help make sure your future is bright and free of any other arseholes like this one.

Look into what charge he has on the house, as I mentioned in pp this sounds to me like some kind of dodgy deal intended to get round your rights.

Oh, btw, that anger from him isn't real. It's manufactured rage to intimidate you and manipulate you into buying his excuses for his behaviour.

Good, you're taking action even if it is only googling. And remember, since you have no children you really have no 'ties' to the area. You are free to go wherever you can get the most help. Widen your area and send resumes out everywhere.

And don't give up on marital assets, even if they're in his name, until you've spoken to a solicitor.

Call a friend, a cousin, a sibling. Call one person and tell them you want OUT. He's probably alienated you from them and isolated you, but I promise they are waiting for that call! They don't have to live near you, just having someone you know IRL validate your feelings and offering you emotional support is so important.

Please do whatever you can, to get away from him.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Best love OP.🌺

You say you have a loving family? Do any of them have a bed you could have for a while to let you sort your life out?

Look into what charge he has on the house, as I mentioned in pp this sounds to me like some kind of dodgy deal intended to get round your rights.

It's perfectly legal: House worth, say, £300,000. Parents give £250,000 towards house purchase and place a lien on the house for that amount. It's just the same as a bank holding a mortgage. If/when the house is sold parents get back their £250k before the proceeds are disbursed, just as a bank would.

Why the parents did it is up for speculation. But they probably would see it as not wanting 'their' money to go to an 'ex DiL' in the event of a divorce and forced house sale.

Thank you so so much to everyone who has posted.

I don't mean to be glib, but I've always fancied Manchester. I don't have to be here.

I've looked at the Freedom Programme just now, so thanks especially to Anouk.

Across - That is exactly the situation. His inheritance is protected from me in that way. I think, however, there is a bit of equity.

You're doing great.

Manchester is brilliant.

My husband is a sweary sort. We both are. But we have never called each other a cunt, or made reference to body size. I think that would be a deal breaker for me.

Well then honestly, if that money is his inheritance 'paid early', then I can see why parents might do that. Where I live in the US an inheritance is NOT community property, it is the sole property of the individual until it is put in a joint asset or account. So setting it up this way would insure that a child doesn't 'lose' his/her inheritance in the event of a divorce.

Although I probably would feel differently if there were grandchildren involved. Then I'd want to be sure they had a home with either parent in case of their parent's divorce. And if the couple stayed happily married and wanted to sell the home to purchase another down the line I could see waiving the lien.

Obvs any equity over the lien should be divided between the two of you if the house was acquired after your marriage. That's the reason to see a good solicitor.

As far as Manchester, let your heart fly free and land wherever you want. Life is good once we get through the storm.

He doesn't deserve you.

Domestic violence laws now include verbal abuse. You don't have to put up with this.

I'm very very very sad. Feel a total failure.

The fact that he's doubled-down on his cuntishness tells you everything you need to know about him.

Go. If you don't, he'll now know he can treat you like utter shit, and he will.

I guarantee he spoke to you like that because he thinks he's ground you down so much that you won't leave. Prove him wrong.

Manchester is ace. Start a new life. You won't look back.

He abuses you - you are not the failure!
I know first hand how hard it is - get support to process all you have been through and to rebuild your self esteem.
A solicitor will help you with the practical/financial aspects - as you say, there is equity in the property that should be shared. Women's Aid will help you with the emotional parts.
Good luck, OP!! Hope you get to have a wonderful new start in Manchester.

What virtually every other person said already: contact women’s aid they are amazing and your local one can help you with all sorts inc finding legal advice for you. I’m glad you realise you don’t deserve this treatment.

As for the comment about he’s an only child I kind of took from that that the OP is basically excusing her husbands nasty behaviour not blaming him being an only child for it. I was the same: excusing my ex’s abusive treatment on his “difficult” childhood for years. Only stopped after lots of intense therapy. It’s a hard habit to break.

Also definitely look into the freedom programme when you feel ready. It can be very useful when you’re in the right place mentally.

so get onto CAB/moneysavingexpert and start planning your future.

See if you can find a list of jobs you're interested in in Manchester - look at cheap rentals (a room in a shared house).

Think about what you want to walk away with. Do you think he's take on your debt but not share the house equity? Find out how much your debt/assets balance each other out. Are you prepared to say you'll take him to court for abuse, or is he too violent to even contemplate that.

Basically, hide yourself away from him. Use the internet to plan scenario A, B & C for how to get out of there and start your new life. Just knowing that there are options, a different life ahead of you, can make it so much easier to deal with the current situation. Keep telling yourself "things are gonna change".

You aren't the failure. Your husband is.

My husband has a mouth like a sailor and we call each other all kinds of heinous, stupid things... but it’s to amuse ourselves and done with great mirth and affection! He’s an ass-hat! From my perspective the language is irrelevant; the overwhelming tone of your post is that you are being made to feel like you have to apologise for being alive. No grown person should be stuck in their room for fear of offending their lover. Just awful. You’ve said that you would leave him if you could afford it; if you have to ‘use’ him for a bit to get your shit together, I don’t think that anyone here would judge you, given his shitty behaviour. Don’t let yourself get ill, though. A person can only live the way you’re being made to live for a short while before you end up slipping down the depression/anxiety route.
Stay strong, do what you need to do and hold on to the fact that you deserve much better x

You aren't a failure, NOT ONE BIT! You can't 'fail' at something when the other person isn't playing by the rules!!!! And he's NOT playing by the marriage rules which are to treat your spouse with love, kindness, and respect!

I'm divorced. I'm not a failure by any means I made a mistake when I was 20. I got the hell out by the time I was 25. I've lived a happy life, met and married a good man and had two children. We're retired now and we are livin' the life! I am a SUCCESS!!! You will be too.