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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Awful holiday

248 replies

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 16/08/2018 07:50

Help me get through this please. I have come on holiday with a friend and her son. I have 3 DC. I'm a week into a two week holiday and it's just awful. She spends all day telling me what to do, where we should go, what we should eat and pressuring me to spend money when she knows I'm trying to keep to a budget. I wanted to chill out just with my kids one day and she accused me of lacking respect and decency because I didn't want to put a towel over my head in a rainstorm to meet her in a bar.
It's just relentless. I'm spending time with her all day and finding it so stressful. She snaps at me and my kids and then she wants to sit up at night drinking and gets so offended if i want an early night.
Last night I said 'I'll just have a glass of wine in this next place and head back as I'm a bit tired.'
She snapped 'why do you have to plan everything? You're on holiday. Go with the flow. You might want more than one glass of wine. I can't relax, I'm on holiday.'
I feel like I can't speak as it will be wrong. I would love to cut ties but our other friend is arriving for the final week and I don't want to make it awkward for her.
I also hate confrontation and have an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. I want to go home Sad

OP posts:
fuzzyfozzy · 16/08/2018 07:52

Just tell her what your family is doing tomorrow and she's welcome to do the same or her own thing.

Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 16/08/2018 07:53

But she follows me. So if I say I'm going to the beach she says 'oh where?' And suggests we relax together. And I don't want to meet up with her for drinks at night either.

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 16/08/2018 07:53

Stand up for yourself, make other plans and stick to them

Has she always been this awful and you’ve always been this shy?

Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 16/08/2018 07:54

She's also incredibly pushy when I say no. When I said I fancied a chilled out day with my kids, she actually messaged 'wow' as if I had been monumentally rude.

OP posts:
Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 16/08/2018 07:56

I guess I didn't know her well enough. I met her through a single parents group. I am quite shy/unassertive and so this is really out of my comfort zone. Another friend is arriving today and I'm hoping this will take the pressure off.

OP posts:
HollyGibney · 16/08/2018 07:58

Oh tell her to Fuck Off! I would and have in a similar situation. Wasn't for two weeks though. I honestly wouldn't give her the time of day, she sounds horrendous. Are you going to want to be friends with her on your return? I certainly wouldn't be. I'd tell her what you're doing for the rest of the holiday and then block her so you don't have to see her whiny messages.

Yogagirl123 · 16/08/2018 07:59

Hand hold OP, I couldn’t stand being treated like that either.

Sounds like you just need a break from your friend and spend a few days just with your DC, doing what they want to do, do it, no matter what your friend says. Flowers

Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 16/08/2018 08:00

I am planning to block her as soon as I'm back definitely. I wish i was more assertive. I am actually terrified of her! Pathetic I know.

OP posts:
Cambionome · 16/08/2018 08:01

Ignore her. She is being unreasonable, not you. You need to absolutely stick to your guns here.

Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 16/08/2018 08:01

Its just our other friend is arriving tonight and will expect to see us both and it's not her fault, so I was hoping I could get through it. I wake up every day with a feeling of dread.

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 16/08/2018 08:03

Oh god, she sounds appalling. Hopefully the extra friend will take the pressure off you but maybe just accept that she’s going to be pissed off with you if you don’t obey her every whim. Let her be pissed off. Show your kids how to put up sensible boundaries in a calm way. You don’t want to continue with the ‘friendship’ anyway so use it as a learning opportunity (easier said than done I know!).

Aprilshowersinaugust · 16/08/2018 08:03

Confide in the other friend - she can have her for the last week!!

inshockrightnow · 16/08/2018 08:04

You need to confront her. She is being incredibly selfish expecting you to do everything she wants and insulting you when you don't want to. Ask if she is aware she is doing this.

Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 16/08/2018 08:06

God I need to woman up don't I?

OP posts:
Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 16/08/2018 08:07

Right plan today. I will see her this afternoon by the beach and then I will refuse drinks in the eve saying I'll see her tomorrow?

OP posts:
CaptainM · 16/08/2018 08:07

As a single parent, it takes a lot to plan a 2-week holiday especially with 3 DCs! Don't allow someone else to ruin the experience for you and your dcs, so make enjoying your last week a priority!

If you feel like you can't tell her you would like time alone with your dcs, just say that one of your children could use some "just us" family time. Don't ask. Just tell her that you'll meet up for dinner or something on your last day...but in the meantime, you'd rather be alone with your dcs for the second part of the holiday. If you can't do this for yourself, do it for your dcs.

Bobbybobbins · 16/08/2018 08:08

Good plan - you could say you are feeling poorly tonight- surely she can't argue with that?!

Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 16/08/2018 08:09

Oh she can, Bobby. She will as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 16/08/2018 08:10

I know you are all right about this. I'm hoping the other friend will take the pressure off. I'm an introvert and I'm struggling with being accused of being anti social.

OP posts:
CaptainM · 16/08/2018 08:12

You could still plan one or two meetings/activities with her and your other friend...but you don't need to hang out everyday! Go off and enjoy time with your dcs. The quality of time you'll have with your dcs when alone with them would be different. Tell your friends that you would like to give them some undivided attention. Is your family holiday too!

Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 16/08/2018 08:13

I think I could say the bit about undivided attention. Problem is, I now really don't want to see her at all, ever - I really dislike her. But I'll get through it.

OP posts:
Chocolate123 · 16/08/2018 08:14

What a horrible situation. Tell her you are your kids want a day to yourselves. Don't explain just be direct and firm. Then hopefully things will ease with arrival of other friend.

CaptainM · 16/08/2018 08:15

You can still be an introvert and not care so much what others think, especially if they're clearly not adding anything to your life. And yes, what lesson do you want your dcs to learn from this? What would you like to teach them about how to handle situations like this? Better still, ask them how they would deal with a challenge like this, create learning and come up with a plan together. The solution doesn't have to come from you. Enjoy your holiday

Notonyournelly98 · 16/08/2018 08:15

Could you say that your dcs want to do xyz and it's not worth the agro if you don't agree? It's not an ideal situation blaming your dcs but perhaps it will work?

(I've had an awful holiday with an now ex-friend. She wanted a pool holiday, I wanted sightseeing and some pool/beach time. I was more than happy to go off on my own but she was insisting we had to do everything together. She just tagged along to the things I insisted I wanted to do and moaned and moaned until I snapped at her and told her to go to the pool and leave me alone)

inshockrightnow · 16/08/2018 08:16

I wouldn't say you feel poorly, I'd say you just don't want drinks and till now you have been giving in because she has made you feel so crap for not doing what SHE wants. Leave her with that thought.

Why should you have to lie to her? If you don't want to go, don't go. She sounds very pushy and self absorbed. You are there with your kids, not footloose and fancy free to be her wingwoman