Awful holiday

[Farontothemaddingcrowd]

Help me get through this please. I have come on holiday with a friend and her son. I have 3 DC. I'm a week into a two week holiday and it's just awful. She spends all day telling me what to do, where we should go, what we should eat and pressuring me to spend money when she knows I'm trying to keep to a budget. I wanted to chill out just with my kids one day and she accused me of lacking respect and decency because I didn't want to put a towel over my head in a rainstorm to meet her in a bar.
It's just relentless. I'm spending time with her all day and finding it so stressful. She snaps at me and my kids and then she wants to sit up at night drinking and gets so offended if i want an early night.
Last night I said 'I'll just have a glass of wine in this next place and head back as I'm a bit tired.'
She snapped 'why do you have to plan everything? You're on holiday. Go with the flow. You might want more than one glass of wine. I can't relax, I'm on holiday.'
I feel like I can't speak as it will be wrong. I would love to cut ties but our other friend is arriving for the final week and I don't want to make it awkward for her.
I also hate confrontation and have an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. I want to go home

Op- this is your holiday too, and your children's.

For me- holidays are a big deal, once a year.
I'm assuming you're in a similar boat.

Do not let this woman bully you, I bloody hate bullies and as an adult you have to stand up for yourself ( and your dc ) as she doesn't own you, you are a woman and a mother and she is a disgrace treating you so badly.

Holidays are supposed to be all about relaxing, not having a care in the world etc and this woman is ruining yours.
You still have a week left! Time to salvage it.

I am not antagonistic either but can be very assertive when required. You don't ask for her permission to do x/y/z, you tell her you're doing it and stick to your guns.

People like this are in fact very weak. They prey on those who are quieter and less forthright. She is likely to be shocked at you standing up for yourself and also you won't be the first person she has done this too.

Please enjoy the rest of your trip and when you get home then go no contact.
karma will bite her on the arse for being so horrible or a big fat crab

Thank you all for being so kind. I will tell her I'm not having a drink tonight and I won't give an excuse. I'll see her today as that feels manageable.

Do you think she has a drink problem? Her anger seems to be centered on you not wanting to drink with her. Sign of a drink iissue sometimes as they really want validation for their drinking.

I think when I get home I'll send her a message before I block her, to tell her why I'm doing it.

She sounds awful. Get through today and hopefully the arrival of the other friend will take the pressure off you. Do they know each other better?

She doesn't seem to have a drink issue tbh. She gets angry if I don't want to do anything she wants to do. She sees herself as very social and constantly repeats that she doesn't want any negativity in her life. So if I'm upset it makes her feel negative.

The other friend was probably more my friend but we know each other through the same group.

Just to add, don't leave her alone with other friend on first night if you can as she will fill new friend's head with crap- she knows you are irritated and is likely to try to monopolise new friend.
If you are just relieved as new friend can put up with her and you can have your space, ignore the above!

If you're doing the message thing anyway then use the holiday to start your man up quest.
Friend: meet me at the beach
You: thanks but we're enjoying family time
Friend: what?
You:
Fried: where r you
You:
Friend calls
You ignore still
Later: sorry we were playing I didn't have my phone on - I'll see you tomorrow we're having a night as a family

Perhaps the dynamic will change when your other friend arrives. If not are you in a position to bugger off and leave them to it?

Yes I think I probably AM anti social now anyway because she's made me feel like spending time with her is an obligation and I just don't want to

I like the suggestion of ignoring her messages. I would be quite happy to leave them to it. Other friend has booked an apartment with a pool so I'm sure she is probably expecting to spend time alone with her son too. I just assumed that was normal!

She sound nuts. Are you in a hotel or self catering?

Are you sharing accommodation? If not just tell her via text when you are out and about that you have gone for a mooch with your dcs.

'Just mooching around, not sure where we will end up, see you later'

Then when later comes and she wants to meet up 'Don't wait for us, will find you later if we don't have an early night'.

Hopefully when your other friend arrives other friend will either stay with demanding friend and you can meet up as and when it suits you. Or other friend will realise what has been happening and you can join forces.

Have been away with my friend, my dd and my now dh. It was horrendous. Friend just wanted to sunbathe. Absolutely fine. We told her we go mooching around a lot, she was welcome to come with us or stay and sunbathe.

She refused to sunbathe alone so came with us complaining constantly. And about everything. I snapped at her on day 4, told her we would be walking a lot, wouldn't be stopping every 5 mins for a fag break or drinks and she would be better off staying by the pool and making full use of the AI as we were not buying her drinks and lunch and tea again as we hadn't budgeted for 4.

Money wasn't an issue for her, she had much more than us at the time. We had booked AI as it was cheap but fully expected to eat and drink out of the resort so had budgeted accordingly. But not for an extra person who was too tight to buy herself a drink as she had already paid for AI.

@Zoflorabore I'm laughing at the big fat crab biting her on the arse

I'm in a diff apartment and am self catering

Nothing like a holiday together to find out what someone is really like!

I know how hard it is, but I agree with the others here - stick to what you want and don’t make excuses - just say this is what you want to do and it’s your holiday too.

Yep you need to bite the bullet. I’d be quite firm and say

‘Look I’m a grown women. I dictate what me and my kids do on holiday, please stop it as I don’t want to fall out while we are here’

Yoit not doing this - she is. If it’s uncomfortable when your friend gets here just style it out when you get back. Bright breezy BUT firm!

Sorry your holiday holiday isn't going well
I think you should turn up when other friend shows - does she have DC? - having a third person there will diffuse the situation hopefully and make you a bit more confident about stating what you want

In the wine situation I'd have gone - you know what I don't want a glass now, I'm off home - don't allow her to boss you. I'm not a great one for drinking but DH loves being out in bars but we compromise about what we do.

Other friend has a son. I also find that as they only have 1 dc they don't understand how different it can be with 3. And going out with all our dc is actually more stressful. I would rather manage my dc alone and that way I don't need to worry too much about anyone else.

What a weirdo she is. And massively hard work. I'm an introvert too, couldn't imagine anything worse than a "friend" being like this with me, especially on holiday!

I’d say to her “ do you realise how controlling and bullying you sound”?

It may be she doesn’t realise how she is, if she thinks how she’s behaving is ok tell it’s not ok and to rein her neck in.

Every time she tries to tell you what to do- think of the crab

Just so you can see the way she pressures me

And here