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Original poster

Awful holiday

248 replies

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 16/08/2018 07:50

Help me get through this please. I have come on holiday with a friend and her son. I have 3 DC. I'm a week into a two week holiday and it's just awful. She spends all day telling me what to do, where we should go, what we should eat and pressuring me to spend money when she knows I'm trying to keep to a budget. I wanted to chill out just with my kids one day and she accused me of lacking respect and decency because I didn't want to put a towel over my head in a rainstorm to meet her in a bar.
It's just relentless. I'm spending time with her all day and finding it so stressful. She snaps at me and my kids and then she wants to sit up at night drinking and gets so offended if i want an early night.
Last night I said 'I'll just have a glass of wine in this next place and head back as I'm a bit tired.'
She snapped 'why do you have to plan everything? You're on holiday. Go with the flow. You might want more than one glass of wine. I can't relax, I'm on holiday.'
I feel like I can't speak as it will be wrong. I would love to cut ties but our other friend is arriving for the final week and I don't want to make it awkward for her.
I also hate confrontation and have an awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. I want to go home Sad

OP posts:
feliciabirthgiver · 19/08/2018 09:39

LTB Wink

Sorry you have had such a crappy holiday. You will look back and laugh at this one day, and I really believe you have learned something really valuable about yourself and being more assertive. Try and enjoy your last few days if you canWine

LotsToThinkOf · 19/08/2018 09:39

I'd explain to awful friend that it's best you just stay apart now and then enjoy the rest of the holiday with your DC. The only reason you want to go home is because of the situation with her, don't let her ruin the last few days.

Make a list of things you and your DC would like to do and organise them. Keep your phone on but do not respond to awful friend. Don't leave early because of her, enjoy time with your DC.

RandomMess · 19/08/2018 09:40

Deep breaths. What is there to do that your DC have enjoyed? Do those things!!!

Card games, evening beach walks, have you gone for a walk around the area?

Not sure you can afford spending money on new flights that's all.

LEMtheoriginal · 19/08/2018 09:44

Tell her to do obe and enhoy the rest of the time with your children. Dont cut the holiday short as the kids will be upset but call time on the friendship and go off on your own.

Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 19/08/2018 09:49

I can't really afford new flights. New friend hasn't read any messages so I hope she's still ok with me after last night as well. Though I wasn't involved in the argument.
The kids have enjoyed swimming and it's nice along the beach front in the evening. I've only got till Thursday to wait and the feeling of getting home will be amazing.

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 19/08/2018 09:52

You need to get out as much as you can. ANYTHING will be better than staying in.

Why would nice friend be off with you?

FogCutter · 19/08/2018 09:54

Just read the start of your thread and skipped to the end so apologies if I've missed anything.....

Just ignore and avoid, you have no reason to spend time with this woman and you owe it to yourself and your kids to enjoy the rest of your holiday.

Send her one last text to say you do not wish to see her again or for her to contact you and switch your phone off.

And enjoy the rest of your stay.

3luckystars · 19/08/2018 09:56

No wonder she wants you around constantly, she is having a nightmare with her son and needs people around to dilute it.

You need to keep away from her and try to enjoy your last few days. Just imagine she is an annoying street seller pestering you to buy things, it takes 2 minutes to get rid of them, do not let it ruin your day.

If she text just say ‘No thanks’ ‘no we are busy, but thanks for asking.’ End every text with goodbye.

Good luck and I hope you can make the most of your remaining few days.

Frazzled2207 · 19/08/2018 10:14

Urgh. Sounds horrible. Are the kids having A nice time at least? Hope the other friend comes round but in the meantime just keep out of it and focus on yourself and your kids.

Clutterbugsmum · 19/08/2018 10:14

I know you not enjoying your holiday, but do not add more debt to come home.

Try and cope for the next 4 - 4.5 days. Try to avoid nasty friend, see nice friend, do some excursions, do things your children want do and time will soon go.

Hernameisdeborah · 19/08/2018 10:20

I really do feel for you and your children. You deserved a good holiday, not one ruined by this needy selfish arsehole.

I'm a pretty chronic people pleaser myself (but getting better I hope) and a lot of what you said resonates with me. I don't think you should beat yourself up, you have done nothing wrong except for trying to keep a very selfish person happy, and it sounds like she won't be happy unless she has absolute compliance and admiration from you at all times. I think you should now put your children first and focus on them now, and stop letting her and her son ruin their holiday and yours. One thing I always wish I had done when I had ended up feeling 'stuck' with this sort of person was to stop worrying about them and get away from then sharpish, rather than worry about being nice and sociable. What is the worst that could happen if you just stopped contacting her for the rest of the holiday and focused on your family? Hopefully you would have cut her from your life for good, you don't need these types. You owe her nothing because she doesn't care about you at all.

skunkatanka · 19/08/2018 10:20

I agree with others. Don't let this woman force you out of your holiday! Just do your own thing and avoid her.

SugarandVinegar · 19/08/2018 11:03

It's a holiday from hell, it would have driven me over the edge by now.
I can't be doing with bossy mares at the best of times.

I wouldn't book 2 weeks holiday with a friend or anyone for that matter it's too long in one place with no escape if it goes tits up. I'd rather have 2 separate holidays - less boredom for kids too.

Hope things settle down this week. If your stbxf starts up again just say what you want to say to her then move away, don't wait for her to reply. Be distracted by kids or 'in a hurry' to get somewhere and turn away and leave.

bethy15 · 19/08/2018 12:13

I would just carry on and not engage or speak to this woman or her children any more. Don't sit/eat/do anything with her and separate permanently on this holiday.

I don't really understand why you continued to engage after she was so rude to you. Just move on from her and you and your kids, and your other friend enjoy what's left. She's not worth the time of day, so don't give it to her.

restingbemusedface · 19/08/2018 12:32

OP could you use the money you would spend on earlier flights to try and find a nicer apartment or hotel to stay in? Don’t tell horrible friend you’re moving to somewhere else and just go and make the most of what is left of your holiday.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/08/2018 12:33

Poor OP. Take advantage of being on holiday - and having separate accommodation - and look forward to being at home again.

She sounds a nightmare. Distance yourself and let New Friend have a turn if she wants. NF will not (I think) hesitate to tell bossy-britches where to get off.

Don't count down the days with dread, this is your holiday so find something enjoyable to do every day. Each day, you and your children can pick one thing to do so that's three lovely things to do every day from now until you go. :)

Original poster
Farontothemaddingcrowd · 19/08/2018 12:38

Meeting nice friend today. Have made an excuse to horrible friend. Nice friend is v upset and does not intend to speak to horrible friend.

OP posts:
donajimena · 19/08/2018 13:07

Easier said than done but please try and make the most of the rest of your stay. I had a similar situation a few weeks ago. I went off to the bar on a campsite for a coffee. I was gone for an hour and my one child was sat in the car on his tablet.
One of the group gave me the cold shoulder about leaving them 'with all the kids'. I lost it and pointed out they weren't MY kids and for the rest of the day I hadn't done anything I had wanted to do (namely nothing with a book) it was my fucking holiday too and if I want an hours peace I'll have it. They did actually apologise. I think my outburst surprised them. I'm usually a people pleaser and have only just realised that I am entitled to have my needs met occasionally too.

dragonflyflew · 19/08/2018 13:28

Please don't cut your holiday short , extreme over reaction. Sorry.
Instead make the best of it, don't move around especially in front of your kids. This is their holiday too.
Be fun, do stuff. Use your apartment to sleep and eat and wash, that's all.
Enjoy your holiday. The drama has come to a head now you can relax with perfect excuse not to see her again. Her ds did you a favour.
Now no more martyrdom. chill and have fun.

dragonflyflew · 19/08/2018 13:29

Meant to say don't *mope around.

downbutnotout2018 · 19/08/2018 13:43

I don't think OP is a martyr, dragon. She's entitled to feel upset about her 'friend's' shitty behaviour.

gottachangethename1 · 19/08/2018 14:05

Just bide your time till Thursday and keep away from other person as much as possible. I’ve been staying with inlaws in Europe for last two weeks and am literally counting the hours till I can go home. Have BA timeline on phone Blush

Skybluepinkwithyellowspots · 19/08/2018 14:44

Can I ask where you are OP?

Don't go home, ignore the bitch and enjoy your time with the kids, try and make the most of it Thanks

inshockrightnow · 19/08/2018 14:51

Tell horrible friend you have had enough of her and will be spending remainder of the holiday with your children. Don't read any texts she sends. The last few days could be lovely with your children. Please be strong. Set an example to your children that you are not a pushover

ForgivenessIsDivine · 19/08/2018 14:55

Christ. . What a nightmare. On one hand, at least you know it's her and not you.

Make the most of the last few days... buy a nice bottle of wine and a tub of ice cream and take them to the beach after dinner. Snuggle up with your children and thank your lucky stars are a nice person and your kids are polite.