Ive been having an affair.

[Carlyxox]

Good evening all! This is my first post on here & I know I'm more than likely going to get slaughtered for what I'm about to post, but I am single & have been for 2 years now, I've been having an affair with a married man for 7 months, firstly the wife, they've been together 8 years & haven't had a physical relationship for 5 of those years, they have separate bedrooms & no children together only grown up children from other relationships... we have a wonderful relationship we can talk for hours, the intimacy is amazing, but just recently I don't know if I've started falling for him but things are getting really difficult, I find myself relying on him, needing him, missing him when he's not around & going out of my mind when I know she's home. Even though I know nothing is happening, he has been clear from the start that he will never leave her & does love her, the relationship just lacks intimacy & he misses that.
I guess I just needed to vent & hope someone has been in the same situation, I can't talk to anyone as it has to be a secret so it's good to air what I feel.
I know it's wrong but you can't help who you fall for.

Oh, he's spun you a right tale of woe, hasn't he?!

It's wrong; you know it's wrong.

Yes you are going to get slaughtered.
If he has no children then wtf is he staying in a dead marriage.
I fear you have been told a lot of lies.
You need to walk away now, this man will not give you what you want.

If he was that unhappy and has no children, he would have done what most people would and left, children is no excuse to stay. But at least it’s vaguely plausible

Of course they haven't had a physical relationship for year. And of course he will not leave her. Why should he? He has both of you on a string. For your own sanity, stop now

Ok.

We’re averaging about 3 of these a week. Boring. What is it about the combination of masochism and smug that’s so common in all of them?

She'll have a life-altering or terminal diagnosis any day now. Promise.

You sound like the one who had an affair with my daughter's husband, and you believed him.

They really do spin the same old lines

Separate rooms - check
No intimacy - check

Least this one is honest and tells you he won't leave his wife for you.

Oh dear. You are sadly a bit of a mug! 5 years? No chance! Go and find your own man is my advice.

Yawn

“No intimacy” 😂😂😂😂😂 That old chestnut. You’re not daft enough to believe him, are you?

What do you want OP a box of tissues? A shoulder to cry on? Someone to tell you he is being a bastard?

You went into this knowing he was married, he had no intention of leaving his wife for a trollop who will lie on her back for a bit of attention, so what do you want? Do you think you will skip off into the sunset holding hands?

No dear you are just a shag to a man who loves his wife dearly but is probably to lazy to wank himself when he can get you to do it for him.

You don't really believe what he told you do you?

I respect all comments, id hate me too!!

Yes I've fallen for him hook line & sinker.
I genuinely believe what he says.

He's a lot older than me, so I guess I thought with age comes lack of intimacy as she's going through the menopause.

Grown up children, so she's late 40s probably - a dried up old husk, uninterested in sex... yes, completely plausible

You could have searched for a similar thread and found thousands with the same advice.

Why waste everyone’s time?

Been there done that. The family home was on the market once and I called the agent and found it had been taken off the market. It was the beginning of the end as I saw through the lies.
I felt like I couldn't help who I fell for either but looking back I had a choice and many, many opportunities to end it. I finally did after 6 months but I went back again and again. It destroyed me in more ways than one over several years. Don't be like me OP. I planned out how I would meet his kids, be in their lives, how we would get married. I thought I had it all figured out.
The happiness I feel with my lovely husband, the sheer joy of us starting a family together (having never done it before with someone else before), it isn't something I regret as such as I learnt so much about what/who I didn't want but I'm not proud of it either.

Set yourself free. However hard it might be. His life is tied up with other people, you don't have to get caught up in it all.

OP why do you stay with him? He’s told you he will never leave, this is as good as it will ever get. Actually from what you said it sounds like it’s already peaked so it’s only downhill from here. Get out now before it gets any harder. You could end up wasting your life on this, and I can promise you it won’t be worth it.

That poor woman. I cannot get my head around the fact that someone could do this to another woman. I certainly couldn't and trust me I've had opportunity to!

You really need to get a grip of yourself. Stop wasting your time. Move on. He's married for fuck sake you're just his bit on the side! You're only good for a shag and that's about it. Seriously get over yourself and him and move on.

Yes, ageist assumptions about sex drive during the menopause are bound to be right

If you need this spelling out to you - women are still in their prime in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond.

Married men seeking affairs tell lies.

You are following a very common, tawdry path. Can you really do no better? Surely single is better than this steaming pile of obvious shite?

Time to ditch the dude OP. He'll find someone else and you can have a chance to find someone who doesn't want to keep you a secret.

So there is no children but yet he is still with his wife? He is never going to leave her. Save yourself more heartache and walk away now.