Ive been having an affair.

[Carlyxox]

Good evening all! This is my first post on here & I know I'm more than likely going to get slaughtered for what I'm about to post, but I am single & have been for 2 years now, I've been having an affair with a married man for 7 months, firstly the wife, they've been together 8 years & haven't had a physical relationship for 5 of those years, they have separate bedrooms & no children together only grown up children from other relationships... we have a wonderful relationship we can talk for hours, the intimacy is amazing, but just recently I don't know if I've started falling for him but things are getting really difficult, I find myself relying on him, needing him, missing him when he's not around & going out of my mind when I know she's home. Even though I know nothing is happening, he has been clear from the start that he will never leave her & does love her, the relationship just lacks intimacy & he misses that.
I guess I just needed to vent & hope someone has been in the same situation, I can't talk to anyone as it has to be a secret so it's good to air what I feel.
I know it's wrong but you can't help who you fall for.

I feel so reliant on him, I constantly check my phone, I drop everything if he needs me too, I've spent money on him I can't go more than a day without hearing from him, it effects my whole existence Sounds miserable. You're 25 FFS, go out and find a single guy and have some fun.

What gets me, as a bloke, is that it's always the same script. If a man wants an affair with a younger woman, he doesn't need to come up with anything new - any variation on "my wife doesn't understand me" seems to go down hook, line and sinker.

It is miserably but when we're together it makes up for it. I can't imagine my life without him. I'm not after sympathy but it's heartbreaking 99% of the time. He says he can't leave because although he misses some things ultimately he's happy where he is

He’s happy. He doesn’t love you enough
There is your answer.
You’re just filling a hole. Literally

Listen to someone when they tell you the truth.

You can help who you fall for. Or do you take no responsability for anything?

Find someone of your own. not saying he's not at fault but why do you want someone that that is attached, also those lines he gave you are the oldest lines in the book.

Op, this relationship is going nowhere.

I despair, I fucking despair. [head shake]. He's a serial philanderer. It is quite probable that even as he's with you he's lining up the next target, indeed, he may even be meeting her now.

This is heartbreaking. You are ruining your life.

He really IS a sleaze and a shit and a liar and a bastard. You'll see all that when it's over.

But for now you're infatuated and can't see what's right in front of your face.

Why did you post BTW? Is it bcs you're unhappy or bcs you're happy?

It does seem like a massive obsession, though, which isn't very healthy for you, on top of the main issue.

I'm 25 he's 51.

Oh woman get a grip and get on tinder! What is wrong with you?
Please tell your friends, they will shake some sense into you.
I don't know if you are for real....but if you are, jack in your job, go travelling the world and get some young cock! You will soon forget this old one!

I posted because I'm unhappy desperately unhappy with the situation I just want him, I want to be with him properly but it's never going to happen & I feel stuck in a place I don't want to be, of course I don't want to be the other woman, but I am & now I'm in to deep so deep I can't see a way out

Grow up

OP. You tell him it's over. You give yourself one hell of a good talking to, and you move on. Don't be such a mug.

You want him now - but imagine when he's knocking on 70 and you're still in your early 40's.

I can assure you, he won't seem so appealing then.

Time to leave him.

What do you buy when you spend money on him?

I’m going through the menopause. It’s utterly shit and I feel as though I’m losing the plot. The one thing that hasn’t suffered is my sex drive- if anything, it’s increased.

Serious grow up

He's got grown up kids but not with his current wife. So why did he leave his children's mother? Was cheating involved ?

Pattern?

Enjoy yourself in 25 years time, pet. You'll be menopausal and he'll be...... 76. Perfect ending for the 2 of you, I'd say

I'm 47 and can't be arsed having sex. Similar stories from my friends. I would have no trouble at all believing that people can be married but not having sex.

Likewise, lots of people are married but not very happy or fulfilled. This board is full of them.

Sure, just leave. But, reasons.

Wise up. He's using you for sex.

Do not kid yourself that he is trapped, they don't even have children together. He is with her because he wants to be.

Don't dress this up as something it's not. Don't sell yourself short. Leave him, find someone who chooses you (and is free to do so).

Another goady 'I'm the OW' thread. Quite a lot on MN lately - must be something in the air.

OP if you are looking for sympathy then you have come to the wrong place. Get some self respect, walk away from this creep. You are still young and don't need to be so hung up on him.

25 & 51?!

Jesus. No hope for some people is there?

He has a wife. Whatever tale of woe he's spun you, he still has a wife.
What you're both doing is wrong, it's disgusting.

He isn't trapped, he's using you for sex.

Grow up, give your head a wobble and walk away, while you still have some dignity at least.